Not sure about the design, but the model is really selling the message.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
As is so often the source of inspiration for my weekly Etsomnia posts, I need something. This time, it’s a fascinator. We’re doing a sort of Stepford Wives thing (with a twist, of course) for a costume event. I’ve got my dress, I’ve got my crinoline, I’ve got my ladylike gloves and shoes, now I need the hat. Naturally, I’d go straight to Etsy, and of course, I found some stunning things and a whole lot of nope.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.
Uncertain whether it’s saying John Waters is shit or THE shit, but either way, it’s fantastic. By moviestarr, who also make the best birthday hats I’ve ever seen
If they’d called this dopey thing “Brain freeze,” I might have been tempted.
So modern and charming! By HatsByAgnieszka (You can check out all the beautiful hats on her site)
Perfect to whip out when your blind date turns out to be a dud.
Ridiculous, but at least it’s not as bad as this trend.
I’m not sure I could pull it off, but it’s killer on her! By millistarr
I know what happens to you if you wear the red shirt, but what if it’s just a red hat?
That is a scary quantity of stuff on that hat. You’d need to be very strong of neck. And completely color blind. And all the other kinds of blind, too.
Very cute idea. Do you think they’d make me a thought bubble with curse words in it? By ADailyObsessionShop
If this were red, it would make a great a headache commercial.
Although I try to convince myself that I have this kind of life, I fear the truth is more like this… By IWantWhatsOnYourHead
Weed killer, please.
“Whimsical” power strip hat that once again makes me wonder what percentage of Etsy sellers use illegal substances.
I don’t know if I’d call it fascinating, but it sure is memorable.
I’m sure you’d be very popular if you wore this to your next disco party, but you’d get pretty sick of people asking you to spin all night.
At least this one looks like the prep time was fun…
“Gothic Gatspy Flapper Hat.” Of all those words, I’d agree only with “hat.” And I’m being generous.
These lovelies come a a lot of color combinations. By MyArtDeco
A few years ago, an “art” group (ladies with large credit card limits who think Michael’s is THE BEST EVER) invited me (!) to one of their “classes” . . . they were going to make, and this is exactly what the invitation said, FASTENATERS. This post made me laugh even harder for stirring this memory. Thank you.
I was feeling a little blurry-eyed and waiting for my coffee. Now, I am awake with the caffeine. Once again you have entertained me in an area that I know nothing about–except for Pippa at the Royal Wedding.
As for what you can and cannot pull off….Who’s kidding who? You’d rock that hat.
It’s a shame really. Some of these are such near misses. Or near something. I should take some classes and go back to making fascinators. By the way, I’m sending you a photo (on FB) of a flamingo hat that worked. And please send me a photo of your beautiful self as a Stepford wife.
When I see fascinators I think of scary clowns with strange hats, like this guy: http://www.puddlespityparty.com/ . Some of the fascinators are quite wonderful, and others should only be worn on Fifth Avenue for the Easter Parade. The one with the pig looks like it was designed by George Orwell.
Ha! I actually thought that was Kristen Schaal before I read your comment. I have actually never worn a fascinator in my hair. I am not sure I could pull it off with my awful hair but I wish I had had the light bulb one for my cousin’s wedding as my “quirkiness” would have annoyed him even more than I managed to do that day. Some of these are very pretty and elegant though. And some are just heinous. What the heck is with the trend of dressing babies like vintage New Orleans hookers?
Those sorts of baby pictures are just eerie to me. Let’s put this cherub in lots of lace! She’ll look like a shrunken old woman! (Or a Benjamin Button ceramic doll?)
April 20, 2017 at 8:52 am
Oh my! And here I thought I was a trend setter with my costume jewelry collection from the 40’s and 50’s. Now I feel quite boring! LOL
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April 20, 2017 at 9:48 am
That collection sounds lovely!
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April 20, 2017 at 8:53 am
A few years ago, an “art” group (ladies with large credit card limits who think Michael’s is THE BEST EVER) invited me (!) to one of their “classes” . . . they were going to make, and this is exactly what the invitation said, FASTENATERS. This post made me laugh even harder for stirring this memory. Thank you.
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April 20, 2017 at 9:49 am
Oh, dear. Maybe they should have spent some of that money on a dictionary!
