My OBT

What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ Volume 76: Be Mine?!? (A Little NSFW)

26 Comments

V-Day lingerie just ain't what it used to be. By KnotforYouDesigns

Valentine’s Day lingerie, Etsy style. By the surprisingly self-aware KnotforYouDesigns

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

CAUTION: this week’s Etsomnia™ gets a little blue. If you’re not yet of consenting age, go look at this one instead.

Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays that inspires in people a wide range of emotions: love, romance, commitment, annoyance, fury, disgust, depression, loneliness, and murderous rage. It was simpler when we were children. You got an ugly card for your mother and bought a package of lame valentines that you gave out to your classmates. You ate those terrible, hard, candy hearts with messages on them without really understanding what they meant, and all was right with the world.

As an adult, however, V-Day is fraught with peril. If you’re in a relationship, you have to worry about finding (or, heaven help us, making) the perfect gift, sending the right message, finding the balance between too much and not enough. If you’re not in a relationship, you have to decide how to spend the dreaded day so that your coupled friends don’t make boo-boo faces at you or pat you consolingly while promising “there’s someone out there for you, too.” Blerg.

Beloved and I already know how lucky we are, so we usually spend Valentine’s day with our single friends, being non-Valentinesy. We go in for really good chocolates and wine, and the cards we exchange are either truly funnyscreamingly inappropriate, or hilariously terrible. I dislike pink, I can’t bear hearts, and I would prefer unexpected flowers, so The Big Day isn’t such a big day in our house. Frankly, we both find the whole thing kind of gross, so we’re only too happy to keep it low key.

Not everyone subscribes to our attitude, however.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

I admit it. I find sensitive men a little gross. But you have to admit that if you saw a straight man walking around wearing these, you'd punch him, too. By SmilingKnitting

I admit it. I have a problem with sensitive men. But you have to admit that if you saw a straight man walking around wearing these, you’d punch him, too.

So cool! Now you can make a necklace of your vanquished enemy's tongue! What? It's a heart? That's disappointing. By RebeccasEmporium

Oh, boy! Now you can make a necklace of your vanquished enemy’s tongue! What? It’s a heart locket? Well, that’s disappointing.

If you absolutely must, I guess this is pretty cute. By shop3xu

If you absolutely must, I guess this is pretty cute. Unless, of course, the answer is no. By shop3xu

That dog is completely aware of how stupid he looks. By AllYouNeedIsPugShop

That dog is completely aware of how stupid he looks. And he’s not the only sufferer.

A bit too literal for me, but there's a cardiologist out there who would love it. By OnceAgainSam

A bit too literal for me, but somewhere out there is a cardiologist out there who would love it. By OnceAgainSam

I honestly know 50 people who would love to get these (including me!). By VonErickson

I honestly know 50 people who would be thrilled to get their hands on these (including me!). By VonErickson

Something from the T.M.I. Collection. By SkullAndHawk

Something from the T.M.I. Collection. 

This seems to me more like a warning. By BottleBreacher

This seems to me more like a warning.

"Joyful Jester" Valentine's Day hat. Ho, boy. By FeltHappiness

“Joyful Jester” Valentine’s Day hat. This is not going to help you get lucky unless your amour is an actual jester.

Just shut up and get in the shopping basket. We will never speak of this. Do you understand? By CollageOrama

Just get in the shopping basket. If anyone asks, we don’t know each other. Do you understand? By CollageOrama

Here's a little something for your (terminally) single friends. By ShiningBead

Here’s a little something cosy for your (terminally) single friends.

This is actually kind of adorable, especially if you're having an affair at the office! By hotpinkkiki

They do say to dress for the job you want . . .By hotpinkkiki

Oh, look! Another cute matchbook card! Wait, if that's toilet paper, then that other thing is . . . By shop3xu

Oh, look! Another cute matchbook card! Wait, if that’s toilet paper, then that other thing is . . . OH, COME ON. 

Unless you're in grade school, this is not going to get you laid. Not that you'd get laid in grade school. I mean, oh hell. You know what I mean. By 2CrazyMares

Unless you’re in grade school, this is not going to get you laid. Not that you’d get laid in grade school. I mean, oh hell, you know what I mean.

Chocolate sperm, just like mom used to make! By SinfulSweetsByRachel

Chocolate sperm, just like mom used to make!

Valentine's Day decorations, if you can imagine. By MarleyandMurtle

Oh, good! I was worried I wouldn’t find any derpy Valentine’s owls!

This is a "Be my Valentine" felt dress for a Realpuki doll. I have no idea what that is, but I'm feeling pretty pukey, myself. By RealPukiPukiLand

This is a “Be my Valentine” felt dress for a Realpuki doll. I have no idea what that is, but just looking at it is making me feel real pukey.

Etsy, inspiring people to glue things to other things since 1998. By ThePokeyPoodle

Etsy, inspiring people to glue things to other things for no good reason since 1998. I also wanted to note that the URL for this item refers to it as “valentine-glitter-house-large-pink-putz,” so there’s that

"What, babe? It's a joke? Babe? BABE?" By TimeForLoveShop, if you can imagine

“What, babe? It’s a joke? Oh, come on. It’s funny. Come back. Babe… BABE?” 

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

26 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ Volume 76: Be Mine?!? (A Little NSFW)

  1. I love you so much. That is all.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My husband and I don’t do valentines either. We tried it once but we were forced to take our third baby with us. Boy were we popular in the restaurant that evening. Anyway, I detest Valentine’s Day. This edition of Etsomnia just adds to my sense that the whole tradition needs entirely binned. Except for those love heart hair slides. I like the cynicism of those. That chimes with my view of Valentines day.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t celebrate Valentine and have never done and with your list here Donna, I know why. Terrible gift ideas 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This all makes me glad to be single! (Also, missed you this past week in Savannah . . . )

    Liked by 1 person

  5. These are totally bad enough! Good job.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Fabulous. Except for that pukey feeling I’m suddenly experiencing.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Reblogged this on and commented:
    Another amazing post from the MY OBT blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. By the time one would themselves into that first item Valentine’s Day would be over.

    Another delightful post. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Etsomnia?
    I learned a new word 😉.
    So, what about valentines day? With my boyfriend, it’s always valentines day!
    Thanks for the beautiful pictures.
    Have a nice day 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I hope you included me in the 50 people who want those barrettes. Valentine’s Day can be depressing when one is single but there is a cure, the company of most people.

    Liked by 1 person

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