When it comes to lamps (and everything else), cherubs are almost always a bad idea. Even the dog looks disgusted.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
As you know, every week, I celebrate (okay, mock) the wonderful mix of vintage items and handmade things that is Etsy. When I was looking for the entries in last week’s WTF post, I came across the doll head lamp below, and it sent me on a fun tangent exploring Etsy’s lamps. I am thrilled to report that today’s theme has delivered up every bit as much excitement as the other categories I’ve explored. The lighting offerings ran the gamut from brilliant and beautiful to bizarre to just plain ugly.
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.
This is the “night light” that started me down this particular rabbit hole. Can you imagine waking up to this?
I was shocked to discover this lamp wasn’t modeled after this guy.
I can’t decide whether the top of the shoe is stuffed with dead grass or electrical wires. With any luck, it’s both.
I want to make fun of this angler fish night light, but I’m powerless against its awesomeness. By CrankyAmoeba
This is a lamp made out of a pillow made out of a used bedspread. It’s the most meta Etsy thing ever.
If this desiccated-looking thing goes with your decor, then you have bigger problems than just lighting.
Highly desirable Brooklyn Bridge nightlight. Must have! By IoannisKatsanos (Okay, yes, it comes from Greece. Who cares?)
“French Shabby Ribbon Chandelier.” The only French-looking thing about this eyesore is the fact that it looks like it might smell of stale cigarettes and ennui.
See? What did I tell you? Cherubs are ALWAYS a bad idea.
Considering the clashing themes in this fixture, it’s pretty amazing that the overall effect is so balanced. I want to judge it, but I can’t. By PMGlassArt
The base is cool enough that I’m imagining this lamp got drunk and is wearing that lampshade because it lost a bet.
“Oh Cute!” is how the description of this terrible thing begins.
This looks to me like a cross between diseased lady parts and Audrey (no, not Hepburn).
I know it appears to be a collection of rags, but no. It’s a lampshade which does nothing to shade the lamp. On the bright side, it’s probably flammable.
I am a sucker for any design employing Mason jars, and this yummy chandelier is no exception. If our kitchen ceiling wasn’t so low, it would be on its way to me right now. By VintageSprings
This looks to me like an ideal environment in which to raise baby spiders. <shudder>
Alright, last cherub lamp. But do you see what I mean? Total twaddle.
Q. What do you do with the junk you find under your crafts desk? A. Nothing good.
If you must do the ornate thing, this is definitely the way to go. Absolutely stunning example of High Victorian done right. I don’t want to live with it, but as a piece of art, I have great respect and appreciation for it. By the extrordinarily-talented NightShades
This oddly touching, dejected-looking little guy looks like it should be best friends with Luxo Jr.
Go home, poodle lamp. You are drunk.
If you described this to me, I would laugh out loud. But it’s actually kind of beautiful in an over-the-top way. In the right space, it could be a gorgeous statement piece. By TwoGuysAndADog
Oh My God! That headless doll, the freaky doll nightlight, how scary are they? I liked the ship’ s wheel and Spirits bottled light arrangement but would be too nervous to sleep underneath it in case one of the bottles dislodged and I got brained!
As much as I love/fear looking at the images of your Etsomnia finds, it’s your superbly skewering prose that makes me look forward to Thursday’s posts. Today, my favorite line is “looks like it might smell of cigarettes and ennui.” I’d describe that work as “Ooh la blah!” Merci, Mlle Donna.
I have had a very crappy 48 hours (literally in the case of the toilet that burst its banks after the 5 year old shoved an entire toilet roll down the U bend) and was in much need of cheering up. This post was just the tonic I needed to go with my morning mug of tea. The part that made me laugh out loud was your description of one lamp that “looks like it might smell of cigarettes and ennui”. Hilarious and so accurate.