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April 20, 2017 at 9:02 am
I was feeling a little blurry-eyed and waiting for my coffee. Now, I am awake with the caffeine. Once again you have entertained me in an area that I know nothing about–except for Pippa at the Royal Wedding.
As for what you can and cannot pull off….Who’s kidding who? You’d rock that hat.
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April 20, 2017 at 9:50 am
Thank you for the vote of confidence, but I’m not so sure. I think I’d just look like someone’s batty aunt.
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April 20, 2017 at 9:33 am
My eyes are still 😮
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April 20, 2017 at 9:51 am
Ha! In a good way, I hope!
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April 20, 2017 at 10:07 am
Please, please, please go with the flamingo. It’s perfect. Really.
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April 20, 2017 at 11:15 am
It’s pretty hilarious. Leave it to Etsy to offer derpy hats.
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April 20, 2017 at 11:37 am
I actually am in love with that beetle hat 🖤
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April 20, 2017 at 11:55 am
I’ll try not to get bug spray in your hair.
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April 20, 2017 at 11:57 am
😂
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April 20, 2017 at 11:57 am
Prep time was fun is a fascinator is just my cuppa…..well you know.
~~dru~~
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April 20, 2017 at 12:20 pm
I certainly do know!
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April 20, 2017 at 11:57 am
It’s a shame really. Some of these are such near misses. Or near something. I should take some classes and go back to making fascinators. By the way, I’m sending you a photo (on FB) of a flamingo hat that worked. And please send me a photo of your beautiful self as a Stepford wife.
LikeLiked by 1 person
April 20, 2017 at 12:20 pm
Will do! I loved the fascinator you made for me when I was giving that presentation (in Boston?). Still have it!
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April 20, 2017 at 12:38 pm
Don’t remember where. I think it was before Boston. You were sweet to wear it. It was pretty amateurish. But your blog post today has inspired me.
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April 20, 2017 at 12:53 pm
I’m glad!
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April 20, 2017 at 5:49 pm
There are a couple of great things surrounded by a whole lot of WTF in this post!
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April 20, 2017 at 7:10 pm
That seems about right!
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April 20, 2017 at 6:01 pm
Gotta see you in your getup! That’s a heck of a collection! Love to see someone out and about wearing some of these!
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April 20, 2017 at 7:11 pm
I would, too. Fascinators are fun!
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April 20, 2017 at 6:23 pm
When I see fascinators I think of scary clowns with strange hats, like this guy: http://www.puddlespityparty.com/ . Some of the fascinators are quite wonderful, and others should only be worn on Fifth Avenue for the Easter Parade. The one with the pig looks like it was designed by George Orwell.
LikeLiked by 1 person
April 20, 2017 at 6:51 pm
Ha! I actually thought that was Kristen Schaal before I read your comment. I have actually never worn a fascinator in my hair. I am not sure I could pull it off with my awful hair but I wish I had had the light bulb one for my cousin’s wedding as my “quirkiness” would have annoyed him even more than I managed to do that day. Some of these are very pretty and elegant though. And some are just heinous. What the heck is with the trend of dressing babies like vintage New Orleans hookers?
LikeLiked by 1 person
April 20, 2017 at 7:35 pm
I have no idea. That baby thing is really distressing.
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April 20, 2017 at 7:32 pm
So, what’s a fascinator?
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April 20, 2017 at 7:36 pm
‘Tis a tiny hat or clip-in hair decoration.
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April 20, 2017 at 7:39 pm
Oh, cool.
I liked the hat with all the birds. Wouldn’t wear it, but I liked it. 🙂
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April 20, 2017 at 7:43 pm
I couldn’t see it without thinking 1960s cartoon head injury.
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April 24, 2017 at 1:44 am
“Whimsical” power strip hat that once again makes me wonder what percentage of Etsy sellers use illegal substances. – Donna
I applaude your ability to call it like you see it.
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April 24, 2017 at 7:14 am
Thank you. I really do wish there was a way to get that statistic…
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April 26, 2017 at 10:12 am
Those sorts of baby pictures are just eerie to me. Let’s put this cherub in lots of lace! She’ll look like a shrunken old woman! (Or a Benjamin Button ceramic doll?)
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April 26, 2017 at 12:32 pm
Terrifying. And the Benjamin Button reference is spot on!
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