The upcyclers are at it again. I think I just upcycled a little in my mouth.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
It’s mid-October, and in New York at least, there’s a very definite chill in the air. The change in the weather has sent me hunting around Etsy for this year’s best sweaters. Etsy sellers aren’t afraid to let their freak flags fly when it comes to all things knitted and crocheted. The offerings range from the why to the weird to the wildly unflattering to the WTF. There’s even some pugly. Some of it even kind of works (in a weird way). But I’ll say one thing for them. They certainly aren’t boring!
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.
I honestly think this is one of those rare garments that would actually look good on everyone! By FloAtelier.
Here’s something that’s equally useful in all the seasons. By which I mean you should’t wear it during any of them.
For the schizophrenic lady lumberjack in your life.
Love your work.
Why am I suddenly craving fries?
Let’s review: sleeveless, “super thick” wool, droopy diaper butt, weird armholes for your legs. If you just glued on a doll head or two, it would be the quintessential Etsy garment.
I am a total sucker for a sweater poncho! By afra
Because why wouldn’t you want a sweater that makes you look like this guy?
Do not go outside in this sweater. You will blind pilots. Also, people will see you wearing the sweater.
Q. What are those things on your sweater?
A. Dried labia.
My winter accessories fit in a drawer. Hers need their own room.
Sweaters designed by cats are very hot this year.
They call this a fairy sweater coat, but I don’t know a single fairy who would put up with this shit.
Shoshana didn’t mind the itchiness, and she liked how absorbent it was in the rain. But the ground-in toothpaste and the lingering smell of mildew were a real problem.
From the children’s book “The Suicidal Owl.”
Where was this offense to good taste when I was doing my asymmetrical post?
I use cropped sweaters and shrugs like this super-stylish item to keep my sleeveless summer wardrobe in circulation a little later in the year! By MyAqua
Gwyneth sure is looking excited about the breakup of Brad and Angelina!
Do you think if we repeatedly hit her with a stick, candy will come out?
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My OBT 
October 13, 2016 at 8:45 am
I like number 1.
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October 13, 2016 at 8:57 am
Isn’t it gorgeous?
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October 13, 2016 at 9:10 am
It is and I would wear it.
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October 13, 2016 at 9:51 am
From a mans point of view some of them look warm!
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October 13, 2016 at 10:41 am
Sure. But I’d prefer to be warm AND not look like Sasquatch.
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October 13, 2016 at 1:59 pm
I have a horrible chest cold that has lasted weeks so when I read “dried labia” I started laughing so hard it made me start barking. So that was fun. 😀 That last striped effort made me think someone had shorn the pelt off the Cheshire Cat.
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October 13, 2016 at 2:08 pm
Oh, no! I’m sorry. Sort of. I like the Cheshire Cat observation! Feel better.
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October 13, 2016 at 2:25 pm
No need to apologise. I was just trying to convey how emphatic my laughter.
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October 13, 2016 at 2:41 pm
It was a very visceral description. I am grateful for the bark.
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October 13, 2016 at 2:32 pm
Oh Donna, thank you for making my evening with laughing 😀
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October 13, 2016 at 2:41 pm
You’re very welcome!
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October 13, 2016 at 6:36 pm
Yes, I too got SO many laughs from this post. What the hell are most of these people thinking????
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October 13, 2016 at 6:55 pm
Nobody knows. Terrifying what people will put out there.
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October 14, 2016 at 7:29 am
You hid the good one under that first link! Otherwise, an excellent portrayal of awful.
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October 14, 2016 at 9:46 pm
If feel like I need to apologize to all of the sheep of the world…….
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October 14, 2016 at 10:03 pm
And the alpacas.
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