Etsom·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

We have begun our holiday gift shopping, and there are a number of toddlers on our list this year. This got me thinking about rocking toys. I remember having a deadly metal rocking horse much like the one above. It had rusty springs (perfect for pinching tender little fingers), and sharp edges, and was gratuitously high off the ground. When you rocked on it, it would send forth a shrieking sound like rusty metal and lost souls were having a rave. The thing would periodically throw a spring and unceremoniously dump the rider to the ground. It was the actual antithesis of child-safe design. I, of course, thought it the most magnificent toy ever, and I rocked and shrieked with wild abandon, no matter how many times it tried to kill me. Toys these days are significantly safer, but I’ll bet they’re not loved half as much as my murder horse was!

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