My OBT

What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ 126: Be Mine?!?

8 Comments

She may be thinking of you, but those are not fond thoughts.

Jack White may be thinking of you, but those don’t look to me like happy thoughts.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.

Although I am blessed with my wonderful Beloved, I am still mostly annoyed by Valentine’s Day. It’s not that I don’t appreciate romance, and I also think there’s something to be said about loving the one you’re with. It’s just that the holiday always feels fake and forced and desperate and creepy and weird and unsexy. Therefore, I am thoroughly entertained by terrible V-Day gifts. (I am actually legitimately sorry about that last one, but I couldn’t unsee it, and it’s no fun to suffer alone.)

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!

What a lovely idea! I love mounted butterflies, and this pair is the perfect Valentine's Day gift without going too far into cutesy. By BugUnderGlass

What a lovely idea! I have always been fascinated with mounted butterflies (they don’t live that long anyway), and this pair is the perfect Valentine’s Day gift without going too far into cutesy. By BugUnderGlass

If you have to put your name on it, it’s probably not going to work out. Just sayin’.

Love clogs, for the anti-fashionista in your life.

Love clogs, for the anti-fashionista in your life.

No idea what to get your date for Valentine's day? How about a 4-foot pair of lips?

No idea what to get your date for Valentine’s day? How about a 4-foot pair of lips with a 6-inch mole?

Anyone else suddenly hungry for a pork roast? Anyone?

Anyone else suddenly reminded of pork tenderloin? Anyone?

If your gift budget is $2,275 (mine is not), you won’t do better than this diamond & sapphire ring by RavenFineJewelers.

That's not the shape of my heart.

That’s not the shape of my heart.

Look! It's the outhouse of love!

Look! It’s the outhouse of love!

What's worse than one stuffed Valentine mouse? Well, two, obviously.

What’s worse than one stuffed Valentine mouse? Well, two, obviously. Try and keep up, won’t you?

Outrageous to be sure, but undeniably fabulous! By BoringSidney

Outrageous to be sure, but still pretty fab! By BoringSidney

This magical spray is meant to attract Mr. Right Now. You can get the same effect from a short skirt and a little bourbon behind your ears.

This magical spray is meant to attract Mr. Right Now. You can get the same effect from a short skirt and a little bourbon behind your ears.

Those are naked mole rats in love. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Those are naked mole rats in love. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Now, THAT's a V-Day gift I can get behind! By WhiteFauxTaxidermy

Now, THAT’s a V-Day gift I can get behind! By WhiteFauxTaxidermy

I'm not getting Cupid. I'm getting adult baby fetish. Blerg.

Need a wingman (see what I did there?) on your big Valentine’s date? I hear Kenneth is available!

Here's a tip. If you want to have sex, don't give socks.

Here’s a tip. Want to have S-E-X?, don’t give S-O-X.

Charming.

A silk robe is always, and I do mean ALWAYS, the perfect gift. By FiorStudio.

A silk robe is always, and I do mean ALWAYS, the perfect gift. By FiorStudio.

I want to make fun of these beef jerky roses, but I kind of love them. By (who else?) SayItWithBeef

I want to make jokes about these beef jerky roses, but I kind of love them, even though their price ($999!) and staging (meat cleaver?) are sending mixed messages, romantically speaking. By SayItWithBeef.

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

8 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ 126: Be Mine?!?

  1. Okay, so, I **need** the Jack White box. I MUST have it. Any chance you still have the link? I’m begging. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hate to say it but I’m going to search for the naked mole rat art. My 9 year old son is obsessed with naked mole rats and – while the valentines one might not be apt – I’d love to check out the store.

    My husband and I aren’t the gooey romantic types so we don’t exchange gifts or cards. In quarter of a century, we’ve attempted to mark Valentine’s Day twice and both times it went pear shaped. It seems I am spared so much ghastliness by not having to search for a gift.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Laffing @ “that is not the shape of my heart”

    Liked by 1 person

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