
There were a lot of political statements made at this year’s Oscars. Maybe this lady is protesting the Great Pacific Garbage Patch I wrote about last week.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
The Oscar gowns this week really inspired me, so I thought I’d post some of my faves, then show you the Etsy “red carpet” equivalents. We saw some really cool trends this year I would love to explore. But if you, like me, don’t have tens (or even hundreds) of thousands of dollars for Christian Dior Couture or Elie Saab or Marchesa, you’ve got to work a little harder to find your fashion. Etsy to the rescue! (Sort of.) There are some truly stunning, red-carpet-worthy gowns out there, and some of these designers deserve to share the spotlight with the better-known designers. But then again, a few Etsy makers have a somewhat inflated sense of the glamour and taste level of their own wares.
Slight change in format this week. I’m going to put up a few actual Oscar outfits, then show you Etsy alternatives, some good, some not-so-good.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!

Red was THE color of the year, and not just any red, either! Viola Davis certainly wore it best.

The glorious, red-carpet-worthy off-shoulder gown on the left can be had from FROCKLosAngeles for a mere $285. The crime scene on the left, on the other hand, costs $3,400 and will shoot you to the top of the worst-dressed list.

Beading was another very common theme that I really enjoyed. It pretty much looked good on everyone, though I prefer Nicole Kidman in something with more color.

As always, when the eighties do battle with another era, they lose every time. At a little over a thousand dollars, this original 1930s beaded silk gown on the left sold by WhyNaughtShop is a strong contender for best costume! The nicest thing I can say about the situation on the right is that wearing it is probably good exercise. Looks like it weighs a ton!

The goddess look also dominated the runway. Charlize Theron, in particular, looked like she’d be right at home on Mount Olympus!

This vintage Bergdorf Goodman on the left sold by TheFrockDotCom may set you back a couple of thousand dollars, but it’s worth it! I love the dress in the center sold by SownThreadsClothing even if it is clearly goofy eighties fashion. And while the one on the right is neither great nor completely tragic, metallic Cadbury purple isn’t going to get you the kind of press attention you want.

Lace was very popular, though I don’t really think it was particularly well done this year.

I think the beauty on the left by LAmei is actually better than the lace dresses we saw on the red carpet. But the poor unfortunate on the right would look more at home at a witch burning.

Of all the trends, I think the classic retro vibe was my favorite. Meryl killed it with her Lucille Ball overskirt/cigarette pants style!

The stunning deco-style gown on the left is by TonyHamawy. The poor thing on the right just looks like a depressed bunny.

I noticed a lot of heavily-embellished sheer gowns among the presenters, too! Georgina Chapman’s is particularly fantastic on her. Janelle Monae’s pannier-style gown seemed fussy and silly at first, but it grew on me.

I’m not 100% sure you wouldn’t get criticized by the fashion press with the gown on the left by FROCKLosAngeles, but on the right (perfect) body, it could be a winner! The gown in the middle is from our friends at CouturePoetry, and I’m obsessed as always! And that boxy thing on the right is listed as “runway ready.” Do you think this is what they mean by runway?

Heavy metallics are back in a big way, and both Jessica Biehl and Halle Berry rocked them! However, Chanel or not, I really didn’t care for Sofia Boutella’s silver-and-fluff dress.

This gold-and-silver sequin gown on the left by AmyMairCouture would certainly look at home at an awards show. While the dress in the center by RenzRags may be a teensy bit bridesmaidy, I think thanks to the clever little cap sleeves and boned top, you might get away with it. But you should be careful crossing the street in the dress on the right. You’re likely to blind oncoming drivers. Come to think of it, they might be grateful for that.

Another of my favorite trends were the full skirts. As wonderful as all three are, it’s Cynthia Erivo I’d like to mug for her frock. Look at that embroidery!

The embroidered vision on the left is by CamelliaLover and costs about $260. The sea creature on the right goes for $900, but to be fair, the materials probably cost a fortune.

And I was thrilled to see the return of velvet, even on the men. Taraji P. Henson looks like she was born to wear that dress!

This vintage velvet Emanuel Ungaro on the left sold by TheFrockDotCom would make a big splash on the red carpet. So, I think, would the solid-and-sheer number in the middle by Tonena. The poor thing on the right is described as “upcycled romantic.” That kind of paints a picture about the maker’s romantic life, doesn’t it?

March 2, 2017 at 8:14 am
There are some really beautiful gowns in the group. With that said, I am happy that I didn’t have to pay for any of them. Kidman looks as beautiful as she did ten years ago. One of my all time favorites.
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March 2, 2017 at 9:07 am
I love her, too. I just feel like they don’t dress her to her strengths.
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March 2, 2017 at 10:31 am
Ahhhhhh…..red carpet gowns. Glorious. And having the lovely pics first really softened the Etsy offerings. (Well many of them, some are absolutely gorgeous.) Oh, and can I borrow $3,700?
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March 2, 2017 at 10:40 am
Erm… Awkward. I was going to ask to borrow from you.
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March 2, 2017 at 1:01 pm
What a fun romp! ~~dru~~
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March 2, 2017 at 2:13 pm
I’m glad you enjoyed it. I did, too!
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March 2, 2017 at 2:28 pm
You’ve gone to a lot of effort this week to scour Etsy curating items that match red carpet trends. Gold star to you. You found lots of stunning dresses. Turns out that Etsy is good value for dresses worthy of award shows. Sadly I have neither the figure or lifestyle to warrant wearing such dresses.
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March 2, 2017 at 2:32 pm
Thank you! I really did work pretty hard on this week’s post, but it was entirely a labour of love. I have nowhere to wear them (or store them), either, but that doesn’t stop me from drooling!
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