Where did clowns shop before Etsy?
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
This week, Etsy puts the uh-oh back in OOAK. The items in today’s Etsomnia are reportedly one of a kind, so that should be something of a comfort. They range from the unacceptable to the exceptional to the unimaginable and beyond.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
We all have an awkward phase, but Bernadette Peters‘ was made into a doll!
I’ve never seen anything like this. Spectacular! By ThunderSkyJewelry
There’s nothing worse than bad taxidermy. This poor coyote looks like it was preserved in mid-sneeze.
The seller claims this is slimming. Not sure about that, but I do imagine people would be too worried about your mental state to think about your figure.
Exceptional! By AnvilandVise who make many beautiful things
Unfortunately, one of these things in the world is one too many..
It’s unclear why they would style this awful cowhide stool with a can of soup, but shouldn’t it at least be beef and barley?
Ugly crocheted doilies, not just for old ladies’ end tables anymore!
Way out of my budget, but unspeakably lovely! By Alldesignercreations
What do you get when you combine doll parts and a coyote vertebra bone? This.
This 4-foot-long Cheshire Cat would be great for keeping people from overstaying their welcome in your guestroom.
How’s this for a title: “cyberpunk polymer clay clay glaze tentacle alien monster awesome woman astronaut.” I think that may be a list of all the English words the maker knows.
While it’s easy to get wrong, when steampunk is done right, there’s nothing better. By Edkidera, who has cracked the code.
Looks like somebody forgot to take the chair to the groomer.
Kooky as this hat is, I can’t help but love it! By Moschell
World’s Best* Grandma. Trailer sold separately.
(*Individual results may vary.)
Maybe I’ve been spending too much time on Etsy, but if this guy didn’t have a penis for a nose, I think I’d kind of like him.
The only way these could be worse is if they were resting on one of these.
This sculpture is one of the most delightful and desirable things I’ve ever found on Etsy! By MichaelVivona
What a knock-out! By ThyConstantine
If it’s a cat roadkill brooch you’re after, this is definitely the very best one. Hilariously adorable piece by StudioArtSM. (I might actually need to buy this guy. I can tell he’s going to haunt me.)
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My OBT 
January 12, 2017 at 7:17 am
Does Etsy sell an eraser for my mind’s eye? Because I now need one.
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January 12, 2017 at 9:25 am
You think this is bad? Wait until you see the Feb 2 post!
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March 28, 2017 at 2:17 pm
I cannot unsee it either!
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March 28, 2017 at 2:36 pm
My bad… (snicker)
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January 12, 2017 at 8:16 am
I actually quite like that little felted roadkill cat. It makes me laugh and is well crafted. The cuff bracelet is exquisite. It gets my imaginary leprechaun funds for this week’s installment. Trying to choose the worst item was much harder this week but I think that grotesque thing with the eye and teeth wins. You know that condition where one person’s body absorbs that of its twin and years later they discover this mass with hair and teeth within the body? Well that’s what it made me think of. Not in a good way.
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January 12, 2017 at 9:27 am
I’ll bet they could market it that way! Because if there’s one assumption you can make about the world, it’s that someone somewhere has done an internet search for “unborn twin phone case.”
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January 12, 2017 at 11:57 am
It’s definitely a USP.
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January 12, 2017 at 12:00 pm
That horror is a PHONE CASE??? This is one that is gonna haunt me…
And not in the I-can’t-get-that-out-of-my-mind-I’ll-have-to-buy-it kinda way.
Still love you anyway. But you owe me. 😉
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January 12, 2017 at 12:13 pm
Fair enough. I know. How about you come to NY so you can punch me in the nose in person?
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January 12, 2017 at 8:19 am
I was especially excited to see Ed Kidera’s work as one of your lovely rest-your-frightened-brain selections. I’ve had one of his garden bells in my yard for some years now and still love it. Met him at a fine juried craft festival in Mt Gretna, PA. Seriously wonderful work.
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January 12, 2017 at 9:28 am
Thank you! Sounds like I need to give his work a closer look!
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January 12, 2017 at 10:28 am
Such perfect timing! Just this morning I was thinking “I need a gigantic felted beetle to complete this outfit.” Wardrobe now complete. Seriously, I would wear that bird fascinator. (I’m guessing that the maker of the coyote/doll thing has a lot of male customers.)
Just wondering, but on posts like this do you have to constantly monitor so that the lovely items don’t try to quietly sneak out so they don’t have to be surrounded by the, um….more “special” ones?
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January 12, 2017 at 10:49 am
The lovely items are remarkably well behaved, but I do tend to have trouble with the taxidermy items. They’re total bullies.
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January 12, 2017 at 4:00 pm
If you do buy the cat, I expect to see you wearing it when I see you soon! And I’m glad you too liked the fascinator; it shouldn’t have worked, but it did!
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January 12, 2017 at 5:31 pm
Too adorable and cheerful to resist!
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January 12, 2017 at 5:33 pm
If I get the cat, this is how I’m wearing it: http://images54.fotki.com/v104/photos/4/157654/9776414/Lostpuppy-vi.jpg
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January 12, 2017 at 7:58 pm
I just adore the MichaelVivona Brasso sculpture. But I have to beg to differ with calling him a robot – he’s not a robot, he’s a knight in shining armour (pun intended).
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January 12, 2017 at 8:53 pm
Wouldn’t he be a knight in self-shining armor?
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January 12, 2017 at 10:51 pm
Touché!
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