My OBT

What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Love Letters to Old Dogs

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Pauline Zonneveld old dog portrait

© 2013 Pauline Zonneveld Photography

It’s been a doggy kind of week.

I admit it. I have a complicated relationship with dogs. I am hugely, stupidly, infuriatingly allergic,  so I mostly endeavor to keep away from them, but when I’m forcibly inserted into their world, because of my breathing problems, I find myself being what I can only call stand-offish. I truly adore dogs, but that adoration must happen from afar. So this tribute is meant as an apology to the dogs in my life with whom I have not bonded, Roxy, LingLing, Bob, and dear departed Ginger, Lucille, and Tiny Alice. Sorry, it’s the best I can do.

The Dog Poems by David Sedaris (accompanied by some very sweet elderly dog portraits by Pauline Zonneveld Photography)

Pepper, Spot, and Leopold
Were sent by God, so I’ve been told,
In hopes we might all comprehend
That every dog is man’s best friend!!!

Hail hyperactive Myrtle,
Owned by folks who are infertile.
Her owners boast as she runs wild,
“She’s not a spaniel, she’s our child!”

Pauline Zonneveld old dog portrait

© 2013 Pauline Zonneveld Photography

Rags, the Shatwells’ Irish setter,
Doubles as a paper shredder.
His lunch was bills and last year’s taxes
Followed by a dozen faxes.

Kimmy, once considered ruthless,
Lies in her basket, bald and toothless.
Her youth’s long spent, so now she passes
All her time releasing gases.

Petunia May they say was struck
Chasing down a garbage truck.
A former purebred Boston terrier,
Her family’s wond’ring where to bury her.

Each Saturday at half past one,
Miss shih tzu has her toenails done.
In the chair she pouts and squirms,
Not knowing that she’s full of worms.

Most ev’ry evening Goldilocks
Snacks from Kitty’s litter box.
Then, on command, she gives her missus
Lots of little doggie kisses.

Pauline Zonneveld old dog portrait

© 2013 Pauline Zonneveld Photography

Hercules, a Pekinese,
Was taken in and dipped for fleas.
Insecticide got in his eyes,
Now he’ll be blind until he dies.

The Deavers’ errant pit bull, Cass,
Bit the postman on the ass.
Her lower teeth destroyed his sphincter,
Now his walk’s a bit distincter.

The bitches loved the pug Orestes
Until the vet snipped off his testes.
Left with only anal glands,
He’s been reduced to shaking hands.

Pauline Zonneveld old dog portrait

© 2013 Pauline Zonneveld Photography

Each night, old Bowser licks his balls,
Then falls asleep till nature calls.
He poops a stool, then, though it’s heinous,
Bends back down and licks his anus.

Dachshund Skip from Winnipeg
Loves to hump his master’s leg.
Every time he gets it up, he
Stains Bill’s calf with unborn puppy.

A naughty Saint Bernard named Don,
Finds Polly’s Kotex in the john.
He holds the blood steak in his jaws
And mourns her coming menopause.

Feels a bit like the canine version of this:

All photos from the Good Old Dog Project.

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

7 thoughts on “Love Letters to Old Dogs

  1. I was afraid when I started that this was going to be all sentimental and make me cry. I should have known better. xoxo

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  2. Oh my god, we have to work on this allergy! One just cannot go through life stand-offish to dogs. My gf was wildly allergic to my dog when we met. In the eager-to-please early days she’d come to my apartment with Benadryl, tissues, and hive ointment. I sent her off to an allergist but no go; she simply has to soldier on. D Dogg has since died (Is your email on here? I’ll send you her old lady dog photo.) and I’ve gotten another dog she that is allergic to. Why oh why are the best women allergic to dogs!? Jesus.

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  3. Pingback: Dog Years | My OBT

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