What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ 192: Statement Rings


“Glamour Turd Statement Ring” because Etsy.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

I love rings. Always have. I have a fairly embarrassing-sized collection, and I used to wear them all the time. Not sure why I got out of the habit, but I have a friend who always wears large, interesting, bold rings, and she’s inspired me to start wearing them again. (That’s right, Annie, I’m talking about you!) Accordingly, I thought I’d go hunting for a wee bauble to inspire me.

But being me, once I headed down the statement ring rabbit hole, rather than trying to find something I’d wear, I found myself hunting for rings no one should wear. In terms of sheer ugliness, Etsy’s ring selection wins the prize. Although I did find many truly spectacular statement rings, the hideous offerings were thick on the ground. Quite a few of the rings I found were big and beautiful, but there were also a lot that were just big. There were inexpensive lovelies and pricey uglies. And of course, there were some things that shouldn’t even be looked at. (And definitely do NOT click this link.) I should warn you that this is a long one. Once I got started, I just couldn’t stop.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!

ring 0

It looks like bugs could hatch out of it at any moment.

Wish I’d had this in June! By isewcute

Is it wrong for me to wish it was a lion, a tiger, and a bear?

I don’t think paper clip chic is ever going to catch on.

The description claims it’s “outerspace bling,” but it looks more to me like this.

This is positively dreamy! By HellaGanorJewelry

For the woman who have everything: finger weights.

Proof positive that a high price tag ($6,600) is no guarantee of good taste!

Even though I know I’d likely put out my own eye, I’m very tempted! By RAHNIIDESIGNS

I’ve never seen anything like this. Stunning! By EmilyJaneDesigner

I’ll bet you $5 she can’t lift that hand.

Not sure what you’d wear it with? Problem solved!

I hope by “runway ready,” they mean it should immediately be put it in the path of a taxing jet.

I’m sure anyone within 10 feet of me would end up punctured, but oh, how I want these claw rings! By pickapicka

The only statement this ring makes is “keep away.”

I assume she’s holding her nose because even she realizes this ring stinks.

Nailed it!

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

12 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ 192: Statement Rings

  1. I know I’m not alone in having clicked the link you told us not to click. I have no regrets. It made some of those other rings look positively tasteful by comparison and you’ve got to admire someone who thinks of a slang based pun and runs with it all the way. Autocorrect turned “runs” into “rims” so even my phone is at it.

    I used to have loads of statement rings in my teens and early 20s then two things happened: I had to have practical hands and my fingers got plumper. I do statement bracelets and necklaces instead now. Some of those rings definitely aren’t designed to be worn by anyone who intends using their hands.


  2. Who, if anyone, buys this stuff.? I am always amazed at the cost of desiging somethings that will never be a sale out.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh my, I love rings bt these? Oy vey! lol. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well, then. I don’t know what else to say, other than someone modeling a ring ought not to have chipped polish on her nails.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh. My. God. Where to start. It’s an ugliness contest, who will be the winner… hmm…. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I shouldn’t have clicked through right before heading to bed. :::shudder::: Although the rainbow heart ring is nice, I’ll focus on that one.


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