What in the world is going on with people using parts of dolls to construct things? I see that is a recurring theme with your Etsomnia posts. It has to stop. I loathe dolls when they are mere dolls. Chopped up into parts and rammed on to bits of engineering is not an improvement. And I thought all of the doll parts and cherubs were bad and then I saw that bonkers, freakish thing made out of an old blanket and I realised the abyss had not yet been reached.
My youngest brother is nicknamed Octopus so my siblings and I like to find funny octopus things to post on his Facebook page. That octopus lamp is being sent in his direction.
Good grief, your five-year-old is strong! (And needs a bath). Ugh. Glad to be of service.
You’re right. I have hit the doll parts thing a little hard lately. I was trying to ease up on the felters (https://www.etsy.com/listing/216820723/night-felt-lamp-yellow-lamp), so I seem to have veered off into doll-bashing land instead. They’re hard to resist. They’re just so awful.
I’m very glad about the octopus lamp getting passed on. That thing is epic.
Elderly maiden aunts, I imagine. I also assume that’s who’s selling them. I think it’s like fruitcake. People with terrible taste just keep passing around the same awful stuff to each other.
Honestly, the contrarian in me wants to find something delightful with cherubs but nothing is coming to mind. As for the dolls, what troubles me is the minds from which they come and the fact that I share a world with those minds. It’s worrisome.
The world is full of kooks. Some produce beautiful things, some produce lamps made of doll parts, and some keep the mental health profession alive. It takes all kinds. And I, for one, am glad for all of them. What would I do for fun otherwise?
I have gotten a few views from your blog and so I was wondering where you might have shared my Ronson lamp. I found it! 🙂 First of all thank you for sharing her. 🙂 Second this cracked me up, Elderly maiden aunts, I imagine. I also assume that’s who’s selling them. I think it’s like fruitcake. People with terrible taste just keep passing around the same awful stuff to each other.” Lol Love your blog! Glad I found it. 🙂
Hi there! I want to thank you for mentioning my shop and doll lamps (rePSYCHOlamp). I can’t tell you what a thrill it was for me to actually have someone look, let alone take the time to make a comment about my crazy lamps. I’m new to Etsy and it seems like there is just so much of everything you kind of get swallowed whole immediately. Even if your followers hate them, there is no such thing as bad publicity…right? Thank you so much for making my day!
May 28, 2015 at 7:28 am
Oh My God! That headless doll, the freaky doll nightlight, how scary are they? I liked the ship’ s wheel and Spirits bottled light arrangement but would be too nervous to sleep underneath it in case one of the bottles dislodged and I got brained!
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May 28, 2015 at 8:21 am
I’ve been brained by bottles in my sleep before. Not as bad as you’d think.
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May 28, 2015 at 9:15 am
Ha Ha!
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May 28, 2015 at 8:03 am
As much as I love/fear looking at the images of your Etsomnia finds, it’s your superbly skewering prose that makes me look forward to Thursday’s posts. Today, my favorite line is “looks like it might smell of cigarettes and ennui.” I’d describe that work as “Ooh la blah!” Merci, Mlle Donna.
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 28, 2015 at 8:24 am
Oooh. “Ooh la blah!” I so wish I’d said that! Merci, ma cher ami!
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May 28, 2015 at 9:02 am
I kinda liked the cherubs… though I was wondering what they were smoking when they put the dog in there, haha.
steve harvey, lol
P.S. I remember fighting that doll in Final Fantasy 4 around 7th grade: http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131130175926/finalfantasy/images/9/9f/FF4TAY_iOS_Band_Go!_Calcabrina!.png
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May 28, 2015 at 9:31 am
Oh, yeah!
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May 28, 2015 at 9:36 am
I have had a very crappy 48 hours (literally in the case of the toilet that burst its banks after the 5 year old shoved an entire toilet roll down the U bend) and was in much need of cheering up. This post was just the tonic I needed to go with my morning mug of tea. The part that made me laugh out loud was your description of one lamp that “looks like it might smell of cigarettes and ennui”. Hilarious and so accurate.
