My OBT

What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ Volume 52: Always a Bridesmaid

28 Comments

BestVintageFashion

“Celebrity style” bridesmaid gown from the eighties. I assume they are talking about the worst-dressed list. 

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

This week, I had a completely hilarious conversation with a friend about some of the god-awful bridesmaids’ dresses we’ve each been forced to wear over the years. She won the competition for worst dress hands down, but it got me thinking. Since Etsy always delivers up wonderful disasters when I need them, what must they offer in the way of bridesmaids’ dresses? You will be happy to hear that once again, those special, special folks at Etsy delivered!

Throughout history, brides have shown impeccable taste as they look for the perfect dresses for three-to-twelve of their best friends to proudly parade around in. These very classy brides have been imagining their Special Day for their whole lives, and they go to great lengths to make their biffles look their absolute best.

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts. Follow me on Bloglovin!

Ill-fitting $3,600 gown with patchwork lining. By PeacefulFashion

Ill-fitting $3,600 gown with awkward ruching and inexplicable patchwork lining. 

Wowie! There are not words for how much I love ombré. By DressHome

Wowie! There are not words for how much I love ombré. By DressHome

The perfect choice if you want your bridesmaids to look like they're walking around carrying garbage can lids. By LaBelleFairy

The perfect choice if you want your bridesmaids to spend $2K to look like they’re walking around carrying garbage can lids. 

Who knew crumpled tissues could be so festive? By Cheryldine

Who knew crumpled tissues could be so festive? Unfortunately, this trend is catching on

This looks like a bridesmaid's dress on one of the uglier planets on Star Trek (TOS). By Shihar

While unpopular on this planet, this style is very big on Vulcan.

You’re going to get a LOT of attention at this wedding. Mostly from people offering you safety pins. 

What are you laughing at? In Nacogdoches, Texas (a real place), this is the height of fashion. 

This would be a great dress choice for a sanitation-themed wedding. By Metamorphoza

This would be a great dress choice for a sanitation-themed wedding. 

bride 2

Just how insecure does the bride need to be to make her bridesmaids wear this dreck? 

I am completely obsessed with this rose-gold sequin trend, especially when the bride is dressed similarly. By TaShasha

I am completely obsessed with this rose-gold sequin trend, especially when the bride is dressed similarly. By TaShasha

Now you can look both misshapen AND menstrual at the same time. By HedgieFelt

Now your bridesmaids can look both misshapen AND menstrual at the same time. 

I would worry my bridesmaids would sleep with someone at the wedding just for an excuse to take this thing off. By MomoSoho

I would worry my bridesmaids would have sex with someone at the wedding just for an excuse to take this thing off. 

Greek Space Invaders dress for geek weddings. Blind geeks, maybe. By AvanteGarb

Space Invaders bridesmaid’s dress for geek weddings. Stoned geeks, maybe. The designer can also help if your wedding theme is dinosaurs or Rainbow Brite.

“Fairy tale” bridesmaid’s dress. “Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful garbage picker . . .” 

The perfect bridesmaid's dress if 1. your bridesmaid is 6 and 2. your wedding is taking place in the fifties. By SnowOutlet

The perfect custom bridesmaid’s dress if 1. your bridesmaid is six and 2. she will be working in the kitchen during the reception. 

Well, I didn't see this one coming! By RaduSport

You know how every wedding party has that one slutty bridesmaid? Well, this ought to fix that. 

Absolutely stunning cobalt coral-embroidered gown. By MudanFloral

Absolutely stunning cobalt coral-embroidered gown. By MudanFloral

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

28 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ Volume 52: Always a Bridesmaid

  1. Oh what a selection of horrors. Today is actually my wedding anniversary but I’m sorry to report that my bridesmaid all those years ago was not forced to wear something hideous. Given my bridesmaid was my sister, I missed a trick there. The final cobalt one and the rose gold sequined dress are lovely but I’m not sure they are very bridesmaidy – but perhaps that is because I’ve been taught to expect layers of puffy terror as the standard.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great selection of hideousness. Back in the ’80s when I married, my bridesmaids wore Gunne Sax cocktail length dresses. And I am happy to report that two of them wore the dresses to other occasions for years. Of course, now I look at wedding pics and grimace a bit! – Karen

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Some of these dresses I really like, but not as bridesmaids.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You must have busted a gut doing the research for this post, I did just looking at some of these monstrosities and reading your quips. I was only a bridesmaid once, at my sister’s first wedding. I swear the dress that I wore was eerily similar to that first frothy pink dress, only it was a hideous shade of peach (it was 1985). The only thing missing was one of those cheesy parasols. I was so embarrassed that I began drinking as soon as I hit the reception. There is a picture of me, passed out back at my Mom’s house in a big puff of peach, my husband (we were newlyweds at the time) keeping guard over his lush of a new wife.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I’m not sure if my eyes will ever recover . . .

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t think there are nearly enough ha-has for this post. Great minds think alike, though – I too immediately thought “STAR TREK/!!” with that Vulcan dress.

    “Misshapen & menstrual”?? I just CAN’T! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I meant I don’t have enough ha-has; meaning hilarious, obviously.
    Sorry, just came from dinner & DRINK with a friend and that 1 cucumber martini has me a bit “toasty”. I don’t get out enough, it seems 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’ve never been a bridesmaid. Hmmm. But the expensive red satin horror my stepdaughter wore a couple of years ago for Bridezilla’s wedding is hanging in the closet upstairs ( it won’t fit in her flat.)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I love that last dress (in blue only), by the way, it’s not terribly expensive AND it is machine washable. Lovely find.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Speechless, absolutely speechless!

    Liked by 1 person

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