My OBT

What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ Volume XLVII: American Doll (No, Not That One)

24 Comments

I think it's the jaunty star on her hat that give this doll its patriotic feel. That and the felted baguette arm stumps. By TinyBirdsTreasure

I think it’s the jaunty star on her hat that give this doll its patriotic feel. That and the felted baguette arm stumps. 

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

Happy Thursday! It’s nearly July 4, so I thought this might be a good time to explore some of Etsy’s more patriotic* merchandise. But then once I started researching, I realized the post had to be about patriotic dolls, because I couldn’t possibly choose just one or two. Also, what’s more patriotic than a doll?**

*This is a relative term.
**Pretty much everything.

Some of the patriotic dolls were just too depressing to include. Also, the words “primitive” and “rustic” seem to be code for “ugly” and “frightening,” so be warned.

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all MyOBT’s weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

I know someone who's not getting asked to the liberty dance. By MustardSeed, who may have a few issues

I know someone who’s not getting asked to the liberty dance. Interestingly, this seller’s father was a fish

Faceless

Patriotic “church doll.” 1. What on earth is a church doll, 2. what is it wearing, and 3. where is its face? 

What's more patriotic than a monster doll? I' m going to going out on a limb and say pretty much anything. By FosterChildWhimsy

I could stab one of the Blue Man Group, then dress his wound with a gauze pad, and the resulting red, white, and blue bandage would have this thing beat in the patriotic department. 

Okay, I know this isn't technically a doll, but part of it used to be! By GJarvisJewelryEtc

Okay, I know this wall hanging isn’t technically a doll, but part of it used to be!

When the cat people get together with the primitive folk art people, magic happens. Black magin. By HicketyPickety

When the cat people get together with the primitive folk art people, magic happens. Ugly, ugly magic. 

Bizarre. For once, I'm speechless. By DebTheDollGnome

Broken-down trailer sold separately. Of course, the maker also makes these, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised

Holy crap. No wonder the country's a mess. By StitchinSewPrim

To quote my mother speaking to me in the eighties during my punk phase, “Are you trying to look ugly?” 

What does this shmoo have to do with liberty? I have no idea. By IsabelleNigel

What does this unicorn angel Shmoo thing have to do with liberty? I have no idea, but there it was. 

I am really not a doll person, but I find this kind of beautiful. By IMGirl, who has some other lovely dolls, too

I am really not a doll person, but I find this kind of beautiful. By IMGirl, who has some other lovely dolls, too

I realize these are technically ornaments, but WTF? English Mastiffs as American patriotic symbols? Why? What did English Mastiffs ever do to you? By StanleyAndStewart

I realize these are technically ornaments, but WTF? English Mastiffs as American patriotic symbols? Why? What did English Mastiffs ever do to you? 

Oh, good. It's the traditional five-titted Lady Liberty! By LucysLazyDayzFolkArt

Look!  It’s the traditional quintuple-breasted Lady Liberty! 

This Uncle Sam doll is made of

This Uncle Sam doll is made of “stained osnaburg,” “rusty stars,” and “mop buttons.” Those are not things. 

Just another frog wearing a stars and stripes diaper, humping a slice of watermelon. By SkunkHollow

Just another frog wearing a stars and stripes diaper, humping a slice of watermelon. 

Nothing says

Nothing says “Independence Day” like a cat showing off its butt. This is a pulltoy. I assume you pull it by the tail. 

This doll does not look like she's having a very good Fourth. By Annie Beez

Gather ’round, kids. Did you know that when Betsy Ross was rushing to deliver the first flag, she fell face-first in “horse mud?” Multiple times? BUT SHE SAVED THE FLAG! Well, mostly. 

Black pepper doll with very patriotic red tutu. By MixedMediaMax

Terrifying black pepper doll with very patriotic red tutu, just like the founding fathers used to wear.

This is Uncle Sam after 100,000,000 cigarettes. American cigarettes. By HicketyPickety

Sure, this is Uncle Sam after 100,000,000 cigarettes, but they were American cigarettes! 

Creepy fancy boy and I wish you a happy Fourth!

Creepy fancy boy and I wish you a happy Fourth!

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

24 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ Volume XLVII: American Doll (No, Not That One)

  1. Amazing. I feel so evil and yet so very happy when I read one of these. Thanks! (;

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can honestly say that I think this is the ugliest group that you have ever rounded up…good job!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Now I want to see a picture of you in your punk phase. Maybe I should write your mother, eh?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Looks more like Halloween than the 4th of July.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is absolutely the most nightmarish edition of Etsomnia that I’ve seen. I imagine finding these leering at me from corners of ramshackle farmhouses whose residents are wont to slaughter passers by in order to appease the ugly dolls. Grotesque.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. My God, those dolls were creepy! The 5-titted one looks a bit like an ugly version of the Queen!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. ——All this is for VOO DOO DAY… isn’t it?? LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ok, “…all the character she can manage”?? Um, I can’t even find a comment appropriate, or funny, enough.

    PS – I LOVE your UPP! I had a UGP (Unfortunate Goth Phase) in the late 80s but none of the pics are scanned. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.