
Just your basic awesome Madonna narwhal. By HayleyCassatt, who has kind of a narwhal fetish
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
DEAR PORN HUNTERS: In spite of the suggestively-dressed narwhal at right, you have come to the wrong place. The “XXX” in the title is merely a roman numeral. Sorry to have excited you unduly. See you next week, when the narwhal will be replaced with a similarly titillating picture of a toilet paper cosy or something.
This week’s Etsomnia post is about the die-hard fans, the giggly teens, the committed followers. To their odd visions, their weird fantasies, their awkward tributes, and the freaky results of their unrequited love. Etsy is chock-full of fan art, fan costumes, and other things that only a true fanatic could love.
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

$287.16 will get you this “Splendid work in honour of the Beatles” which was apparently not painted by a child, if you can imagine.

While I’m not exactly in love with Miley Cyrus, I do absolutely love the style of this art! By SurrealToons who also has the coolest Marilyn Monroe portrait I’ve ever seen

As far as felted fan portraits go, this one really is the gold standard. By ZumZumWool, who has done a number of fantastic felt likenesses (and also these things)

And here’s the Michael-Jackson-as-Chihuahua companion piece. By CocktailZoo whose Spock Goat is also not to be missed

I don’t think I fully appreciated until now how much William resembles his father . . . I’m totally kidding. This is crap. I sincerely hope the seller is 12 and got a B- when he submitted this to his teacher

Do your feet have no shame? Well, have I got the shoes for you! By a seller who, in her defense, looks to be just about the right age for this twaddle

Rugby player Marilyn Monroe.

As unflattering as the sporty Marilyn was, AT LEAST SHE WASN’T CHOPPED UP INTO PIECES. By a seller who will one day be described by neighbors as “quiet” and someone who “kept to himself”

Know who this is? Me neither. I had to look it up. It’s Michael from 5 Seconds of Summer. I may have had one of these of David Cassidy when I was a kid, but I at least had the decency to throw it out when I was over him.

Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? How about Beck? If so, why not purchase this drawing of Kanye West with a toothache to throw darts at?

Alright, kid. You can stay. By ILoveHotDogs, which name made me love her even more than I already did, damnit

If you, the artist, are not even sure whether you’ve drawn Muddy Waters or Kim Jong-il, maybe you should consider another career.

Unexpectedly likable poseable David Guetta doll. By ArtDuritos

I can’t help but wonder if this is a reference to the original “Paul is dead” myth. And although Sir Paul looks deceased, at he looks nothing like Angela Landsbury. By the nonetheless very talented HollywoodInCharcoal

I’m assuming a very specific combination of substances inspired this particular piece of artwork. I hope the artist is hopefully getting the help he needs.

It’s Juno and Paulie! These things are fantastic! Damn, damn, damn. I can’t think of a good reason to buy them. By Dedalos
March 5, 2015 at 8:15 am
So funny! I guess we should be thankful there is a marketplace for everyone 😉
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March 5, 2015 at 8:37 am
Absolutely! Otherwise, what would I do with my Wednesday nights?
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March 5, 2015 at 8:21 am
I was really hoping that Elvis was made from a gourd. Bless these Etsy artists. People and their terrifying creativity do amaze me.
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March 5, 2015 at 10:09 am
The phrase “their terrifying creativity” is going to stay with me today. Brilliant!
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March 5, 2015 at 10:11 am
Ha! Thanks 🙂
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March 5, 2015 at 10:40 am
That FangirlCollage looks like it should have been on Criminal Minds.
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March 5, 2015 at 11:58 am
You’re right! I totally missed an opportunity there!
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March 5, 2015 at 11:09 am
Ok why does Elvis have a ‘fro? That’s hilarious!
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March 5, 2015 at 11:58 am
I would say that was the least of his problems.
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March 5, 2015 at 1:19 pm
Oh I roared at some of these! That Marilyn Monroe!! She is one of my idols as is Elvis but you won’t catch me buying any of those items! The Michael Jackson as well – and the dog! Ha Ha! What about Wills and Kate? Hilarious!
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March 5, 2015 at 1:49 pm
Thank you!
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March 5, 2015 at 7:33 pm
When I say you hit a new low, you know that is an absolute Etsy compliment, right? ‘This is crap’ could very well have been the subtitle of this post. what in the hell are people thinking?
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March 5, 2015 at 8:23 pm
I don’t know, but I pray they keep on thinking it.
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March 5, 2015 at 9:44 pm
I feel compelled to visit etsy now, thanks to you… dunno if that’s a good or bad thing, lol.
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March 5, 2015 at 10:38 pm
It’s a fine thing. There are a lot of truly talented sellers on Etsy. I just try to avoid them.
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March 6, 2015 at 7:04 pm
Well . . . um . . . I . . . .got nothing. These left me speechless. Or wordless. I’m going to have a glass of wine now.
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March 6, 2015 at 9:52 pm
Excellent idea. I’ll do the same.
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March 10, 2015 at 11:47 am
hahah.. amazing stuff on Etsy
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March 10, 2015 at 12:47 pm
Poor Etsy. I’m so mean.
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March 10, 2015 at 2:53 pm
not at all.. i had no idea about Etsy till i started reading Etsomnia blogs 🙂
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March 10, 2015 at 4:24 pm
Well, good. At least someone is benefiting. (Just not the poor souls I blog about)
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March 11, 2015 at 1:42 am
yes and it is lovely to see that people and this pizza place have done a good deed..
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March 10, 2015 at 10:56 pm
Hahaha I love Etsomnia, always makes me laugh!
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March 10, 2015 at 11:24 pm
I’m glad to hear it!
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March 10, 2015 at 10:57 pm
And also there are some creepy creators out there…
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March 10, 2015 at 11:24 pm
It takes all kinds. (Thank goodness!)
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