My OBT

What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ 107: Put on Your Big Girl Pants

34 Comments

pants-1

If a teardrop tattoo means that you murdered someone, I shudder to think what a teardrop on the seat of your pants would mean…

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

Of all the fashion-related searches I’ve done, and there have been some doozies, this one turned up some of the most appalling items ever. Some were weird, some were confusing, some were janky, some were just plain fugly, but boy-oh-boy, you just won’t believe the pants out there!

(I realized belatedly that I totally forgot to include some pants that I loved, so here’s these!)

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

Do you think she is shaped like this underneath?

And now this theme song is stuck in my head.

Finally! Pants with a guest room!

Finally! Pants with a guest room!

These are called pet me pants. I'm not falling for that again!

These are called “pet-me” pants. I’m not falling for that again!

“Skirt pants.” Absolutely not.

These are $120 "resurrected pants." Maybe they should have left them alone.

These are $120 “resurrected pants.” Maybe they should have left them alone.

Know what happens at Oktoberfest? Beer. Know what happens when you drink beer? You need to pee. Know what happens when you have to get through 10 suede buttons first? Well, do you?

What happens at Oktoberfest? Beer. What happens when you drink beer? You have to urinate. And do you know what happens when you have to escape from 10 suede-covered buttons first? Well, do you?

Some designs would only appeal to the colorblind. These would only appeal to the actual blind.

Some designs would only appeal to the colorblind. These would only appeal to the actual blind.

When did shabby chic become shitty chic?

When did shabby chic become shitty chic?

"Couture Drag Runway" pants. I know a bit about all those things, and this isn't any of them.

“Couture Drag Runway” pants. I know a bit about all those things, and I can say with some confidence this isn’t any of them.

I don't remember Project Runway doing an unconventional materials challenge in a party store.

When did Project Runway do an unconventional materials challenge in a party store?

No, thanks. I would rather not taste the rainbow.

No, I am not going to taste the rainbow. Thanks anyway.

I'm a little bummed I missed including these in last week's Derpy Etsomnia!

I’m a little bummed I missed including this poor hopeless leopard in last week’s Derp-fest!

For the record, we would have made fun of these in the eighties, too.

For the record, we would have made fun of these in the eighties, too.

These are “festival pants.” And you know what I think of festivals.

I wasn't allowed to have jeans when I was a kid. My mother called them 'dungarees' in a tone of voice that implied they came with actual dung on them. I suspect this is what she had in mind.

I wasn’t allowed to have jeans when I was a kid. My mother called them ‘dungarees’ in a tone of voice that implied they came with actual dung on them. In this case, she wasn’t wrong.

So THAT'S where the sun rises and sets. Huh. Who knew?

I once knew someone who believed that the sun rose and set in their pants. I’m tempted to buy and send these, but they’d never get the joke.

The reader caption contest is back! Write your photo captions in the comments.

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

34 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ 107: Put on Your Big Girl Pants

  1. There is just something wrong about an HP Lovecraft fan wearing old navy women’s pajamas. But, if for some reason I were to get scared I could easily hide in the spare bedroom pants, so there is that. Once again, I see you have the sprockets boys posing at the end. I have to go dance now.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Here in NM, the gal in the tear drop mom pants would be nicknamed, La Teardrop Loca and Mr. Dexter we would call…a painter. Why painters wear white, I must look up. No comment on the fuzzy pet me pants. You said it all.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I like your new “Caption the disaster” feature. But all I can think of is Oh Dear God. (Okay, I was thinking that as I scrolled though all of the pics.)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Atlas is forced to kneel before Zeus and hold the world for all eternity.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. you are hysterical! the dungaree caption killed me! my dad use to say it the same way! hahaa! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  6. So I just finished watching the Project Runway premiere and was thinking of it as I scrolled down . . . and hit you comment! Girls of a feather . . .

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is hilarious! At first I misread your post, as things you had BOUGHT on Etsy! Dear god, wish I had such taste, I said to myself as I scrolled down – then I realised!
    The last one, the caption photo, made me splutter!
    I’m not into Etsy – but I think you have converted me!
    One question – do you have to have permission to use these photos, or it is it ok as they are on Etsy?

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Oh Donna, you did it again 😀 The only pair, as I would wear of these, are the jeans with the leopard. The men as you included here are hilarious in all these pants 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I love your captions! LOL! My try for the last picture: Do you think Granny will miss her afghans?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Caption….is there room in those pants for their disco balls?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I kind of think they all bring out the Dexter theme song…

    Liked by 1 person

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