When scientists examined members of the obscure Scoliosis Tribe of Austin, TX, to learn why they are unable to lift their heads, they discovered the subjects’ skulls to be full of incense, rocks, and hair. This also explains the tribe’s poor fashion choices.
Etsom·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. The surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.) 3. An excuse for me to be an obnoxious, snarky New Yorker once per week.
6/20/19: Over the last few years, Etsy has come under fire for not cracking down on makers of culturally-appropriated or insensitive items. In particular, ‘tribal’ is one of those triggering keywords that turns up items that shouldn’t exist. Mimicking or parodying another culture, however innocently intended, is never okay. While the widely-applied term can be used to describe astoundingly-beautiful items, it is also applied to an unfortunate number of tragic ones.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!
Pocket Shaman?!?“Tribal neckerchief.” Dogs are normally pretty un-self-conscious when their people dress them up in stupid stuff. Unfortunately, this poor guy seems to have figured it out.This tattoo sleeve looks pretty convincing… until it catches on something and you get a run.Stunning beaded necklace from Senegal. By AfricanBeadsCraftI think the seller’s phrase “Imitation Indian” pretty well sums this one up. That would also make a terrible band name.“Traditional Handmade Wool Chuj” from the Lazy Maker Tribe of Berkeley, CA. Dear White People: It’s not cute or funny. Cut it out.“Earrings inspired in the Mursi tribe style.” Yes! That’s the way to do it! By HavanaFlamingo“Tribal” candlestick, presumably from the Confusing Phallic Symbol Tribe of Boca Raton.“Indian” headdress in “Rasta” colors. It looks really well made, which I find even more depressing than the thrown-together ones. This maker should know better.Yikes! Somebody get this guy a belt before we learn the hard way what tribe he’s from!All the nope.Really incredible hand-embroidered Mexican Tenago blouse. By ModaMexicanabyDannaFrom the near-extinct Eighties Hair Band Tribe whose last remaining members can be found wandering around the Staten Island Mall.Not okay, Becky.