Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

When I was a child, photo props were something you’d find at professional photography studios only. They were definitely not something people (read: parents) just had lying around. That is no longer the case. Thanks to digital photography and the internet, many people are taking their own children’s portraits. Etsy’s photo prop selection is completely out of control. I needed to apply every filter I could think of to narrow my search from 453K results to a slightly more manageable 100K. And while it’s true that babies can make most things cute, some of the items below really challenge that idea. Of course, even the good props and costumes can turn to garbage in the hands of harried, less-than-talented parents, but that’s a post for another day.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!