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What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ Volume XII: Things to Hang* Yourself With

by 27 Comments

neck 0

Fantastic skill combined with atrocious taste.

*Please don’t.

et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered in one’s sleep.

During my search for the Etsy disasters and desirables in last week’s Fail Edition, I came across such an embarrassment of tragic neckwear, I decided they needed their own Etsomnia™ post.

It is, after all, scarf weather in New York. And though I don’t love the cold, I do love the accessories. I may own even more scarves than shoes, if you can imagine. I absolutely love the good ones. These, however, with a couple of noted exceptions, are NOT good ones.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!

Seller MetamorfosiAmbulante actually nearly single-handedly inspired this post with their weird, unwearable scarves and this is a prime example.

This seller nearly single-handedly inspired this post with their weird, unwearable scarves.

You, too, can look like you have a carapace.

Sure, this scarf makes you look like you have a carapace, but the butterflies totally soften it . . .

Here's a tip when choosing a scarf. Avoid anything that appears to have its own breasts. By BrodrickMade

Here’s a tip when choosing a scarf. Avoid anything that appears to have its own breasts. To be fair, it’s not the seller’s worst work.

This is one of many scarves made by __ in her "Dumpster Divas" line. I think you can assume they are made of actual garbage.

This is one of the many eyesores included in this seller’s Dumpster Divas line. (I did not make that up.) I think we can assume they are made of actual garbage.

 

I am concerned that by making fun of this mess, I am being unkind to the less fortunate. Ugh.

I am concerned that by making fun of this mess, I am being unkind to the less fortunate, so I’ll keep my critique to myself. I do, however, quite like the jaunty “Ain’t I grand?” hand position. If you’re going to dress tragically, at least do it with conviction.

See? Felted scarves don’t need to be weird and ugly. Look at this beauty by Anna Wegg whose store holds many other wonders, too

No idea what to do with those pesky fabric scraps left over from your most recent clothes-rending episode? Tie them together and sell them on Etsy! More garbage by

No idea what to do with those pesky fabric scraps left over from your most recent clothes-rending episode? Tie them together and sell them on Etsy! By a seller whose store carries only this $75 item, so maybe we’re just not in on the joke

neck 3

There’s so much wrong here. I am incapable of picking on out just one thing. Save yourself. Look away.

So lovely, I might need to buy myself one. By ProjectorTies

So lovely, I might need to buy myself one. By ProjectorTies

This is one of those sad examples of great technical skill paired with atrocious taste. By SkyWool, whose store you really should have a look at.

This is another one of those sad examples of great technical skill paired with hilariously terrible taste. From a shop whose wares make me feel like I’ve been smoking one of those “herbal” cigarettes

Is there a little boy you despise, but you can't be bothered to beat him up yourself? Send him out in this neckwear, and the local bullies should take care of it for you! By BecauseImMe

Is there a little boy you despise, but you don’t want beat him up yourself? Send him out in this neckwear, and the local bullies should take care of it for you!

neck 2

I KNOW that someone out there is looking at this and thinking “Awww, cute.” You are mistaken.

Just because you set your favorite scarf on fire doesn't mean you can't wear it! "Primitive flowers" scarf by AllOverPrint

Just because you accidentally set upon your favorite scarf with safety scissors, then light it on fire doesn’t mean you can’t wear it! “Primitive flowers” scarf.

You should consider this to be a palate cleanser. I'm only barely resisting buying it for myself! By the ridiculously-talented FantasticPheasant

After all that torture, you deserve a palate cleanser. Some lucky so-and-so went and bought it before I could, but who can blame them? By the ridiculously-talented FantasticPheasant

Sorry/not sorry. I really did mean to leave you with the lovely blue scarf above. Then this happened. Surprisingly, no one has snatched this one up yet, so it’s still available for purchase for $159.

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

27 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ Volume XII: Things to Hang* Yourself With”

Leave a comment

  1. Silver in the Barn
    September 25, 2014 at 8:29 am

    DYING LAUGHING, you evil thing, you. This is the funniest post in the universe, I am convinced. “Is there a little boy you despise….” OMG, cackling away.

    Like

    Reply
  2. Sherry
    September 25, 2014 at 10:56 am

    “Oh heavenly days,” as my grandmother used to say. I too am giggling at my desk.

    Like

    Reply
  3. Mara
    September 25, 2014 at 11:54 am

    OMG. Are these real?! That cat? What’s with the one made from scraps? And the dumpster one? Awesome round-up.

    Like

    Reply
  4. spiritbabycomehome
    September 25, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    I don’t know where to start. Enough said.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. LVital7019
    September 25, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    OMG I do not know what’s worse – the hideous, HUGE (scratch that – GINORMOUS), felted, dead? undead? vampire? CAT(??) or the severely startled look on that model’s face. I think she may have been drugged, kidnapped & imprisoned with the condition of her release being that she participate in this shoot and promise to put it in her ACTUAL portfolio. To get that expression on her face they probably threatened to put it on the cover of Vogue or something… Poor girl…

    LUV that you recommend “herbal” cigarettes to enhance the viewing of that particular store.

    PS – I almost thought that flower thingie from YarnIsland WAS cute! Thank you for setting me straight! LOL 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  6. Free Range Al
    September 25, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    OMG: “If there’s a little boy you despise…” – yet I was drawn to it. Perhaps it’s good I read this so I don’t set my son up for problems in the future. He’s six now, but I’m sure his future self would thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. Elizabeth
    September 25, 2014 at 4:44 pm

    Just wow. But you know someone has already ordered the cat and is planning the rest of their outfit around it.

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    Reply
  8. earth2bellas
    September 25, 2014 at 9:54 pm

    Lawd. Oh that was so rude but…so true. The problem is that knitting a scarf is the most tedious, mind numbing experience ever. This post was kinda great though…this stuff is the elephant in the room for the Etsy community and I’m kinda glad somebody just said it. Also…was totally terrified I might be on the list somewhere and was edge of my seat the whole time. Thanks for that (;

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    Reply

  9. Pingback: Etsomnia™ Volume XV: Hat-Shit Crazy | My OBT

  10. hitandrun1964
    January 3, 2017 at 5:47 pm

    Okay, a big no on the cat…maybe as a kite, but that’s about it. Some of the others are works of art. Some of the others are…uh, NOT works of art. Fun and kind of wild…like spring in winter.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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