This is the “Johnny Walker Liquor Cart.” To quote Megan Trainor, “NO.”
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
My friends and I enjoy a cocktail. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t behave like irresponsible 21-year-olds (unless you consider bad dancing irresponsible), and we definitely don’t drink to get drunk, but the carrot at the end of our stick usually takes the form of an ice-cold dirty martini or a great glass of wine. We are therefore very much fans of the paraphernalia of liquor and wine, and Etsy has it in spades. The items run from awesome to awful, with the usual range in between.
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.
Etsy, coming to a trailer park near you. And good news. The bikini tops are removable!
Good grief, is that a talking sperm coming out of that shirt?!? By BoooTees
Might not want to bring this one to work. By AshleysCustomApparel
Combo wine rack and gun cabinet. What? No humidor?
Now there’s a candidate I can get into (literally)! By Funnyflasks
No matter how much I want a drink, I can’t imagine a day bad enough to make me take one from this horrifying thing.
I guess in Jimmy Durante’s day, when strangers stuck your disembodied head in their bottles, you’d know you had arrived.
Boozy gourmet chocolates? Yes, please! By ElixirChocolates
I’m not saying it would stop me from drinking, but this glass might force me to drink directly from the bottle.
Russian vodka carafe and glasses. I thought Russians loved vodka, but this looks to me like a hate crime.
We have a number of vintage liquor advertising around our house, but I’ve never seen this one. It’s a beaut! By Vintagemasters
I can see why you’d want your own kids’ drawings on your coasters, but a strange kid’s drawings? Why?
I am fascinated by the crossover style of this drinks trolley. It kind of feels to me like industrial meets turn-of-the-century French flower cart. Yum! By OilfieldSlang
Beer and pretzel lollipops that guarantee a “beer aftertaste.” I’m guessing the makers aren’t marketing experts. By SugarBakersBakery
Possibly the scariest corkscrew ever. Plus Ernest Borgnine looks like hell.
WWI artillery shell cocktail shaker. Very handsome, but a bit too grim for me.
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My OBT 
April 21, 2016 at 11:04 am
Having these items in my 1970s cocktail cabinet (currently filled with baking items more than booze) would increase my sobriety. I do love the vintage poster though.
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April 21, 2016 at 11:37 am
Wasn’t that cool?
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April 21, 2016 at 11:40 am
I love art and design from that era generally.
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April 21, 2016 at 11:42 am
Me, too!
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April 21, 2016 at 6:39 pm
Thank you so much for featuring The Rouler Bar Cart! Love your blog and keep up the awesome work. Here is a link to the item on the Oilfield Slang website.
http://www.oilfieldslang.com/products/the-rouler-bar-cart
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April 21, 2016 at 9:01 pm
Thank you for the visit! That bar cart is glorious. If I had a place for it, I would make it mine!
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April 21, 2016 at 7:09 pm
Incredibly scary corkscrew, and those bikini top koozies are scarier.
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April 21, 2016 at 9:02 pm
And now I’m picturing them together. Yipe.
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April 23, 2016 at 4:09 pm
Fernet FTW! (Looking forward to having some in San Francisco next month.)
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April 23, 2016 at 11:34 pm
I don’t know what any of that means, but I’ll drink to that, too!
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