What in the world is going on with people using parts of dolls to construct things? I see that is a recurring theme with your Etsomnia posts. It has to stop. I loathe dolls when they are mere dolls. Chopped up into parts and rammed on to bits of engineering is not an improvement. And I thought all of the doll parts and cherubs were bad and then I saw that bonkers, freakish thing made out of an old blanket and I realised the abyss had not yet been reached.
My youngest brother is nicknamed Octopus so my siblings and I like to find funny octopus things to post on his Facebook page. That octopus lamp is being sent in his direction.
Thanks for the chortle.
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 28, 2015 at 10:11 am
Good grief, your five-year-old is strong! (And needs a bath). Ugh. Glad to be of service.
You’re right. I have hit the doll parts thing a little hard lately. I was trying to ease up on the felters (https://www.etsy.com/listing/216820723/night-felt-lamp-yellow-lamp), so I seem to have veered off into doll-bashing land instead. They’re hard to resist. They’re just so awful.
I’m very glad about the octopus lamp getting passed on. That thing is epic.
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 28, 2015 at 2:18 pm
Poodle lamp wins my vote for the worst/best lamp. Who buys these things?
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May 28, 2015 at 2:33 pm
Elderly maiden aunts, I imagine. I also assume that’s who’s selling them. I think it’s like fruitcake. People with terrible taste just keep passing around the same awful stuff to each other.
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 28, 2015 at 5:20 pm
Well I’ve been so busy opening an Etsy shop, I missed these beauties. Hmm, I just am torn about which one will cause the most insomnia……..
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May 28, 2015 at 8:02 pm
Hard to say. For me, it’s the spider habitat, especially were it above my bed.
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May 29, 2015 at 7:07 am
Thank you, love! Right back at you!
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May 29, 2015 at 2:14 am
I love the mason jar lights.
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May 29, 2015 at 7:08 am
Aren’t they great? They’re popping up all over, too.
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May 29, 2015 at 10:51 am
Honestly, the contrarian in me wants to find something delightful with cherubs but nothing is coming to mind. As for the dolls, what troubles me is the minds from which they come and the fact that I share a world with those minds. It’s worrisome.
LikeLiked by 1 person
May 29, 2015 at 11:03 am
The world is full of kooks. Some produce beautiful things, some produce lamps made of doll parts, and some keep the mental health profession alive. It takes all kinds. And I, for one, am glad for all of them. What would I do for fun otherwise?
LikeLike
June 2, 2015 at 7:44 pm
I have gotten a few views from your blog and so I was wondering where you might have shared my Ronson lamp. I found it! 🙂 First of all thank you for sharing her. 🙂 Second this cracked me up, Elderly maiden aunts, I imagine. I also assume that’s who’s selling them. I think it’s like fruitcake. People with terrible taste just keep passing around the same awful stuff to each other.” Lol Love your blog! Glad I found it. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 2, 2015 at 11:01 pm
Believe me, if I had $1400 hanging around, that girl would be MINE! I’m so glad you found my blog, too!
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June 2, 2015 at 11:58 pm
Hi there! I want to thank you for mentioning my shop and doll lamps (rePSYCHOlamp). I can’t tell you what a thrill it was for me to actually have someone look, let alone take the time to make a comment about my crazy lamps. I’m new to Etsy and it seems like there is just so much of everything you kind of get swallowed whole immediately. Even if your followers hate them, there is no such thing as bad publicity…right? Thank you so much for making my day!
LikeLiked by 1 person
June 3, 2015 at 8:37 am
Thank you! I was highly entertained by your merchandise. As you can see, I couldn’t choose just one! Thanks very much for commenting.
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August 2, 2020 at 12:26 pm
I’m honored to be the kook who inspired all the crazy lamp love.
-HeamarKat
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August 2, 2020 at 11:04 pm
That’s fantastic! That lamp has really stuck with me. It still makes me laugh!
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