Etsomnia™ Volume XLVII: American Doll (No, Not That One)!

July 2, 2015 by Donna from MyOBT 24 Comments

I think it’s the jaunty star on her hat that give this doll its patriotic feel. That and the felted baguette arm stumps.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

Happy Thursday! It’s nearly July 4, so I thought this might be a good time to explore some of Etsy’s more patriotic* merchandise. But then once I started researching, I realized the post had to be about patriotic dolls, because I couldn’t possibly choose just one or two. Also, what’s more patriotic than a doll?**

*This is a relative term.
**Pretty much everything.

Some of the patriotic dolls were just too depressing to include. Also, the words “primitive” and “rustic” seem to be code for “ugly” and “frightening,” so be warned.

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all MyOBT’s weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

I know someone who's not getting asked to the liberty dance. By MustardSeed, who may have a few issues

I know someone who’s not getting asked to the liberty dance. Interestingly, this seller’s father was a fish

Patriotic “church doll.” 1. What on earth is a church doll, 2. what is it wearing, and 3. where is its face?

What's more patriotic than a monster doll? I' m going to going out on a limb and say pretty much anything. By FosterChildWhimsy

I could stab one of the Blue Man Group, then dress his wound with a gauze pad, and the resulting red, white, and blue bandage would have this thing beat in the patriotic department.

Okay, I know this isn't technically a doll, but part of it used to be! By GJarvisJewelryEtc

Okay, I know this wall hanging isn’t technically a doll, but part of it used to be!

When the cat people get together with the primitive folk art people, magic happens. Black magin. By HicketyPickety

When the cat people get together with the primitive folk art people, magic happens. Ugly, ugly magic.

Bizarre. For once, I'm speechless. By DebTheDollGnome

Broken-down trailer sold separately. Of course, the maker also makes these, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised

Holy crap. No wonder the country's a mess. By StitchinSewPrim

To quote my mother speaking to me in the eighties during my punk phase, “Are you trying to look ugly?”

What does this shmoo have to do with liberty? I have no idea. By IsabelleNigel

What does this unicorn angel Shmoo thing have to do with liberty? I have no idea, but there it was.

I am really not a doll person, but I find this kind of beautiful. By IMGirl, who has some other lovely dolls, too

I realize these are technically ornaments, but WTF? English Mastiffs as American patriotic symbols? Why? What did English Mastiffs ever do to you?

Oh, good. It's the traditional five-titted Lady Liberty! By LucysLazyDayzFolkArt

Look! It’s the traditional quintuple-breasted Lady Liberty!

This Uncle Sam doll is made of “stained osnaburg,” “rusty stars,” and “mop buttons.” Those are not things.

Just another frog wearing a stars and stripes diaper, humping a slice of watermelon.

Nothing says “Independence Day” like a cat showing off its butt. This is a pulltoy. I assume you pull it by the tail.

This doll does not look like she's having a very good Fourth. By Annie Beez

Gather ’round, kids. Did you know that when Betsy Ross was rushing to deliver the first flag, she fell face-first in “horse mud?” Multiple times? BUT SHE SAVED THE FLAG! Well, mostly.