Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
4/9/15: When I was researching my Etsomnia art post in November 2014, I came across a fair number of nutty and bewildering photos. Those photos stayed in my head, and I think it’s time to share them. (Lucky you!) As with the art post, I’m going to include one example from each of Etsy’s categories. The categories are: Animals, Black & White, Color, Fashion, Figure, Food, Landscape & Architecture, Monochromatic, Nature, Portrait, Still Life, Vintage, and the intriguingly-titled More.
DISCLAIMER: Though I do enjoy a good joke, and Etsomnia is one of my favorite things, my intention is never to discourage artists of any kind. All wisecracks and criticism are meant for humorous effect only. Please take them as seriously as they are meant, which is not at all.
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. And don’t forget to click the other links for visual aids. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.
Category: Animals. Fancy pants sloth is freaking me out. What do you think this seller’s nightmares look like?
Category: Disgusting Figural. Open mouth . . . Maybe this video will make it better. Nope, still gross.
Category: Food. Now here’s something I am willing to put in my mouth!
Category: Black & White. Mom always said if I have nothing nice to say, I should say nothing at all. Therefore, I will not comment on what I suspect inspired this photo.
Category: Color. That’s one way to put a bunny on a fence. The photographer must have really hated that bunny.
Category: Still Life. I always love artful decrepitude (see my header image for a prime example), and this is really exceptional!
Category: Fashion. Honey, you’ve got a little something on your face. If this is a new trend, I’m moving to the International Space Station until it’s over. Actually, the fashion category had a number of weird photos, but I’m going to save those for another day.
Category: Landscape & Architecture. Why would anyone pay $15 plus shipping for an out-of-focus photo of New York? Judging by the hordes of tourists skillfully wielding cameras, I would think half the world has their own blurry NYC pics already.
Category: Monochromatic. Who wants to hang a picture of this chick’s dirty feet on their wall? And does her mother know she’s standing on the sink? Young lady, get down from there this instant!
Category: Nature (!?). This seems highly unsanitary. Mostly for the cat.
Category: Portrait. I love this picture, but it took me a while to realize who it was reminding me of.
Category: Vintage. It kind of freaks me out to think that someday, someone may be pawing through old, crappy, out-of-focus photos featuring my finger and selling them on Etsy.
Category: More. At least now we know what “More” means.
I couldn’t sign off without including one more item from the More category. The title is “IDK About This Hot Dog #30.” Thats right. Theres a whole series of them, though this hot dog with a pearl earring is far and away my favorite.
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September 2, 2021 at 8:21 am
Strange. Hope I can forget some of them fast. Hal
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September 6, 2021 at 8:37 am
Lol.
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September 2, 2021 at 8:58 am
No words….which is probably a good thing.
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September 6, 2021 at 8:37 am
100% accurate!
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September 2, 2021 at 7:51 pm
The portrait reminded me of a certain recently-ex-president whose name I will not speak (or write).
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September 6, 2021 at 8:37 am
Hmmm.
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