Somebody pass me the bug spray.
*Haunted by bad taste, primarily
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
This week, I took a look at Halloween decorations on Etsy. I don’t decorate for Halloween, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. There’s plenty of tasteful fare, mixed in with some adorable kid-friendly items, some really ingenious pieces, a few things I would call gorgeous, and an unfortunate amount of junk that’s positively inexcusable. (Sorry.) I really suffered for this one, but I was also largely pleasantly surprised.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts
While I’m not clairvoyant, I’ve occasionally walked into a bathroom and gotten a strong sense of the previous occupant.
I have to say this is the first time I’ve ever wanted a taxidermied bat in a shadowbox! By Horribell
Uncool, Etsy. Uncool.
Ugly sweaters, not just for Christmas anymore!
Purple? Check! Glittery? Check! Skulls? Check! Love it so much! By DyJoDesigns
And on the other end of the wreath spectrum is this “intestinal door wreath.” I have no words.
Here’s a tip. If you see this in someone’s house, RUN!
The heck with Halloween. I want this thing out all year! By 3Ddreaming
This is listed as “outsider art.” Outside in the dumpster, perhaps. (Beloved said, “Is that Howard Stern?”)
Nightlight/instant bed-wetter kit.
A tasteful Halloween-themed toilet seat? Only on Etsy. By CultureCommodes
I love babies, but I couldn’t eat a whole one!
This soap is the reason I always have antibacterial handwash in my bag. It’s also likely the root of my trust issues.
Absolutely gorgeous! By Phoebecapelle (who just might need her own post).
Although I can appreciate the artistry, this is ALL THE NOPE. By OldRaven
Kids, stop whining, or the TEDDY BEAR GETS IT!
“Make milkshakes,” they said. “Boys will come to your yard,” they said.
When I sent you to the store for ladyfingers, this is not what I meant. By TheAwesomeSweetTable
Reader caption time!
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My OBT 
October 27, 2016 at 6:24 am
Pinhead, Jr.
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October 27, 2016 at 7:43 am
Yes!
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October 27, 2016 at 6:32 am
Beloved probably got that Howard Stern vibe because of the orange pussy in the (political?) outsider art. The pairing is perfect.
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October 27, 2016 at 6:46 am
Keep it clean scorchedeyebrow! 😉
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October 27, 2016 at 7:45 am
Hahahaha!
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October 27, 2016 at 7:44 am
Pretty funny, isn’t it? And I love your conclusion. That’s going to make her laugh hard!
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October 27, 2016 at 6:46 am
Sid from next door to Andy, Buzz and Woody has an Etsy shop?
That glittery skull wreath rocks.
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October 27, 2016 at 7:45 am
I love that thing. I would totally buy it if we had a place to store it!
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October 27, 2016 at 7:20 am
Love the light switch!!! – Karen
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October 27, 2016 at 7:46 am
Isn’t that thing so cool? Beloved loved it, too. I’m really tempted.
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October 27, 2016 at 8:09 am
“We need to talk about Kevin.”
The light switch!
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October 27, 2016 at 10:14 am
That’s fantastic!
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October 27, 2016 at 11:46 am
In other news, Mattel’s new Barbedy Doll has surprised the company with it’s lackluster sales.
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October 27, 2016 at 11:48 am
Love it!
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October 27, 2016 at 1:11 pm
Direct line to Elvis I see.
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October 27, 2016 at 1:18 pm
So funny.
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October 27, 2016 at 2:40 pm
I love horror movies and gore (so long as it doesn’t involve eyeballs) but what in the bloody hell would someone be thinking if they lobbed an intestine wreath on their door or a mutilated face in a frame? That’s certainly taking Halloween too far I think. I love the purpose sparkly skull wreath though and also that mad science lab switch. Those are both great fun.
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October 27, 2016 at 4:35 pm
I love horror and gore (within reason), too. I don’t love eyeballs, but I draw the line at intestines. On the other hand, nobody would be ringing my bell asking for donations, so maybe it’s got a purpose after all.
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October 27, 2016 at 6:41 pm
Halloween is the holiday I dread, not being a fan of things scary. But, in other news, have you seen that there’s now glitter paint? You could do a whole room . . . or at least a wall!
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October 27, 2016 at 6:42 pm
Beloved would kill me, but I did have a dream that I went through the house and painted the underside of everything with glitter paint. How could she object, right?
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October 28, 2016 at 5:50 pm
I’m sure it would grow on her!
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October 28, 2016 at 2:14 pm
Nailed it!
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October 28, 2016 at 2:16 pm
Thank you! It really is one of my faves.
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October 28, 2016 at 2:19 pm
And that’s my caption too for prison Chucky.
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October 28, 2016 at 2:27 pm
Oh, you’re good!
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October 28, 2016 at 5:51 pm
Kim wins!
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October 29, 2016 at 11:28 am
Yep!
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October 31, 2016 at 5:22 am
Perhaps not up to the standards? of the All Hallows Eve paraphernalia of Etsy, my own little haunted house makes me happy and the only real monster is the smell of 20 indoor cats during a rain storm….that and the fact there is a lot of mold in a house so old. ~~dru~~ Step into my parlor…….. https://saywhatumean2say.com/2016/10/29/come-into-my-parlor/
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October 31, 2016 at 7:31 am
Mold and 20 indoor cats! I think your haunted house wins!
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