Etsomnia™ Volume XXXII: Fan Friction

March 5, 2015 by Donna from MyOBT 27 Comments

Just your basic awesome Madonna narwhal. By HayleyCassatt, who has kind of a narwhal fetish

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

DEAR PORN HUNTERS: In spite of the suggestively-dressed narwhal at right, you have come to the wrong place. The “XXX” in the title is merely a roman numeral. Sorry to have excited you unduly. See you next week, when the narwhal will be replaced with a similarly titillating picture of a toilet paper cosy or something.

This week’s Etsomnia post is about the die-hard fans, the giggly teens, the committed followers. To their odd visions, their weird fantasies, their awkward tributes, and the freaky results of their unrequited love. Etsy is chock-full of fan art, fan costumes, and other things that only a true fanatic could love.

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

$287.16 will get you this “Splendid work in honour of the Beatles” which was apparently not painted by a child, if you can imagine.

While I'm not exactly a fan of Miley Cyrus, I absolutely love the style of this art! By SurrealToons who also have the best Marilyn Monroe I've ever seen

While I’m not exactly in love with Miley Cyrus, I do absolutely love the style of this art! By SurrealToons who also has the coolest Marilyn Monroe portrait I’ve ever seen

As far as felted fan portraits go, this one really is the gold standard. By ZumZumWool, who has done a number of fantastic felt likenesses (and also these things)

And here’s the Michael-Jackson-as-Chihuahua companion piece. By CocktailZoo whose Spock Goat is also not to be missed

I don’t think I fully appreciated until now how much William resembles his father . . . I’m totally kidding. This is crap. I sincerely hope the seller is 12 and got a B- when he submitted this to his teacher

Do your feet have no shame? Well, have I got the shoes for you! By ArtisticSoles who, in her defense, looks to be just about the right age for this twaddle

Do your feet have no shame? Well, have I got the shoes for you! By a seller who, in her defense, looks to be just about the right age for this twaddle

Marilyn Monroe-as-squashy-linebacker. By LateGreats

Rugby player Marilyn Monroe.

As unflattering as the squishy Marilyn was, AT LEAST SHE WASN'T CHOPPED UP INTO PIECES. By the non-serial-killer-sounding FamilyCats

As unflattering as the sporty Marilyn was, AT LEAST SHE WASN’T CHOPPED UP INTO PIECES. By a seller who will one day be described by neighbors as “quiet” and someone who “kept to himself”

Know who this is? Me neither. I had to look it up. It’s Michael from 5 Seconds of Summer. I may have had one of these of David Cassidy when I was a kid, but I at least had the decency to throw it out when I was over him.

Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? How about Beck? If so, why not purchase this drawing of Kanye West with a toothache to throw darts at?

Alright, kid. You can stay. By ILoveHotDogs, which name made me love her even more than I already did, damnit

If you, the artist, are not even sure whether you've drawn Elvis or Kim John Il, maybe you should consider another career. By MinBillMaxThrill

If you, the artist, are not even sure whether you’ve drawn Muddy Waters or Kim Jong-il, maybe you should consider another career.

Unexpectedly likeable posable David Guetta doll. By ArtDuritos

Unexpectedly likable poseable David Guetta doll. By ArtDuritos

I’m guessing this is a reference to the original “Paul is dead” hoax. On the bright side, he looks nothing like Angela Landsbury in this picture. By the nonetheless very talented HollywoodInCharcoal

I can’t help but wonder if this is a reference to the original “Paul is dead” myth. And although Sir Paul looks deceased, at he looks nothing like Angela Landsbury. By the nonetheless very talented HollywoodInCharcoal

I'm assuming a very specific combination of substances inspired this particular piece of artwork. By DurbinArt, who hopefully is getting the help he needs

I’m assuming a very specific combination of substances inspired this particular piece of artwork. I hope the artist is hopefully getting the help he needs.