“Hey, do you guys want to go twirl around in the Windows screen saver for a bit?”

“Ooh, I hope there’s something beige on.”

“I just peed a little when I laughed!”
“That’s okay, I just farted, let’s keep walking.”

To maintain a healthy lifestyle, the average family should schedule 2-3 jaunty romps through the woods each week. Experienced jaunty-rompers may wish to include tweens and aging in-laws for extra resistance. As always, take appropriate precautions by wearing pastel clothing and smiling like maniacs.

“Our favorite winter tradition is getting all bundled up to make Snow Beiges.”

“Come along, Celery. Ottoman is late for his 12 o’clock Oyster Cleanse.”

“Co-sleeping with both of our children up through 4th grade has not had any negative impact on our intimacy or ability to get 8 full hours of rest every night. It’s also a lot easier to get them into their carriers in the morning.”

“We like to piggy-back the children on long hikes. That way they can complain directly into our ears.”

“I cherish these lessons in responsibility, Mom. If you hear me say anything under my breath when you leave the room, rest assured it is “Thank you.”

“Sure we’re in middle school, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love being held like toddlers! This is as great for our popularity as it is for our parents’ backs.”

If you want a baby, all you have to do is look up at the sky and wish with all of your might and then *BLOOP!* An angel plops one down right into your lap! It most certainly does not explode out of a hole in your body and then feed on you every two hours like in some kind of horrible sci-fi movie.

“Ah yes, what you’ve found there is the White-Footed Field Baby, haven’t seen one since I was a girl. Be careful, they’re cute but they poop when startled.”