My OBT

What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ Volume XV: Hat-Shit Crazy

14 Comments

For all of you ecologically-conscious pimps out there, here’s a green faux fur creation. (To be fair, most of this maker’s hats are lovely. Just not this one.)

et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered in one’s sleep.

“A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.”  – P.J. O’Rourke

While casting about for my Etsomnia™ post about neckwear, I encountered so many bizarre hats, I just had to share the wealth. I love a good hat. I look like a complete tool in most of them, but I nonetheless continue to yearn for them and believe (all evidence to the contrary) that out there somewhere is just the chapeau for me. I can tell you I’m pretty sure it’s not among the offerings below.

As usual, the seller’s name below the picture links to the item for sale. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts!

An important part of knitting is knowing when to stop knitting. Seller KseniyaGlushakova should stop now.

An important part of knitting is knowing when to stop knitting. This seller should stop now.

On the flipside, this "Peppermint fascinator" by Jewelables, while small, still manages to be too much.

I don’t know why she’s looking so judgy. This “Peppermint fascinator,” while smaller than the cartoon-dimensioned wad of wool to the left, still manages to be way, way too much. And if that’s real peppermint, it would also attract ants.

This darling little cocktail hat from HelloStrumpet restores my faith in headgear. Gorgeous!

This darling little cocktail hat from HelloStrumpet restores my faith in headgear. Gorgeous!

If PrancingPeacockHats really wanted to make this bird and nest hat realistic, she should have included some rubber bird droppings down the back.

If the designer really wanted to make this bird and nest hat realistic, she should have included some rubber bird droppings down the back. Also, she’s kind of reminding me of Kristen Schaal, bird and all.

This vintage fruit hat is billed as being in perfect condition. Know why? NO ONE WOULD WEAR IT. Sold by JackpotJen.

This vintage fruit hat is billed as being in perfect condition. Know why? NO ONE WOULD WEAR IT. 

As goofy as the vintage fruit hat was, this modernized version is really not much of an improvement. I do love how they styled her, though.

As goofy as that vintage fruit hat is, this modernized version is really not much of an improvement. I do love how they styled her, though. Look at those perfect eyebrows! 

You know the key to keeping people from bothering you on the subway? Act crazier than them. This hat would get you 95% of the way. A twitch or two and no one would talk to you. Ever again. By Filcant, who I believe I may have made fun of before.

You know the secret to keeping people away from you on the subway? Act crazier than them. This hat would get you 95% of the way. A twitch or two and no one would talk to you. Ever again. 

What makes this adult-sized fish hat (not words that should go together, by the way) hilarious to me is not just how dopey it is. It's also the complete joylessness of the woman wearing it, who, I suspect is either the maker or owes the maker money. By AdLibitumCrochet

What makes this adult-sized fish hat hilarious to me is not just how dopey it is. It’s also the complete humorlessness of the woman wearing it, who is either the designer or owes the designer money. 

And while we're exploring hats of the animal kingdom, get a load of this tool. I see this nonsense all over New York, and it makes me want to punch the wearers in the throat. By SweetSugarSpiced

And while we’re exploring hats of the animal kingdom, get a load of this tool. I see this nonsense all over New York, and it makes me want to punch the wearers in the throat.

Presumably, the inspiration for this thing was something smelly viewed through a microscope. By Tomokotahara

Presumably, the inspiration for this thing was something smelly viewed through a microscope. I especially love the little yellow lace bow, because that makes it all better, doesn’t it? 

I looked at this one for a long time, and I'm pretty sure those are real hairballs. By cat lover HomeOnTheRangeToo

I looked at this one for a long time, and I’m pretty sure those are real hairballs. I’m assuming the seller has a lot of cats.

$1,315.57. Not meant ironically. Seriously. NatalieEllnerHats are thinking of this as high fashion. AND this wasn't really the craziest thing in the store.

$1,315.57, AND it’s not meant ironically. The maker seems to think of this as high fashion. and this wasn’t really the craziest thing in the store.

I'm not going to say what this reminds me of. I'm just going to say it's a good thing it's not brown. By MajorLaura

I’m not going to tell you what this looks to me like a pile of.  I’m just going to say it’s a good thing it’s not brown. 

This one was so beautiful I wanted you to see it from all sides. Thoroughly impractical? Yep. Do I care? Nope. By Subverse

This one was so beautiful I wanted you to see it from all sides. The materials listed are “leather, blood, sweat, tears.” I believe it. Thoroughly impractical? Yep. Do I care? Nope. By Subverse

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

14 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ Volume XV: Hat-Shit Crazy

  1. And – BONUS! –> You could probably use that studded, pink, tie-back thing as a headband! That is just gorgeous but I’m not nearly eccentric (or quite possibly RICH) enough to pull that off. Wow… milliners are a strange lot. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I almost sent this — http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2014/10/07/how-the-bird-hat-craze-almost-killed-the-dinosaurs/ — to you the other day but somehow it and the resulting rabbit trail didn’t seem to OBT. But your take on it would be, I’m sure.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. WOW. That fish hat? Some of these others… oh boy. Are people buying these? Are the shops getting good reviews? Fugly!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Awesome title for your post, absolutely awesome… and the hats were good too.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The badger is the one that boggles my mind the most. I am in general a hat lover and can create some justification for most hats. But who wants a badger on her head? Who wants to hold a conversation with someone wearing a badger on her head? It’s like something out of a painfully surreal dream.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I was actually just helping a friend at his storage locker yesterday and there were a ton of vintage hats that had belonged to his mother. Both fruit and feathers (that were shedding like crazy) were featured prominently. But I did score a sweet black velvet number and a beaded hat pin large enough to commit murder with.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Uh… Wow. You outdid yourself here. Crazy doesn’t get us half way there. I am buying that badger and giving it to someone with no sense of irony for Christmas. Just because.

    Like

  8. Pingback: Etsomnia™ Volume XXXIX: Derby Day | My OBT

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