Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

I love rings. Always have. I have a fairly embarrassing-sized collection, and I used to wear them all the time. Not sure why I got out of the habit, but I have a friend who always wears large, interesting, bold rings, and she’s inspired me to start wearing them again. (That’s right, Annie, I’m talking about you!) Accordingly, I thought I’d go hunting for a wee bauble to inspire me.

But being me, once I headed down the statement ring rabbit hole, rather than trying to find something I’d wear, I found myself hunting for rings no one should wear. In terms of sheer ugliness, Etsy’s ring selection wins the prize. Although I did find many truly spectacular statement rings, the hideous offerings were thick on the ground. Quite a few of the rings I found were big and beautiful, but there were also a lot that were just big. There were inexpensive lovelies and pricey uglies. And of course, there were some things that shouldn’t even be looked at. (And definitely do NOT click this link.) I should warn you that this is a long one. Once I got started, I just couldn’t stop.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!