Unicorns, now with more dildo.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
Bestie, Beloved, and our crew are currently casting about for 1. something to do on Halloween, and 2. something to BE for Halloween. We’ve all been so busy this year, we haven’t had any time to think about it, and suddenly, it’s nearing the end of September. Yipe!
If you throw enough money at it, there are some truly spectacular, Hollywood-worthy costumes to be had on Etsy. Last year, in fact, I made a thorough examination of Etsy’s highest-priced costume items. This year, though, I’m on a budget and looking for something to wear!
Some of the costumes I encountered defied description. There were the usual tragedies, some exceptionally beauties, some bad jokes, some good jokes, and some costumes so uncomfortable, I couldn’t even post their pictures.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.
Pepperoni pizza is what the best-dressed vermin are wearing this year. We’ve been off carbs for so many months, I suspect Beloved would find this really sexy. By Custommadebybethany
I would have thought that the only good Jar Jar Binks is a dead one. I was mistaken. There is no good Jar Jar Binks.
Do I know what they are? No, I do not. But I love them anyway! By HelenBudniatsky
I call this a Roomba costume. Although it’s gorgeous, it will also sweep the floor as you walk and pick up every bit of animal hair, dust, cigarette ash, and spilled beer you pass. By CostureroReal
Great hat, though I suspect I would regret wearing it to the NYPD family viewing area at the parade. By the nice folks at LOLLIDZ (who also make this!)
“What did you go as for Halloween?”
“Second base.”
I assume this Left Shark costume comes with a bottle of Fireball and a long straw.
My search for costume hats turned up some crazy shit. Bah-dum-bum.
Damn me and my stupid expensive taste! By RomanticThreads
Very cool, but it isn’t really my style. My costumes are either 100% guy or super girly! By DaNeeNa
Now this, I can definitely work with! By SiminsCreations
“Light-up Lisa Frank costume.” I don’t know who Lisa Frank is, but if she’s older than 12, somebody needs to give her a drug test.
Child abuse, pure and simple.
This is so good, I’m pretty sure I’m going to dream about it tonight. By 12Reign
Allegedly inspired by Katy Perry’s “Dark Horse” costume, this looks more to me like “Craft Store Egyptian Mouse.”
Not only is this knitted Alien face-hugger ugly, but after the first half hour, it’s going to smell like saliva and poor personal choices in there.
In light of Zika, this mosquito costume seems in particularly bad taste this year.
Band name of the day: Spider Derp
This costume is called the “Bone Ranger,” and I leave it up to your imagination how exactly one would wear it.
I know just how he feels! Outstanding moon mask by Kolossos
Reader caption time!
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My OBT 
September 22, 2016 at 8:08 am
Wow. I love that teal dress…that leather outfit…wow wow wow!
I did have a spit moment when I read the caption…second base. Well done!
I thought the alien crocheted thingy was very clever. Loved it. The moon…awesome. I giggled at the pizza rodent. I really have never thought about dressing up the mice in the chicken coop…but hey, now that I have…I am thinking sunflower seed costumes so the chickens will do some “cleaning”. Maybe cockroach.
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September 22, 2016 at 9:56 am
That’s brilliant! I love it. Or you could dress the chickens up as cats to scare away the mice.
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September 22, 2016 at 10:09 am
Oooooh. Here kitty kitty. I usually say chickie. I had sugar in my garage on my pantry shelf. I thought, mice won’t eat the sugar and they didn’t. For years. Then…one day I saw evidence of a mouse! Well, you know…I have no fuzzy feelings for them. They are food for bigger animals…period. So, mouse trap. When he was caught, that mouse was so fat. Like morbidly obese! He developed a sugar addiction I believe. He could have carried a piece of pizza on his back!
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September 22, 2016 at 11:49 am
How funny!
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September 22, 2016 at 8:10 am
The last dude looking like a retired Vegas show girl…he just looks creepy. Like silence of the lambs creepy. What are you…about a size 14? I still can’t listen to the Tom Petty song “American Girl” the same way.
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September 22, 2016 at 10:05 am
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September 22, 2016 at 10:31 am
That scene was incredibly disturbing…the whole movie. Still gives me chills.
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September 22, 2016 at 8:51 am
“Phantom of the Opera’s younger half-brother, Milton.”
I am going to have to take off work today so I can ponder the reality that there are people out there who actually dress up their rodents.
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September 22, 2016 at 10:06 am
Milton! I absolutely love it.
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September 22, 2016 at 9:24 am
Love the leather vest thing!
“Someone’s going home alone tonight!”
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September 22, 2016 at 10:06 am
That’s fantastic.
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September 22, 2016 at 2:02 pm
What outstanding finds. What a pity that those that are outstanding in the positive way are so very expensive. I actually own a plush facehugger (my kids buy me random Mother’s Day presents) so I rather liked the crocheted one – though I agree it is not practical as a costume.
Hmmmm….Caption contest…. “For the fifth year in a row, Liberace won the village scarecrow competition”. I had to go with either Liberace or a serial killer.
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September 22, 2016 at 2:56 pm
I definitely did not see Liberace coming!
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September 23, 2016 at 1:38 am
In the 90s, my girls craved stickers, note pads, and glittery pens designed by Lisa Frank. Yes, she appeals to 12-year-olds.
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September 23, 2016 at 6:33 am
How funny! I wonder if she dresses like that herself…
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