“Celebrity style” bridesmaid gown from the eighties. I assume they are talking about the worst-dressed list.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
This week, I had a completely hilarious conversation with a friend about some of the god-awful bridesmaids’ dresses we’ve each been forced to wear over the years. She won the competition for worst dress hands down, but it got me thinking. Since Etsy always delivers up wonderful disasters when I need them, what must they offer in the way of bridesmaids’ dresses? You will be happy to hear that once again, those special, special folks at Etsy delivered!
Throughout history, brides have shown impeccable taste as they look for the perfect dresses for three-to-twelve of their best friends to proudly parade around in. These very classy brides have been imagining their Special Day for their whole lives, and they go to great lengths to make their biffles look their absolute best.
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts. Follow me on Bloglovin!
Ill-fitting $3,600 gown with awkward ruching and inexplicable patchwork lining.
Wowie! There are not words for how much I love ombré. By DressHome
The perfect choice if you want your bridesmaids to spend $2K to look like they’re walking around carrying garbage can lids.
Who knew crumpled tissues could be so festive? Unfortunately, this trend is catching on
While unpopular on this planet, this style is very big on Vulcan.
You’re going to get a LOT of attention at this wedding. Mostly from people offering you safety pins.
What are you laughing at? In Nacogdoches, Texas (a real place), this is the height of fashion.
This would be a great dress choice for a sanitation-themed wedding.
Just how insecure does the bride need to be to make her bridesmaids wear this dreck?
I am completely obsessed with this rose-gold sequin trend, especially when the bride is dressed similarly. By TaShasha
Now your bridesmaids can look both misshapen AND menstrual at the same time.
I would worry my bridesmaids would have sex with someone at the wedding just for an excuse to take this thing off.
Space Invaders bridesmaid’s dress for geek weddings. Stoned geeks, maybe. The designer can also help if your wedding theme is dinosaurs or Rainbow Brite.
“Fairy tale” bridesmaid’s dress. “Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful garbage picker . . .”
The perfect custom bridesmaid’s dress if 1. your bridesmaid is six and 2. she will be working in the kitchen during the reception.
You know how every wedding party has that one slutty bridesmaid? Well, this ought to fix that.
Absolutely stunning cobalt coral-embroidered gown. By MudanFloral
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My OBT 
August 7, 2015 at 7:34 am
Oh what a selection of horrors. Today is actually my wedding anniversary but I’m sorry to report that my bridesmaid all those years ago was not forced to wear something hideous. Given my bridesmaid was my sister, I missed a trick there. The final cobalt one and the rose gold sequined dress are lovely but I’m not sure they are very bridesmaidy – but perhaps that is because I’ve been taught to expect layers of puffy terror as the standard.
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August 7, 2015 at 10:10 am
Happy anniversary! Yes, bridesmaids’ dresses have evolved greatly. Thank goodness!
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August 7, 2015 at 10:11 am
Maybe it’s that people’s manners have evolved. It’s no longer good form to make bridesmaids look fugly so as to make the bride look better.
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August 7, 2015 at 10:31 am
Maybe, but I’ll bet it still happens!
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August 7, 2015 at 8:42 am
Great selection of hideousness. Back in the ’80s when I married, my bridesmaids wore Gunne Sax cocktail length dresses. And I am happy to report that two of them wore the dresses to other occasions for years. Of course, now I look at wedding pics and grimace a bit! – Karen
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August 7, 2015 at 10:30 am
Ah, Gunne Sax. I attended more than a few weddings featuring Gunne Sax-covered bridesmaids. Thank goodness no one ever tried to put me in one. That would have tested my love for sure.
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August 7, 2015 at 10:59 am
Some of these dresses I really like, but not as bridesmaids.
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August 7, 2015 at 12:05 pm
Brodesmaids’ dresses have really evolved into aomething you are actually supposed to wear again. Good in theory, but brides are just as crazy as they ever were, so they still pick stupid stuff a lot of the time.
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August 7, 2015 at 12:25 pm
You must have busted a gut doing the research for this post, I did just looking at some of these monstrosities and reading your quips. I was only a bridesmaid once, at my sister’s first wedding. I swear the dress that I wore was eerily similar to that first frothy pink dress, only it was a hideous shade of peach (it was 1985). The only thing missing was one of those cheesy parasols. I was so embarrassed that I began drinking as soon as I hit the reception. There is a picture of me, passed out back at my Mom’s house in a big puff of peach, my husband (we were newlyweds at the time) keeping guard over his lush of a new wife.
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August 7, 2015 at 2:39 pm
PARASOLS! That’s what I forgot! Great story. He sounds like a keeper.
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August 7, 2015 at 2:44 pm
He is! We just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary.
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August 7, 2015 at 3:06 pm
Good job.
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August 7, 2015 at 5:17 pm
I’m not sure if my eyes will ever recover . . .
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August 7, 2015 at 9:55 pm
Bummer. Because next week’s is sure to be a doozie.
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August 7, 2015 at 6:21 pm
I don’t think there are nearly enough ha-has for this post. Great minds think alike, though – I too immediately thought “STAR TREK/!!” with that Vulcan dress.
“Misshapen & menstrual”?? I just CAN’T! 😀
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August 7, 2015 at 9:56 pm
I admit it. I went looking for misshapen and menstrual. I could just feel it out there.
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August 7, 2015 at 6:24 pm
I meant I don’t have enough ha-has; meaning hilarious, obviously.
Sorry, just came from dinner & DRINK with a friend and that 1 cucumber martini has me a bit “toasty”. I don’t get out enough, it seems 😉
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August 7, 2015 at 9:58 pm
We just made chili and Mexican street corn for close friends (who happen to be relatives), and there were many, MANY margaritas involved. So yay, us!
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August 9, 2015 at 10:54 pm
what is Mexican street corn?
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August 10, 2015 at 12:06 am
First of all, you’re welcome.
Break grilled corn on the cob in half, then roll in olive oil mayonnaise with a little hot sauce and chili powder or cayenne pepper, then roll the corn in finely chopped feta or shredded cojita cheese. It’s remarkable stuff, and it even reheats well.
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August 8, 2015 at 6:03 am
I’ve never been a bridesmaid. Hmmm. But the expensive red satin horror my stepdaughter wore a couple of years ago for Bridezilla’s wedding is hanging in the closet upstairs ( it won’t fit in her flat.)
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August 8, 2015 at 10:22 am
You’re lucky to have dodged that bullet. Red satin? Sheesh.
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August 8, 2015 at 6:08 am
I love that last dress (in blue only), by the way, it’s not terribly expensive AND it is machine washable. Lovely find.
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August 8, 2015 at 10:22 am
Me, too. It’s kind of dreamy. Did you see the closeup of the embroidery? Magnificent.
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August 8, 2015 at 11:50 pm
Speechless, absolutely speechless!
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August 9, 2015 at 12:49 am
You’re welcome! (I think)
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August 9, 2015 at 2:04 am
Yes, that was speechless as in your choices of bridesmaids dresses were breathtaking, and your captions so hilarious, I was speechless. Ah, now I’ve gone and talked.
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August 9, 2015 at 9:59 am
It’s a miracle! You’re cured!
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