Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

There’s finally the tiniest little chill in the air, so I’ve started considering my winter accessories. While I replace my winter coats as rarely as possible, I annually revive my winter look with fresh accessories. I have a few favorites that I wear year after year, but new hats, scarves, and gloves help me get excited about the impending colder weather, and the homeless are always happy to get my retired winter accessories.

Predictably, Etsy is a great source for desirable, beautiful accessories, and also for some of the worst, the weirdest, and the most WTF items I’ve ever seen. Many of the sellers of questionable items also wildly mischaracterized their wares, which made me even happier. Words like romantic, fashionable, gorgeous, artistic, festive, stunning, and fantasy. The hilarity went on and on. In fact, there were so many wacky offerings, it was a real struggle to cut myself off.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!