To quote Chuck Testa, Nope!
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
The earrings category on Etsy is every bit as fascinating, unexpected, and ridiculous as you’d expect. There were unusual materials, unexpected shapes, and unbelievable creativity. Styles ranged from stark modernism (my fave) to brutalist to badass to whatever is going on here. The earrings were made from body parts and food and animals. Some were rude, some were clever and meaningful, and many were meaningless (or at least inscrutable). And, of course, they covered the spectrum from precious to literal garbage.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
Do you wear them, or do you smoke them?
Ever wonder how your neck smells? Now you’ll know for sure!
I couldn’t have imagined that wood earrings could be this cool! By coolNaturalJewelry
Nobody puts baby in a bottle!
When your BFF shows up in the same frock…
I am obsessed with everything QuercusSilver makes!
Anyone else think those beads should be brown?
These are ear-shaped earrings with piercings from which YOU CAN HANG OTHER EARRINGS. Mind blown.
Best looking cloisonné earrings I’ve ever seen! By EvangelineJewelryCo
Although Etsy is best known for sellers who overdo it, There are still plenty who underdo it.
Is anyone else suddenly craving pizza?
I absolutely love the idea of this set of mismatched geometric studs! By WROXdesign
Even crummy diamonds like these deserve better.
Well THAT‘s going to be in my head for the rest of the day.
Proof that Art Deco earrings don’t need to cost a fortune to be beautiful. By ATeaLeaf
In the eighties, I probably would have thought these were awesome. Because I was an idiot.
Ear hair, Etsy style!
I’d wear these pop art beauties with everything! By handmadedezigns
Finally, earrings with their own theme song…
The most delicious skull earrings ever! In rose gold with diamonds by IzandCo
Rectum? Nearly killed ’em!
That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.
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My OBT 
July 19, 2018 at 7:16 am
I don’t have holes in my ears but the cloisonne’s are pretty
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July 19, 2018 at 9:42 am
I think those are my favorites!
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July 19, 2018 at 7:51 am
Oh my! I LOVE earrings and feel naked without them, but some of these make me rethink that! :p ❤
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July 19, 2018 at 9:43 am
Understood. Same here!
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July 19, 2018 at 7:52 am
Oh my, what a earring collection… I like the “ear”rings
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July 19, 2018 at 9:43 am
Those are nutty!
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July 19, 2018 at 9:35 am
Wow, this is the first thing that you have ever posted that made me think ugh. I do like the art deco ones, though and I think the cloisonne and quercus silver ones are also tasteful.
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July 19, 2018 at 9:55 am
Believe it or not, I actually took out the grossest ones last night. Even I was shocked at the gag-worthy items people are willing to hang from their ears.
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July 19, 2018 at 10:03 am
Omg, then thank you for editing.
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July 19, 2018 at 11:17 am
As usual I LUV LUV your commentary. I really miss being a snarky New Yorker… (now I’m just a bitchy suburbanite
)
PS – I would probably smoke those. 😀
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July 19, 2018 at 11:40 am
The smoking comment made me LOL!
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July 19, 2018 at 11:24 am
Love Thursday posts! And love the Art Deco earrings—you are right about the price!
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July 19, 2018 at 11:41 am
Aren’t they delish?
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July 19, 2018 at 2:27 pm
There seems to be a trend here of people just finding random crap around the place, sticking earring loops on it, and calling it a day. There is barely any effort involved in so many of these pieces.
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July 19, 2018 at 2:58 pm
Yep. Not great.
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July 19, 2018 at 9:13 pm
Um. Well. Okay then. Let’s discuss next week.
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July 20, 2018 at 6:58 am
Sorry, love. We’ve got to beg off Portland. Just too much going on here. I’ll PM you
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July 22, 2018 at 1:28 pm
OMG, I just adore these!! Even the ones I could never see myself wearing, I love them for their originality! Like: ear earrings! Nose earrings! I’ve been an earring aficionado ever since I got my ears pierced at the (relatively) late age of 20-something. (I don’t like pain, so kept procrastinating. Afterwards: “Silly me, for this I waited so long?!” I’ll often find terrific/odd ones at garage sales/yard sales/bazaars etc. Such fun! I see now I should peruse Etsy! Uh oh, more hours down the rabbit hole! 😀
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July 22, 2018 at 7:14 pm
I’ll bet your collection is really fun. You should do a post about them! I’d love to see them.
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July 22, 2018 at 8:06 pm
Ooh, so many! Will consider!!
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July 22, 2018 at 9:17 pm
Yay!
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July 22, 2018 at 9:50 pm
😂
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