Etsom·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
The thing above appeared in my Facebook feed last week, and it dragged me down the Etsy gift guide rabbit hole. Mind you, I’ve been down this particular rabbit hole so many times, I get my mail there, but this year… Never mind. I’d rather show you than tell you.
Feel free to share your least successful gifts – both given and received – in the comments below!
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
Look, it may be great stuff, but as a gift, it stinks.I know she’s a mess, but someone should really tell her there’s toilet paper stuck to her foot.I get hipster glasses, I get cat, I get scratcher. What I don’t get is what they have to do with each other.While not actually included in the gift guide, this did turn up in the “You might like…” section at the bottom of some Santa thing. What the hell do they think of me, anyway?These are just adorable, and adorably priced, too! By TheLFPProjectI imagine that’s their excuse when it doesn’t arrive in time.Big mustard play leaf. Because that’s definitely a thing.Everybody likes a candle, right?What a great looking slingshot! By HandcraftedBuffaloI love this idea, but calling it a ‘rainbow bridge’ was definitely a marketing blunder.You can have these socks printed with “your face or theirs.” But why would you?Good news! Garbage Picker Santa with his fancy high-heeled booties is on sale!Bourbon lip balm. What a fantastic stocking stuffer! By LittleFlowerSoapCoNo, thank you. I’m perfectly capable of keeping my butt dry without your assistance.I know that Baby Yoda is all the rage, but unless it was drawn by your kid, this does not seem like a great gift to me.Oh, really? THIS is my Christmas present? Thanks a lot, Karen.
Mostly not my taste. The Rainbow Bridge must be made by a very young person without knowledge of that bridge…..
The scratcher can be used by the cat yes, but I wouldn’t like to be the one to clean up after that. It wont stay nice for many days.
It may be the relief of the stressful part of the holidays being over but “Butt Be Dry”dissolved me into fits of hysterical giggling. I seriously had to gather myself before I could finish reading. Booze flavoured lip balm is something that I did not know has been missing from my life for many decades but I do worry I might just nibble it off of my lips.
Worst gift this year was a rape alarm gifted to me by my in-laws. I am trying to figure out the thought behind it. The packaging states it is ideal for joggers or single women so perhaps there is a dig at my lacklustre exercise regimen or a suggestion that I should change my marital status. My oldest son thinks it might be to counter my feminist rants. I mean, I guess it means they want me to be safe so I will choose to focus on the positives.
Best gift this year was a Baby Yoda that my 14 year old made for me out of clay and some scraps of fabric.
A previous Christmas, they gifted our close friend a breathalyzer and – when he appeared perplexed – they explained that they had a hard time deciding whether he or I needed it more.
My OBT 
December 26, 2019 at 8:11 am
Mostly not my taste. The Rainbow Bridge must be made by a very young person without knowledge of that bridge…..
The scratcher can be used by the cat yes, but I wouldn’t like to be the one to clean up after that. It wont stay nice for many days.
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 26, 2019 at 9:08 am
That’s true!
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 26, 2019 at 4:13 pm
It may be the relief of the stressful part of the holidays being over but “Butt Be Dry”dissolved me into fits of hysterical giggling. I seriously had to gather myself before I could finish reading. Booze flavoured lip balm is something that I did not know has been missing from my life for many decades but I do worry I might just nibble it off of my lips.
Worst gift this year was a rape alarm gifted to me by my in-laws. I am trying to figure out the thought behind it. The packaging states it is ideal for joggers or single women so perhaps there is a dig at my lacklustre exercise regimen or a suggestion that I should change my marital status. My oldest son thinks it might be to counter my feminist rants. I mean, I guess it means they want me to be safe so I will choose to focus on the positives.
Best gift this year was a Baby Yoda that my 14 year old made for me out of clay and some scraps of fabric.
LikeLiked by 2 people
December 26, 2019 at 4:17 pm
Love the baby yoda. What a great idea. The rape whistle, however, had ME in paroxysms of laughter. What an epic in-law holiday gift.
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 26, 2019 at 4:23 pm
A previous Christmas, they gifted our close friend a breathalyzer and – when he appeared perplexed – they explained that they had a hard time deciding whether he or I needed it more.
LikeLiked by 2 people
December 26, 2019 at 9:02 pm
That made me laugh hard.
LikeLiked by 2 people
December 27, 2019 at 2:44 pm
OMG. The melting baby candles. I’m going to have nightmares.
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 27, 2019 at 4:25 pm
Terrible, aren’t they? (she asked gleefully)
LikeLike
Pingback: Friday Favorites-My OBT – Penny Wilson Writes
January 12, 2020 at 6:59 pm
I wanna play with that sling shot!
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 13, 2020 at 12:11 am
Me too, and I want to bring it to work!
LikeLike