Super-absorbent Lightdays® Christmas tree – now with wings!
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
It’s the day after Thanksgiving, and it is no longer reasonable for me to grumble about holiday decorations. But even if it’s no longer calendar-appropriate for me to mutter about the timing of the decorations, I can at least get my snark on about the parade of holiday horribles that’s currently stinking up Etsy.
When I looked for holiday decorations on Etsy, I found everything from Christmas cornholes to penguins with yarmulkes to this thing. I really suffered for this one. I had to power through an awful lot of disturbing stuff like dolls and elves and deformed angels and other crap in order to find the real Etsy gold. You’re welcome.
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts. Follow me on Bloglovin!
Why the hell is his tongue out? Bad Santa! Bad!
I can always count on Etsy to deliver. Get a load of this very festive zombie tree topper.
And here’s another elegant angel tree topper, possibly made of toilet paper and tampons. Do I detect a theme developing?
If that is what the stockings looked like, they probably hung themselves
I would only buy these flower pot decorations if they read “Fork you”
Okay, Texas. We all know how much you love your guns. But even you have to admit this is going too far. Cut it out
What is Santa doing to that reindeer?!?
Really unfortunate-looking, possibly diseased French Bulldog Christmas Ornament
This very classy Christmas ornament is called “Pooh-dolph”
Kids, you’d better behave, or unibrow Krampus will come for you
Rest assured that you’ll be the first one on the block to own this “Elegant, Stylish Wall Floral Arrangement”
Love angels? Well, this ought to cure that
Here’s a fun addition to your holiday decor: a wreath made of finger bones!
Barbie toilet roll cover, because that’s definitely a thing
As icky as the toilet Barbie is, I’d take her over Deliverance Elf any day
Not Danny DeVito’s usual penguin costume
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My OBT 
November 27, 2015 at 11:20 am
Ha! The French Bulldog ornamentis looks like it has a pile of poop on his head.
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November 27, 2015 at 11:53 am
I couldn’t think of what to say about it to sufficiently state how awful the thing is.
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November 27, 2015 at 1:38 pm
It is pretty awful… Lol
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November 27, 2015 at 11:34 am
Etsomnia was well worth the wait…I’m still laughing at Pooh-Dolph (I’m easily amused).
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November 27, 2015 at 11:54 am
If someone actually hung that on their tree, can you imagine what the rest of that tree would look like?
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November 27, 2015 at 11:39 am
Oh, Etsy. It never disappoints, but I’m proud to say it really came through in the clutch this time. Who knew there were so many inappropriate Christmas-themed bathroom decorations to be found in the bowels of that site? You dug for gold, and it really panned out. Sure, some of the decorations were shitty, but one man’s trash…
I’ll stop.
After I share this.
https://www.etsy.com/listing/247707973/stink-stank-stunk-embroidered-toilet?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=christmas%20bathroom%20decorations&ref=sr_gallery_12
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November 27, 2015 at 11:55 am
You got me. That’s hilarious! Hope you had a good Thanksgiving!
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November 27, 2015 at 12:55 pm
Really an awful collection Donna 🙂
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November 27, 2015 at 1:05 pm
Thank you! I tried!
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November 27, 2015 at 3:22 pm
I’m married to someone who would LOVE the shotgun shell wreath. I am not going to tell him about it.
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November 27, 2015 at 4:08 pm
Don’t. I would hate to contribute to that finding a good home.
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November 27, 2015 at 3:23 pm
I have also seen an olive picker made from a fork. Only 1 prong uncurled. It looks like the single-fingered salute. Guess which one?
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November 27, 2015 at 4:09 pm
Let me think . . . Love that idea.
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November 27, 2015 at 11:36 pm
So here I sit reading this on my laptop with my cat on my lap . . . and I snorted so loudly at your “What is Santa doing to that reindeer . . .” comment that he (the cat) jumped about a foot off my lap.
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November 27, 2015 at 11:52 pm
(Hooray!) My apologies to kitty.
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November 29, 2015 at 1:51 am
I kind of like the zombie tree topper. And those angels look a bit like zombies too. Perhaps a zombie theme this year?!
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November 29, 2015 at 1:55 am
If zombie is your holiday decoration theme, then Etsy will DEFINITELY not disappoint.
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