Some of these clothes being given a “second life” clearly should have never had a first one.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
As some of you may know, our house is being lifted, so we’ve been living in an apartment “temporarily.” Since we’re now in month seven, I confess we’re getting a little itchy to get back home. We stopped by the house last week, hoping to see progress and discovered that the work on our house IS MOVING BACKWARD. Instead of progressing, our new foundation seems to be regressing. So in honor of the reverse construction of our house, this week we’re looking at deconstructed items on Etsy. Because it’s that or scream into a sheet cake.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
For sale: Bowl of “artfully arranged” desktop PC components. I’ve seen toilet bowls containing more “artfully arranged” items.
If you’re going to wear a deconstructed sweater this pitiful, you might want to pair it with a deconstructed bag to put over your head.
I knew the economy was in the crapper, but I didn’t know it had gotten this bad.
Clearly a not-so-subtle cry for help, the title of this painting is “I’ve stopped caring.”
This is beautiful on her! By Teyxo
This is a choker made from doilies, allegedly, but all I can see is cat intestines.
“A lamp with no members of the same size or section.” Looks like a drunk that slid down a wall wearing a lampshade.
Akin to a diabetic bracelet, this hood lets people know you’re color blind. And possibly legally blind as well.
This deconstructed shirt can be worn “1000’s of different ways,” but, frankly, shouldn’t be worn at all.
I adore this deconstructed Dutch house by one of my favorite Etsy sellers, 2of2
Deconstructed mermaid dress, presumably from here.
“Romantic” deconstructed lampshade, because if there’s one thing that screams romance, it’s rust and a bare lightbulb.
Deconstructed wig presumably made from fabric store garbage.
“Deconstructed with love.” No wonder she’s single.
Really lovely! By RozZastyl
Not just ugly, this long tail hat is also likely to choke your baby. Make better choices, Etsy.
Awful as this cuff-bracelet thing is, what really blew me away was that it’s listed as a good Father’s Day gift. Surprise!
Oh, come on! Now you’re hanging stupid shit on perfectly fine burlesque costumes? What did burlesque ever do to you?
This is in dire need of re-deconstructing. Then the pieces should be scattered, just to be on the safe side.
Knit one, hurl two.
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My OBT 
August 31, 2017 at 7:40 am
Wow, haha! As ever, your jokes are blasting! Cat intestines indeed!
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August 31, 2017 at 7:59 am
Thank you!
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August 31, 2017 at 8:46 am
I’m so sorry about your house!! But I love the “drunk with the lampshade on his head!” 😉
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August 31, 2017 at 8:50 am
Thank you on both counts!
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August 31, 2017 at 11:12 am
I hope, that you soon will be able to go back to live in your house, Donna.
Your choices for this post hit the nail.
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August 31, 2017 at 3:40 pm
Thanks very much! I relied a little more heavily on bathroom humor than usual, but I’m in a mood.
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August 31, 2017 at 1:47 pm
Clearly deconstructed is a word to steer clear of in Etsy listings. The little house and the asymmetrical skirt both have appeal but the rest of it is just utterly awful. That doll is horrific actually. Does it come with a free exorcism?
I cannot believe it has been seven months since you and Beloved had to leave your home. Do they have a new timeline for getting you back home? How irritating that there has been a major glitch.
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August 31, 2017 at 3:42 pm
They’re saying the setback won’t change their ETA of November, but we don’t believe them. I’m rooting for Christmas. That would be good. And yes, the doll is a terrifying creature from hell.
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August 31, 2017 at 4:14 pm
I will keep my fingers crossed that you are back home by Christmas, if not by Thanksgiving.
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August 31, 2017 at 5:43 pm
Thank you!
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Pingback: Etsomnia™ 152: Deconstructed — My OBT – Suman Das Freelancer
August 31, 2017 at 6:50 pm
The black shirt *could* be okay if it were styled in one of the other 999 ways.
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August 31, 2017 at 8:17 pm
Hahahahaha!
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September 5, 2017 at 1:10 pm
Uh. wow. If one person can sell bowls of artfully arranged PC components, can I sell junk drawers of artfully arranged capless pens?
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September 5, 2017 at 1:17 pm
Somewhere out there is someone just pining for the contents of your junk drawers!
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September 5, 2017 at 1:51 pm
I just never realized!
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October 7, 2017 at 7:43 pm
Most of these are painfully awful! 🤢 I’m curious about the skirts by RozZastyl — are they “deconstructed” because they’re made with two different fabrics?
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October 7, 2017 at 7:55 pm
Lovely, aren’t they? They were made from three different skirts, then dyed to match each other.
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