Etsy can always be counted upon to fulfill needs humanity doesn’t actually have. Monkey fart lip balm

et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered in one’s sleep.

Etsy does it again (and again, and again).
Once again, I hit Etsy late at night looking for gross and awful things, and once again the site delivered.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

When you search for “human teeth,” among a host of items including hairpins, jewelry, and greeting cards, you are met with “Tina”

I assume this is part of the 2010 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. 

Least sanitary idea ever, plus the camouflage is a total failure. I  am sorry to report that I can still see it. 

The designer seems very enthusiastic about this paper dress with ponies and shit. At $1,113.40 (Really? How did she arrive at the 0.40?). At least the price is optimistic.

I always dreamed of becoming the proud owner of a nondescript, middle-aged woman. Luckily, I’ve decided to turn into one instead. 

“Cat on a toilet floating through a galaxy.” Need I say more? 

1cc of real ladybug wings. Among possible uses, he lists “mailing to other ladybugs to threaten and extort.”

My humps underpants. Forgive me for being indelicate, but that looks to me like someone is regretting getting Indian from that food truck on the corner.

Dude, I can see your McNuggets. 

In the interest of equality, here’s a crocheted vagina Chapstick holder. Stop whining. I can’t unsee it either.