Ah, yes. The traditional Spring rabbit rectum!
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
This week’s weather to the contrary, Spring is coming! So I thought it would be a good time to check out Etsy’s seasonal offerings. As with all things, Etsy sellers have some nutty ideas about what Spring means. I hope you are entertained by this lineup of losers (with some true winners thrown in for fun)!
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
Anyone else think there’s a camera in there?
Of all the things I expected to see, down-on-his-luck Jar Jar Binks Bunny was definitely not on the list.
Fantastic ombre-dyed Converse sneakers. By Femchan
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Then again, sometimes somebody sticks a dress on a cigar and tries to sell it on Etsy.
Surprisingly Big hat.
Worm or sperm? Either way, they’re horrifying.
Fairy Toad Turd House
This is gorgeous! By FashionDress8 (And I’m in love with this one, too!)
Nothing says Spring like a chronically depressed rat.
Wicca as interpreted by Michaels Crafts.
Only you can stop the senseless murder of 1980s furniture. How many sofas have to die before you act? Operators are standing by.
Looks like Gaia Earth Mother could really use a good bra.
For the woman who has everything – a dress that looks like last year’s dead planters.
March 18th, amirite? By ChrisandJanesPlace
Asstroturf.
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My OBT 
March 16, 2017 at 6:06 am
That blue dress is awesome! Most of the other stuff is just bizarre. Etsomnia always makes me feel good about my Etsy shop! 😜
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March 16, 2017 at 9:13 am
It should!
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March 16, 2017 at 9:21 am
a new word for my vocabulary – love it!
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March 16, 2017 at 9:27 am
Sorry/not sorry.
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March 16, 2017 at 9:33 am
If these atrocities mean spring, I’m going to duck back into my hole and wait for winter. Me and the Zombie Gnomes.
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March 16, 2017 at 9:40 am
Oh, no you don’t. You’re going to suffer right here alongside me.
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March 16, 2017 at 12:31 pm
Chronically depressed rat with cystitis
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March 16, 2017 at 12:59 pm
Oh, dear. You’re right.
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March 16, 2017 at 1:52 pm
I love the converse. That is all the positives I have. I am afraid the blue dress reminds me of a uniform I once had to wear so that’s a no from me. Cigar bonce girl is super creepy. I would definitely assume that the person who displayed that in their home had barely suppressed serial killer tendencies.
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March 16, 2017 at 4:02 pm
Really? Serial killer? I get more of a pyromaniac vibe…
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March 16, 2017 at 4:18 pm
You could be right because I would certainly set fire to it.
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March 16, 2017 at 7:19 pm
That’s hysterical.
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March 17, 2017 at 2:55 pm
I think people would pay you big bucks for your caption writing. ROFL
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March 17, 2017 at 3:59 pm
Who? What people? Show them to me!
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March 18, 2017 at 10:29 pm
That dress is awesome, BUT, I would totally buy the overalls too. Or, at least my teen self would buy them.
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March 19, 2017 at 1:15 am
And I’m sure they’d look adorable on you!
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