Etsomnia™ Volume 111: Sweater Weather

October 13, 2016 by Donna from MyOBT 16 Comments

"Upcycled" sweater. I just upcycled a little in my mouth.

The upcyclers are at it again. I think I just upcycled a little in my mouth.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

It’s mid-October, and in New York at least, there’s a very definite chill in the air. The change in the weather has sent me hunting around Etsy for this year’s best sweaters. Etsy sellers aren’t afraid to let their freak flags fly when it comes to all things knitted and crocheted. The offerings range from the why to the weird to the wildly unflattering to the WTF. There’s even some pugly. Some of it even kind of works (in a weird way). But I’ll say one thing for them. They certainly aren’t boring!

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

I honestly think this is one of those rare garments that would actually look good on everyone! By FloAtelier.

Here’s something that’s equally useful in all the seasons. By which I mean you should’t wear it during any of them.

For the schizophrenic lady lumberjack in your life.

Love your work.

Why am I suddenly craving fries?

Let's review: sleeveless, "super thick" wool, weird leg armholes. What is this for?

Let’s review: sleeveless, “super thick” wool, droopy diaper butt, weird armholes for your legs. If you just glued on a doll head or two, it would be the quintessential Etsy garment.

I am a total sucker for a sweater poncho! By afra

Because why wouldn’t you want a sweater that makes you look like this guy?

Do not go outside in this sweater. You will blind pilots. Also, people will see you wearing the sweater.

Blah, blah, blah, something about bacteria

Q. What are those things on your sweater?
A. Dried labia.

This set is hand-knitted of 100% No-hair.

My winter accessories fit in a drawer. Hers need their own room.

Is it fashionable? No. Will it keep you warm? Nope. But the cats will love it!

Sweaters designed by cats are very hot this year.

They call this a fairy sweater coat, but I don’t know a single fairy who would put up with this shit.

She didn't mind the itchiness, and she didn't mind the bulk. But Celery couldn't abide the mildew smell.

Shoshana didn’t mind the itchiness, and she liked how absorbent it was in the rain. But the ground-in toothpaste and the lingering smell of mildew were a real problem.

From the children’s book “The Suicidal Owl.”

Where was this eye rapist when I was doing my asymmetrical post?

Where was this offense to good taste when I was doing my asymmetrical post?

I use cropped sweaters and shrugs like this super-stylish item to keep my sleeveless summer wardrobe in circulation a little later in the year! By MyAqua