You may recall this doghouse from the Wee Edition of Etsomnia™. It got me thinking. By Jumahl
et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered in one’s sleep.
“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx
There’s no way to wander the wilds of Etsy and miss the thousands of items for pets and pet lovers. When I needed (yes, needed!) giraffe earrings, Etsy didn’t disappoint. Of course, like the rest of the site, some items are wonderful and inventive and fabulous and others are, well, you know.
As usual, the seller’s name below the picture links to the item for sale. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
Dear Hipsters,
No.
Love and hugs, Me
Vintage eighties cat sweater, modeled by Ric Ocasek.
Satisfy your dog’s inner Kardashian. By the way, this wasn’t the worst of it.
Really stunning hand-tooled leather collar and leash FOR $256 AMERICAN. From the very stylish (and very pricey) SakuraDogwareFactory
A religious-themed cat litter box. Let me say that again. Religious-themed. Cat. Litter. Box. For $180.
Shelley Long has really let herself go. Hilariously wonderful custom-made dog wig by WigMastersDream
This super-cool Coca-Cola upcycled crate dog bed is totally worth $120. By TheRescueMama
Birthday Sprinkles Tutu Harness Dog Dress. Yep. By KOCouture, whose store carries an embarrassment of riches in the over-the-top doggie costume department.
I wouldn’t wear it, but on the right person, this would be hilarious. Of course, on the wrong one, it would be a nightmare, but still hilarious. By SkipNWhistle, who is clearly in on the joke
This little guy certainly has character. I just wish we could see the original pet photos from which his works are made. Weirdly compelling custom pet portrait by the deranged-yet-undeniably-talented WireArtInc
$6,500 will get you this Swarovski Angel Pet Bed by a seller whose clientele likely consists of former stripper trophy wives in need of overpriced dog junk.
Aaah, felting! Sorry, couldn’t resist and really thought it was a good counterpoint to the blinged-out thing above on the left. Of course, that one blinds you and this one makes you wish you were blind. To be fair, though, the cat looks comfortable.
And to balance out the pet bed disasters above and right, here’s a reasonably-priced, amazingly-inventive dog bed by WanderLusterVintage
Wondering what to wear to Walmart when you go to pick up a half gallon of ice cream which you will then eat by yourself (except for the cats, that is) in a single sitting while weeping and watching the Hallmark Channel? How about this garment by a seller who has, frankly, let herself go.
Alright, who got the cat stoned again? By PimperedPooch who has a lot of other highly satisfying pictures in her store as well.
The very best micro-mini pet portraits ever! These 2″x2″ bits of adorable are by ArtsyPawsBoutique, and I have commissioned her to paint two portraits of our dear departed Henry VIII!
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My OBT 
October 16, 2014 at 9:54 am
The lucky person whose need for giraffe earrings was met knows she is lucky.
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October 16, 2014 at 9:57 am
I love my dog very, very much but no. Anybody wearing hand-tooled leather, it’s going to be me. And nobody in my house is wearing that dress.
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October 16, 2014 at 10:50 am
This is all good news!
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October 16, 2014 at 10:04 am
Too bad our dog is 100lbs or I’d be ordering the Coca-Cola bed now.
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October 16, 2014 at 10:51 am
Isn’t it beautiful?
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October 16, 2014 at 12:23 pm
I. LOVE. These! I am so totally addicted to these; they are a well balanced combination of awesomeness and completely, wonky cray-cray. Most hilarious – your caption under the Ric Ocasek sweater. 😀
PS – I’m clicking on that shit show one next!
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October 16, 2014 at 2:34 pm
Shitshow is one of my faves, but don’t miss Fail is in the Air
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October 17, 2014 at 5:03 am
Wow. Spectacular to disaster. You’ve covered all bases here. I’m still reeling about the $6500 sparkly bed.
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October 17, 2014 at 5:38 am
Yes, that was quite a find. It’s amazing what people will spend money on.
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