My OBT

What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ Volume XXXVIII: Bathing . . . Beauties?

23 Comments

bath 0 ComicWomenEt·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

I’m headed to warmer climes for a few days, and the idea of spending time by the pool with some friends is giving me the yips. For one thing, I’ve been covered up all winter, and I’m afraid my fishbelly-white legs and arms will burst into flames at the first sight of the sun. For another, last October, I started eating in preparation for winter, ursine-style, but I forgot to 1. hibernate, and 2. stop eating. Therefore, I thought this week’s Etsomnia should be about bathing suits and beach accessories. Of course, Etsy’s bathing suit offerings run the gamut from the nearly non-existent (NSFW) (also, I’m sorry) to the gratuitously volumnious.

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you don’t click on the links in the descriptions, you’re missing half the fun. Of course, I am talking about the links on random words. Whether or not you click on the sellers’ names is your business.

AFTERTHOUGHT: While I was supposed to be proofreading this post, I got distracted (shiny!) and came across this article on Buzzfeed about another blogger whose body-positive message has gone positively viral, so I’m going to try to take her as an inspiration to help bolster my courage. Look out world, here I come! (No pictures, please.)

Let's start with something sweet for a change. How cute is this little girl in her mermaid suit? By TAILZmermaidGear (who also make great mermaid tails which I have purchased before)

Let’s start with something sweet for a change. How cute is this little girl in her mermaid suit? By TAILZmermaidGear (who also make great mermaid tails which I have purchased before)

Oh, those weird crocheted one-piece bathing suits of the seventies just won't go away, will they? By GrandmaHadItGoingOn

Those weird crocheted one-piece bathing suits of the seventies just won’t go away, will they? Maybe it’s because nothing was biodegradable.

Those tan lines are going to be hard to justify. By SoSexyExoticWear

Here’s a picture of me in this unnecessarily complicated number. You’re welcome. By the maker also responsible for this thing which is very specific in terms of nipple altitude.

In case you were concerned that your chihuahua would have nothing to wear to the beach, have no fear! I think it's especially saucy that the pupkini is in a cat pattern. By Delightful Dogs

If your inner Elle Woods was panicking that your chihuahua would have nothing to wear to the beach, all is well! DelightfulDogs has got Bruiser covered with this saucy cat-patterned bikini

How are you supposed to keep your stuff in this? I've worn bigger band-aids. By WildNSweet

How are you supposed to keep your goodies in this contraption? I had a nip slip just looking at it. On the bright side, though, if you were shipwrecked, it would make a great slingshot.

Leave it to Etsy to deliver a bathing suit with an identity crisis. The top covers up more than the Edwardians did, and what on earth is going on with the bottom?

And speaking of Victorians, of course Etsy can deliver any period costume you can think up. Did you know that bathing costumes were made of wool? Ick! By GlacierMilk

Speaking of vintage bathing costumes, here’s one in the Victorian style, complete with wool tunic, bloomers, and booties. Those Victorians really turned discomfort into an art form.

 

This beach towel would certainly turn some heads. Especially the front. By MyPartyShirt

This beach towel would certainly turn some heads. Especially from the front.

As relatively-conservative one-piece bathing suits go, I think this one is pretty wonderful! By Mirasol Swimwear

As relatively-conservative one-piece bathing suits go, I think this one is pretty wonderful! By Mirasol Swimwear.

Alright, I'll try. By SignFail who reproduce signs they have found in the wild

Alright, I’ll try. By SignFail who reproduce signs they have allegedly  found in the wild.

In case you were curious what "steampunk bathing suit" turned up, here you go. By KelseysCreationsShop

In case you were wondering what “steampunk bathing suit” turned up, wonder no more.

Happily, the sad blue steampunk number was immediately followed by this hilarious tragedy! By SteamDrivenTailoring

Happily, the sad blue steampunk number was immediately followed by this adorably hilarious getup! I assume the gun is sold separately, but it is coming from Florida, so who can say? By SteamDrivenTailoring

Oh, hell yeah! Wish I'd seen this one in time for my trip. By OuterLimitz

Oh, hell yeah! Wish I’d seen this one in time for my trip.  I will certainly be rocking one of these this summer! By OuterLimitz

This pinup suit, on the other hand, would be less than flattering on anyone shaped like a person. By SnapItUpVintage

This silver pinup suit, on the other hand, would be less than flattering on anyone shaped like a person.

I realize I'm stretching my theme a bit including this, but I liked it so much, I couldn't resist. By CityLimitsVintage

I realize I’m stretching my theme a bit including this sign, but I liked it so much, I couldn’t resist. By CityLimitsVintage.

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

23 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ Volume XXXVIII: Bathing . . . Beauties?

  1. so are we going for the 50’s look? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can’t decide which freaks me out more – the humans or the mannequins. Some of them are seriously freaky, and not in the awesome Kim Cattrall movie way. I might have to watch that tonight. Anyhoot, fabulous finds. Thanks for posting! I’m going to see if my nipples can ever achieve that particular height.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. KEdwardian Kardashian Chastity Belt and Less Than Flattering Dhian Carol Shimmer Suit are FOR ME!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ok, I am SUCH a sucker for a good Captain-Kirk meme! Hilarious! I did not miss one ounce of your random-word fun so, win! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love that 50’s style bathing suit. I also liked that sparkly silver one…..well, one can dream!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I adore your Etsy posts. That black vintage swimsuit is the best! And I have a strong urge to purchase that sign.
    Some of the other stuff? I think my retinas are burning!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Heaven help me; I couldn’t help wondering what the slingshot number looked like in back. But I too love the black one with the fringe and I’m bookmarking her page.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I know I really should not have done but I clicked the link to the crocheted micro thong and now I have to add it to the list of things I wish I could unsee. Why on earth are Victorian swim suits making a come back? That sign is great!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh my goodness this brought back a few memories of my own and gave me a laugh thank you 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Have I told you how much I look forward to Thursdays just because of these posts? Because I do!

    Liked by 1 person

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