Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
“May Siri be able to decipher your slurred requests for bar locations this St. Patrick’s Day.”
-SomeECards“And may you not throw up in your Uber.” -Me
Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Whether you are part Irish or are, like me, Celt-deficient, you can’t help but be inundated by the wearing of, decorating with, and general waving about of the green. (Unless you’re in the non-touristy parts of Ireland, where it’s a religious holiday rather than an excuse for public debauchery.) I thought today, we’d explore the items advertised on Etsy as being related to St. Pat’s Day, from the clever to the (Etsy) predictable to the unexpected to the inexplicable.
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.
Ladies, guard your Lucky Charms. Baby Conan’s coming for you. By SimplyCollectible
This crusty shamrock oil painting is $110. I suspect the artist may paint (and price) drunk
I searched for Irish sweater, and this happened. Apparently where she lives, when you pass out after a night of revelry, people glue garbage to you.
Who knew the Amish celebrated St. Patty’s Day?
St. Pat’s Day vest for your lawn moose. What’s that? You don’t have a lawn moose? I can’t imagine why not.
I applaud the sentiment, but they’re forgetting about the restorative powers of vodka and cake. By CountryWorkshop
Like the vampires that walk among us undisguised on Halloween, on St. Patty’s Day, the Town Drunk is free to stagger about, letting his fuddled flag fly. By EmilysCraftys
Well, that’s one way to meet guys. Here’s another (with apologies to St. Patrick.)
St. Patrick’s Day is so infectious, even the Grim Reaper gets in the spirit!
This is a, um… It’s for your, er… It’s to wear under your kilt. “Perfect for showing your Irish pride.”
Nothing says St. Patrick like a swishy Armand Assante doll wearing… whatever this is.
Now, here’s a green-clad wiener I can get behind!
By DownUnderDogDesigns
St. Patrick’s Day, when even the rats are Irish. By PenelopesClosets
This is a refreshing alternative to the endless “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” wear. By TeesAndTankYouShop
The perfect place to go for a wee drinkie! By ValueARTifacts
Shamrock beard embellishments. What a great way to distract from the food in your beard! By Beardaments
Top hat with shamrocks, hearts, feathers, rainbows, fur balls, gold coins, a Care Bear, and even another tiny top hat. It’s like a St. Patrick’s Day hat for hoarders.
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My OBT 
March 17, 2016 at 7:12 am
Back up: Armand Assante doll?
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March 17, 2016 at 7:42 am
That’s who it looks like to me. Don’t you concur?
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March 17, 2016 at 7:45 am
Definitely. I’m kind of sad now that it’s not a thing, though.
Whatever happened to Armand Assante.
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March 17, 2016 at 8:52 am
He’s still around. He’s got an awful lot of stuff in production right now (according to IMDB, from whence hails all my knowledge).
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March 17, 2016 at 8:42 am
That sweater -shudder- I mean, the poor thing has had so much booze spilled on it that it’s actually drunk…
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March 17, 2016 at 8:53 am
Here’s hoping. I’d hate to think that happened sober!
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March 17, 2016 at 9:18 am
the beard embellishments, definitely!
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March 17, 2016 at 10:14 am
Obviously!
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March 17, 2016 at 10:08 am
You have outdone yourself, Donna. There is not a single remotely passable item in your Etsomnia post this week. They are all utterly and entirely gross and crappy. The banner of leprechaun laundry in your introduction is cute and I like the wit of the Gaelic t-shirt but all the actual featured items are completely horrid. I don’t have even a sliver of Irish to me so we don’t do St Patrick’s Day. This post makes me relieved that is the case.
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March 17, 2016 at 10:15 am
My work here is done . . .
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March 18, 2016 at 5:27 pm
March 18, 2016 at 5:28 pm
I’d say you left me speechless, but actually my comment about reaching for my people’s Scotch whiskey didn’t appear . . .
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March 18, 2016 at 7:40 pm
Sláinte!
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March 19, 2016 at 3:06 pm
Those unfortunate models though…. Both human and canine. so sad.
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March 19, 2016 at 5:01 pm
True.
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