Etsomnia™ Volume 72: Cold Comfort

January 7, 2016 by Donna from MyOBT 30 Comments

This is listed as a catsuit. Somebody needs to put that cat on a diet. By Strickolino (And I assume the garbage bag backdrop means kitty's not housebroken)

They call this a catsuit. If that’s so, I assume it’s this cat they’re thinking of. (And I imagine the garbage bag backdrop means kitty’s not housebroken)

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

Brrrrr. Until last weekend, New York’s winter was positively Floridian. It was 60° on Christmas morning, and it hit 70° a few times that week. In short, we were spoiled. However, the spoiling is very definitely over. Monday’s overnight temp dipped to a bracing 13° (-5° with windchill), and that, frankly, is too much – or rather too little – for me. I’m so out of practice, this morning, I wrapped myself up like I was commuting across the tundra.

So this week’s Etsomnia™ is all about cold-weather clothing. Because our mild December spoiled me, and I have a chill I just can’t shake. Espresso hot chocolate, anyone?

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

And you thought Tauntauns smelled bad on the outside.

Because hookers get cold, too! (I'm a total hypocrite. I would wear these in a hot minute if they weren't covered with wet dog.) By AquaDystopia

Because hookers get cold, too! (I’m a total hypocrite. I would wear these in a hot minute if they weren’t covered with faux wet dog.)

Colorblind? Does your clown have a chill? Are you desperate for attention? Chicatory has got you covered!

Color blind? Desperate for attention? Does your clown have a chill? Etsy has the coat for you!

I had a doll once who got stuck in this position. I assume this snow suit is intended for her (and no one else). By VintageSisBro

I’m no anatomy expert, but I’m 100% sure that’s not how the arms and legs go.

This listing title starts with "Extra scratchy." By ItchyNinja (Just kidding. It's by Strickolino, but wouldn't that be funny?)

This listing title begins with “Extra scratchy.” By ItchyNinjaDickie (Just kidding, but wouldn’t that be a great band name?)

I am not so old that I can't appreciate what she's got going on here, but if it's winter coat weather, SHE MIGHT WANT TO PUT ON SOME PANTS. Just saying. By DevoWevo

I am not so old that I can’t appreciate what she’s got going on here, but if it’s winter coat weather, SHE MIGHT WANT TO PUT ON SOME PANTS. Okay, maybe I am older than I think.

May you never be so cold that this Peter Criss throw seems like a good idea.

This is a vintage unisex snow suit. And by "unisex," I assume they mean "no sex." By energyforthesoul2

This is a vintage unisex snow suit. And by “unisex,” I assume they mean when you’re wearing this, gender is irrelevant

If it's warm and soft, I am not above wearing a bath mat. Clearly I'm not the only one. By Kensvit

If it’s warm and soft, I am not above wearing a bath mat. Clearly I’m not alone.

I think I'd prefer frostbite. By SayOkForMe

I think I’d prefer frostbite. (F.Y.I., these aren’t the worst cat boots I found, either)

I spend most of my time trying hard NOT to look like this, but once that mercury drops, bring on the Sasquach sweaters! By SuperTanya (who else?)

I spend most of my time (and nearly all my money) trying NOT to look like this, but once that mercury drops, I stop caring. Bring to me the Sasquatch sweater!

Duck-covered ice scraper. Because winter isn't humiliating enough. By ForMyMomInHeaven

Duck ice scraper glove. Because winter isn’t undignified enough already.

“Felted Transformer Poncho.” I assume it transforms back into a disappointed sheep if you get it wet.

I'm going to resist the obvious comparison to solid waste and instead ask you to focus on the crazy in the eyes. By ArianeMariane

I’m going to resist the obvious comparison to solid digestive waste and instead ask you to focus on the degree of crazy in the eyes.

Okay, just one more. This one covers so much of you, it should be employed by the witness protection program. By Dukyana

Okay, just one more. This Cookie Monster sweater is so big, you should be able to rent it out on Airbnb. By another seller from Bulgaria, giant knit capital of the world. I suspect the Bulgarian language relies heavily on indistinct mumbling, periodically interrupted by the sound “puththth” as people try to get the fuzz out of their mouths