I don’t mean to sound like a know-it-all, but I have had arms most of my life, and she is doing it wrong.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
In December of 2014, when Etsomnia was still young and I wasn’t yet the official Etsy bogeyman, I published Etsomnia™ Volume XXI: Hold that Pose!. It was big fun, and I’ve been tucking away wacky Etsy poses ever since. Today, we benefit from that weird collection! Sure, if you’re selling yoga clothing, nutty poses make sense, but that excuse doesn’t work for these items. I had a lot of fun looking for today’s photos, and I especially enjoyed guessing what the art directors were going for.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
Director: I know you’re freezing, but can you hold that pose for just one more minute… Damnit, we lost another one!
Don’t judge. Maybe if your arms and legs were the same length, you’d spend more time on all fours, too.
I love that she’s shocked by the doll head, but not at all phased by finding a pilates ball in a half pipe in the woods!
Director: Okay, Annie Potts, you’re excited, but you really have to pee…
Oh, god, is there something on my back? Is there? GET IT OFF ME!!!
Why, no! I haven’t ever kissed a bunny between the ears. Why do you ask?
So sorry you fell! We’ll call 911 in just a sec, but if you could stay just… like… that… (click-click-click)
I’ll be right there. I just need to mark this building…
Looks like someone’s been watching reruns again!
Director: Give me mental patient with a deep itch in your left ear… Perfect!
Looks like Tinkerbell has been hitting the fairy dust again.
Werk!
Shayna didn’t understand why she always got such funny looks when she told people she was a trailer park dancer…
Looks like someone studied with Joey Tribbiani!
Director: Good, but I need more scoliosis…
Director: You’re a sexy zebra with giant underpants!
This is how rock stars stand, right?
Model: What’s my motivation?
Director: You’re a little teapot.
Say what you will about Bob’s modelling abilities, but no one could deny he is a great pointer.
Reader caption time!
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My OBT 
December 1, 2016 at 7:55 am
LOL too funny! The only caption I have is: “I’m as confused as you are.”
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December 1, 2016 at 8:35 am
Ha! Probably true.
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December 1, 2016 at 8:57 am
“Nobody puts Furby in the corner!”
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December 1, 2016 at 11:08 am
(spits out coffee)
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December 1, 2016 at 10:08 am
For some reason I keep thinking of the Plasmatics?
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December 1, 2016 at 11:08 am
That’s what that reminded me of!
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December 1, 2016 at 4:53 pm
“Even Furries get Brazilians”.
That was the first thing that entered my head so there you go. That can be my caption.
What in the heck are people – whether sellers, photographers, or models – thinking with those poses? Some of them are exceptionally creative and yet still so very, very wrong. So much thought and effort put into producing something so bonkers. Maybe they think it will make their listing more eye-catching. Maybe so but I am pretty sure it isn’t helping shift product.
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December 1, 2016 at 7:10 pm
Who can say? I confess I didn’t check their sales before grabbing their hilarious photos. Beauty is in the blah blah blah.
Love your caption!
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December 1, 2016 at 6:46 pm
I needed this! Too, too funny!!!
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December 1, 2016 at 7:10 pm
Thank you!
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December 1, 2016 at 11:46 pm
BWHAHAHA!! As always, the captions are the star!
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December 1, 2016 at 11:54 pm
You’re very kind!
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