D.I.Y. embroidery kit. Do you know what else starts with N? Nope.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
Although Etsy is no doubt your go-to site for all things creative (and if it isn’t, it should be!), there’s still quite a selection of do-it-yourself items in all categories, inviting you to fuck up make your own items. Hey, what could go wrong?
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.
D.I.Y. goat cheese may sound awful, but I have it on good authority that these kits are amazing. By UrbanCheesecraft.
This kit comes with everything you need to make a fish doll. The only problem is that when it’s finished, you have a fish doll.
This is a mature-themed rug kit. I think it’s a little abstract to really qualify as “mature,” but I guess if I squint, I see it. Since it’s made by latch-hook, would that make you a hooker?
What crime would your child have to commit to deserve this time-out stool? That’s a LOT of sand! By
NaturalProductsToday
If you’ve never seen one of these Japanese candy hamburger kits in action, you’re missing out.
When the felters get going, do you feel left out? Now you, too, can get felt(ed) up! Here’s a felt-it-yourself brooch kit!
The most hipster project ever. How much free time must you have to actually MAKE YOUR OWN SPINNING WHEEL? The fact that you’re using one is ridiculous enough.
How to move yourself:
1. Step away from the computer.
2. Get a box.
3. Put your shit in the box.
4. Move the box to another location.
That’ll be $4.95, please.
I thought this was a really interesting idea. It’s a skirt you can color yourself. They also make shirts and totes. By ArtistrybyLisaMarie
I get where the legs and tail goes, but what the hell do you do with the strawberry?
Smellabrate good times, come on! (It’s a smellabration.)
What a great idea! This is a kid-friendly cinnamon bun baking kit, complete with pre-measured ingredients and activities. By Baketivity
At least if you make this “shabby chic” flag, you have no one to blame but yourself.
Wall decal that you can color in yourself. What fun! By 1InfiniteGraphics who offers a number of different styles
This is a pattern for broom covers. Covers. For your broom. WHY IS THIS A THING?
Yes, yes, YES! Adorable playhouse plans based on one made by the seller’s father when she was a child. That’s more like it! By PlayhousePlans
It is my understanding that mushrooms grow best in manure. Luckily, this mushroom growing kit comes with its own Shiitake Powder. (That’s right. I said it.)
Although this claims “easy to follow instructions,”, I’m 100% sure that if I built it, it would kill any child I attempted to put in it. But isn’t it lovely? By LammytailDesigns
Tigger may be your intended target, but what if you take a wrong turn and instead end up with this?
This is a kit to make an angel tree topper, but I kind of like her better the way she is.
I am a little obsessed with the tiny house movement, and WilliamHaighDesign is leading the charge on Etsy. They sell a number of different tiny house plans for a song. Love it!
Only on Etsy could you find a make-your-own Absinthe kit. I always been intrigued by the paraphernalia. Might be worth a try! By BootlegBotanicals
On the one hand, I do NOT want diapers on my cake, no matter how big their googly eyes. On the other hand, Diaper Penguin is my new favorite band name!
Adorable! Do you think he does requests? I’d love plans for a Tardis . . . By BuildEazy
This set of patterns is called “Macrame Delights.” Delights might be a slight overstatement.
This is so cute! D.I.Y. nursery/children’s room lamp in one of three themes: princess, bunny, or dinosaur. By Bouwlampie
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My OBT 
July 14, 2016 at 8:23 am
I totally squinted.
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July 14, 2016 at 8:50 am
Ha!
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July 14, 2016 at 10:02 am
You show us many funny things, as usual Donna. I would love to taste that goat cheese. I use to buy a lot of goat cheese of different kind 😀
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July 14, 2016 at 10:30 am
I’m obsessed with the cheese kit. Unfortunately, beloved and I are on a very strict diet right now, so it’s off limits. If you try it, feel free to describe the cheese in great detail . . . Vicarious Cheese isn’t a bad band name either!
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July 14, 2016 at 10:28 am
As a nurse I am often up to my elbows in shiitake.
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July 14, 2016 at 10:31 am
I just did a spit take!
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July 14, 2016 at 11:03 am
Hmmm, that little house! If only I had somewhere to put it. I did see one on wheels at the site.
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July 14, 2016 at 11:45 am
I’m so enchanted by tiny houses. If we had the space, I’d put up one as a guest house.
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July 14, 2016 at 1:53 pm
Of course the strawberries cover her boobs! Or else they are earrings…..
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July 14, 2016 at 3:46 pm
Hmm. Maybe.
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July 14, 2016 at 2:28 pm
Crazy along with beautiful, as usual. Gotta disagree, however, with your view that using a spinning wheel is ridiculous – handspinners are capable of doing some amazing things. Perhaps a future Etsomnia topic?
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July 14, 2016 at 3:48 pm
I did not even know that was a thing! I looked it up (for 2 seconds) and it looks intriguing. Thanks for the suggestion!
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July 14, 2016 at 3:57 pm
Update: handspun turns up stuff like this, which I cannot resist!
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July 14, 2016 at 5:34 pm
Most people think of handspun as big, chunky yarns, and there’s nothing wrong with those, but experienced spinners can make laceweight yarns as fine as gossamer – which actually refers to spider silk. (Check out http://www.wired.com/2009/09/spider-silk/ for something truly amazing.) I’m certainly not there yet, but I do spin dog hair to make the warmest gloves ever. My biggest passion, though, is spinning wool dyed with mushrooms. You can see the colours on my blog, shroomworks.wordpress.com.
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July 14, 2016 at 6:46 pm
Fascinating. Most terrifying factoid of the day: “[Scientists] have tried inserting spider genes into bacteria (or even cows and goats) to produce silk, but so far, the attempts have been only moderately successful.” What could go wrong?
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July 14, 2016 at 7:04 pm
That tree topper makes me feel queasy. There’s something a bit dismembered about it. I have a friend who spins her own yarns. She finds it very restful to do the carding and spinning and then she uses the resulting yarn for knitting and crochet projects. I’ve never had any aptitude for textiles but I can see that it would be relaxing in the same way that drawing is for me. I also confess that I bought my fungi loving sister-in-law a shiitake log once. She loved it. It is, however, hard not to be juvenile with words like shiitake and shitzu. I would be all over that goat cheese lot of not for my lactose intolerance. Twenty years ago, as a vegetarian, the veggie item on every menu involved goat cheese and that made me grow sick of it for a while. I’ve only started enjoying it again in the last few years.
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July 14, 2016 at 7:13 pm
It is hard not to be juvenile with words like shiitake and shitzu. And log.
I can see how too much goat cheese would get to you. Of course, right now, I’d be willing to commit murder for some. Diets suck.
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July 14, 2016 at 7:14 pm
They do. I had to be vegan and gluten free for six weeks a decade ago. By week five I had to cheat and eat an egg. I was literally dreaming of cheese and eggs.
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July 14, 2016 at 10:19 pm
That’s so sad!
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