Etsomnia™ Volume IX: For the Kids

August 26, 2014 by Donna from MyOBT 4 Comments

et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered in one’s sleep.

Beautiful color wheel puzzle by ThePuzzledOne

Trippy-and-wonderful color wheel puzzle by ThePuzzledOne

Me: (to niece) Riley, how old are you?

Riley (with a New York accent): Tewww

In (slightly belated) honor of tiny Native New Yorker Riley’s second birthday, here is an episode of Etsomnia™ dedicated to the kiddies.

Here are the best and worst items for children I stumbled over in the wee hours on Etsy, in no particular order. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

(Etsy-addict’s tip: If you do a search for baby mobile on Etsy, you will lose several hours of your life, all the while going squee. No joke. This post took me two days because I got lost in mobile land and couldn’t find my way out. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

Even though she seems like she’s not having a great day, I love this Bridget Doll sewing pattern by BlueWhimsyEtsy

"Go right to sleep, little boy, or the bunny gets it." Sold by TheCraftshipCompany

“You’d better go right to sleep, little boy, or the bunny gets it.”

Spectacular flower girl dress and headpiece by GiselleBoutique

I'm fairly certain if the child carrying this is any older than 4, he will have his ass kicked, but look how cute! By CreativeWorkstation

On the one hand, if the child carrying this is any older than 4, he will likely get his ass kicked. On the other hand, penguin! By CreativeWorkstation

Is your child too confident? Hanging this judgy sheep over his bed should knock him down a peg or two!

And in the so-stupid-it's-irresistible category, behold the snowman hat. By GarysAngel

And in the so-stupid-it’s-irresistible category, behold the Frosty the Snowman hat by GarysAngel

Look, it’s Wooly Willy! I had one of these as a kid. Of course, these days, it would be marketed as “Insta-Hipster.” Sold by CashmereJellyBean

Taken out of context, this quote seems like an odd if bold choice for a children’s room.

At a loss for what to give that special infant in your life? How about a scary knitted caterpillar with crazy eyes?

This, on the other hand, is the best idea ever. A tablecloth playhouse. I want a time machine so I can go back and play with it when I still fit under a table. By CoolSpacesForKids

Dress-up costumes have gotten soooo much better since I was little. (See the picture on the right for an illustration of how awful our costumes were.) Beautiful wings I want to wear to work by Tree and Vine

Let's forget for a moment that poor Henry was dressed in something amounting to blackface. Just look at the tragic quality of the crap we're wearing.

Here’s a prime example of how bad costumes were when I was growing up. Let’s overlook for the moment that poor Henry was wearing something akin to blackface. Just look at the tragic quality of the crap we’re wearing.

And on the other side of the, er, taste spectrum, here's a light-up baby mobile comprised, as far as I can tell, of stuff found at the bottom of some boxes in this lady's basement. By xoMoreSugarPleasexo

And in the not-at-all-cute department, here’s a light-up baby mobile sure to induce everything from alien abduction nightmares to seizures.

I want to object to this. I want to make a joke about weird mustachioed men floating over your infant’s head. But they’re so damned cute! By FunkySheepy