Etsomnia™ Volume 70: Hate* Couture

December 17, 2015 by Donna from MyOBT 4 Comments

Perfect for the red carpet at a movie premiere, as long as this is the movie.

*Misspelling intentional

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

Haute Couture is loosely defined as expensive, fashionable, handmade clothes. I’ve always thought of it as impossible-to-wear. Etsy’s Haute offerings certainly meet the price and handmade criteria, and some even qualify for the unwearable category, but they sometimes miss the fashionable mark by a mile. Even taking into consideration all the wacky Etsy clothing and accessories I’ve previously featured, once you move into the realm of haute couture, it’s like an amusement park ride through a turn-of-the-century insane asylum. My search for couture in women’s clothing turned up everything from hairy dresses to full face masks and everything you can imagine in between. I eventually had to force myself to stop for the sake of my sanity.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

As questionable as the dress is, I really included this because of the “maid” in the background, cleaning WITH A POOL NOODLE

It’s true. I want them. By DeepNInk

This, I guess, garment was inspired by a "flamingo dancer." By MyBonny

This wearable art was inspired by a “flamingo dancer.” I don’t know what’s worse; the dress or the joke. Or is it just poor spelling?

This is a wedding dress, allegedly. If you see this thing coming down the aisle toward you, my advice is run. By KomangDarmiani

This is a wedding dress, allegedly. Unless you’re this guy, if you see this thing coming down the aisle at you, I suggest you run away

Guess what this is. Oh, come on. Give it a try! If you guessed a pile of dirty laundry, you'd be wrong. It's a necklace! By LuxuryCoutureBridal

Guess what this is? Oh, come on, guess! If you said a pile of dirty laundry, you’d be wrong. It’s a necklace! Didn’t see that coming, did you?

Does this at least count as recycling? By TranscendentBird

Does this frock which appears to be made of ocean salvage at least count as recycling?

When an eyepatch just won't do. By RoyaleCreations

Did Etsomnia make you claw out your eye, but a mere eye patch just won’t do? Etsy has got you covered!

Damnit, damnit, damnit! The bird got out again! Hilarious wedding getup by StaysiLeeCouture whose work I have enjoyed before

It will surprise no one that this wedding lunacy hails from Vegas. I’m just sad that it doesn’t come with a live bird

Tatooine formal wear. By MariaArcieroCouture

This is a “Fancy Venice Lace Collar” for “Bridal Wear” in case you were wondering (which I doubt you were)

I’ve had furry knees a time or two, but never on purpose

Before wearing this chapeau, you might want to check it for Q-tips and used dental floss

Nothing says couture more than proudly wearing the blood of your victims. By HauteMask

This looks less like fashion victim and more like fencing victim

I can understand why she'd want to cover her face while wearing this ghastly thing, but she's not even doing that right. By RoutaHighEndFashion

I can understand why she’d want to cover her face while wearing this thing, but she’s not even doing that right

The gown is actually quite lovely. But what’s got me scratching my head is the pose. (I’m sorry.)

Sometimes the name is almost as bad as the item. Almost. “Bugs are a girl’s best friend” brooch

Here's something that ticks all the boxes! By IrinaShabayeva

I would give a lot to see this fashion show. Stunning ensemble by IrinaShabayeva. Her work, while challenging, is certainly a shining example of what Haute Couture can be