Etsomnia™ Volume XLI: Ermahgerd! Prerm!*

May 14, 2015 by Donna from MyOBT 24 Comments

*Translation: Oh My God, Prom!

Me and my headless date, 1979. (Mom was always cutting the heads off my prom dates.)

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

It’s the time of year again when limousines stuffed full of hormonal youths roam the streets like sharks in a kiddie pool. When tuxes are rented by optimistic teens. When high school students with tortured hair, sporting wrist corsages, suddenly go all matchy-matchy, sometimes covered in too much fabric, but more often wearing too little. That’s right. This week’s Etsomnia post is about prom dresses!

As nutty as Etsy gets about weddings, there is every bit as much giddy exuberance about prom. Maybe it’s because they’re trying to appeal to a (hopefully) younger audience, maybe it’s because they didn’t get to go to prom themselves, or maybe it’s just because it’s fun, but the Etsy community has really turned it out for prom this year.

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

Well, that’s one way to get noticed. By clowns.

This prom dress is actually bumming me out. By MindfulnessMantra

Listed as “Sari Prom Dress.” Forgive me, but it’s more sorry than sari.

Say what you will about this prom dress situation. At least it's cheerful! By MissAlphabet

From the Spring 2015 Pinterest Fail Collection.

The description of this frump-fest is so thorough, it includes the measurement from “nipple to nipple.” I promise you no one will be looking at your breasts.

Q: What are you wearing to prom? A: R Kelly’s sheets.

Now THIS is more like it! By PrincessBride (I always loved that movie)

I wonder if this one comes with its own charger. By CoutureGOWN

She had her colors done. She’s not a spring, she’s not a summer. She’s a nuclear winter.

Just because it works in your bathroom doesn’t mean you should wear it.

This is not a phase you're going to want photographic evidence of. By DashAClothing

Let me give you a piece of advice. No matter how committed you are to this right now, I promise you this is not a phase you’re going to want photographic evidence of.

Dear teenagers: Make better choices. Love, Me.

I am such a sucker for ombre, but Id have a terrible time choosing between the two! By Aseloley

I’m a total sucker for ombré, but I don’t know how I’d ever choose between the two! By Aseloley

There were so many good things about the eighties. This is not one of them.

I know where she was trying to go with this one. She didn't get there.

I know where she was trying to go with this one. She missed by a mile. She should have made that left turn at Albuquerque.

This dress is so skimpy, you could get pregnant from a passing dirty thought. By SarahsExoticEssentia

This dress is so skimpy, you could get pregnant from a stiff drink.

Another valiant effort that ended in D.I.Y. disaster.

Sing along if you know the words!

If you're really going to go to prom dressed as a fairy, DON'T WEAR YOUR HIKING BOOTS. By OshunCreations

If you’re really going to go to prom dressed as a homeless fairy zombie, DON’T WEAR YOUR MOON BOOTS.

This happened to me once on Fifth Avenue, and I went two whole blocks before someone told me I'd tucked my dress into my pantyhose. By PapuszaCouture

This happened to me once on Fifth Avenue, and I went two whole blocks before someone told me I’d tucked my dress into my pantyhose. Bastards.

If this were being made for me (perish the thought), they’d have to switch out those blooms for sunflowers. By Glamtastik whose other items are almost all really gorgeous. Almost.