This is listed as a crib mobile, but I’d hesitate to hang it in a baby’s room. It poses a gagging hazard.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
You know how much fun I have at the poor felters’ expense, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Without Etsy’s felting community, where would I go for my special-occasion jewelry, my non-creepy stuffed animals, and my itchy clothing needs?
I tease, but there were plenty of wonderful finds, too. A search for “felted mobile,” for example, turned up so many beautiful, unique things, I was unable to choose… just… one.*
(*Just checking to see if you’re still with me.)
I was really blown away (and a little bit creeped out) by the amount of detail and character some of these artists could achieve. Of course, in true Etsy style, it wasn’t all pretty…
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.
Surprisingly buxom “Dancing Ron Swanson.” By Sofiasticated. Other than the bustline, they pretty much nailed it
No one will steal your phone if it’s safely tucked away in this hairy mole pouch. And hey, there’s a matching purse!
Not what I expected to come up when I searched for felted shoes. Cute! By FeltingBottega
Made-to-order buck headdress. If you know what this is for, please don’t tell me. At least he looks happier than this guy
Some of these so-called “wearables” are so crazy, it makes me wonder if Effie Trinket is real and shops on Etsy.
John McCain has really let himself go.
Hate people? Painfully shy? Just want to be left alone? This scarf should ensure that you get some alone time! This scarf would work, too
This maker’s line of tea cozies straddles the line between kind of cute and full-on derpy
“Courtesan” shawl that looks more like a puta rag.
You know I can’t resist a mermaid! By lovebluecats
This looks to me like one of those photos where you get tricked into staring at it for 5 minutes before realizing it’s body paint on naked man parts.
I assume this thing is wearing baby clothes because it ate the baby. Never trust a dingo.
I am so tempted to get this badge holder just to see the looks on my coworkers’ faces. By BadgeBlooms
If their inspiration was bile, they’ve nailed it!
No, I don’t know why I need it. Give me a minute, and I’ll think of something. By HandmadeByNovember who also does some very good things with mice
These are bridal shoes. Can you imagine what else the bride is wearing?
Two heads definitely not always better than one. (Just ask the head on the right.)
This is not just any felted leech. No, sir. This is a CUSTOM leech, because that’s definitely a thing people want.
In case you were wondering, this is a boy necklace.
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My OBT 
February 18, 2016 at 9:44 am
I LOVE that cute little hedgehog, the rest of it…not so much. You did good to find a lot of gross and creepy looking stuff.
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February 18, 2016 at 10:35 am
Thank you. You should have seen the rejects!
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February 18, 2016 at 11:49 am
Thank you for your enthusiasm!
Tatiana.
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February 18, 2016 at 12:29 pm
I’m nothing if not enthusiastic!
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February 18, 2016 at 1:36 pm
Thank You wery much!
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February 18, 2016 at 3:08 pm
Glad you like it!
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February 18, 2016 at 1:55 pm
Because we are a family full of Star Wars nerds, I do love that tiny little ewok. The rest of it is just pretty awful though. I have a friend who is a felt and fabric artist so I appreciate it takes a lot of skill and patience to felt things so I don’t want to be too mean but some people really spent a whole lot of time making brightly coloured matted merkins, didn’t they?
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February 18, 2016 at 3:09 pm
I just had a “coughing” fit in my doctor’s waiting room. Highly colored matted merkin is my favorite thing of the year so far.
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February 18, 2016 at 3:15 pm
Ha ha ha! You know, I bet there is just such a thing waiting to be bought on Etsy.
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February 18, 2016 at 5:48 pm
I love creepy felt art. Gladys Paulus is a great artist, her animal heads are just wonderfully haunting.
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February 18, 2016 at 6:44 pm
They really are gorgeous. I just suspect they get used for some more, um, adult activities. I like them, just not in that way.
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February 20, 2016 at 5:11 am
Haha, Now that I must confess never occurred to me. I know they’ve been used for theatre productions, and there’s art galleries that have sold them. But I think we can apply the same “separate the art from the artist” viewpoint and just separate the object from its owner’s imagination… 😉
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February 20, 2016 at 11:08 am
That seems very reasonable. I’m sure it’s perfectly innocent. . .
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February 19, 2016 at 6:58 pm
I thought you had done your best with the McCain comment, but continued reading proved me wrong. “Body paint on naked man parts”! It’s a good thing there was no wine in my mouth when I read that or it would have been spat on my laptop.
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February 19, 2016 at 9:29 pm
Sorry/not sorry. Thank you, Diane!
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February 22, 2016 at 4:50 pm
Omg, I laughed so hard at the catnip joints!
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February 22, 2016 at 5:31 pm
Aren’t they awesome? People are nuts, but so creative!
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February 22, 2016 at 5:32 pm
Yeah, they really are! Haha, so true!
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