Unless you’re married to a cop, I don’t recommend wearing these on a date. (I bought three pairs.) By Komawo
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
I decided that Etsy critique didn’t feel right on Christmas day, so Etsomnia day is coming a little early this week!
Since it’s tights and boots weather, this week’s Etsomnia is all about winter leg and footwear, the good, the bad, and the (really) ugly.
For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.
I’m not going to lie. Ever since I saw Flashdance in 1983, I’ve loved leg warmers. I don’t wear them, but I love the idea of them. Until now. The poor seller is trying really hard to get legwarmers as summer wear to catch on (and failing)
Are you looking at ME? Rockwell would have hated them.
“Upcycled” is one of those Etsy buzzwords that never fails to deliver complete lipstick on a pig.
“Designed For You A Pleasantly Ugg.” Ugh is more like it.
“Leggings” is another search term fraught with peril, but it also pulls up beauties like these super-cute fringed thingies.
By the same seller who makes the gray full-diaper thing on the left.
No, these are not on backward, and yes, they are her size. How terrified do you need to be of camel toe to make this legwear choice?
You have to be very careful crossing your legs in these babies, or you’ll end up looking like this.
These wonderful ombre tights are much more my speed (and less likely to cause blood loss than the rhinestone hose). By Virivee
What a relief! I was worried what I was going to wear to New York’s first Cat Cafe!
These horrifying creations are called “Gorgeous Designer Lace Up Corset Style Crystal Embelished Knee-High Fuax Snake Skin/Fur Washed Denim High Heel Boots” That does pretty well sum it up, minus the first two words.
Whew! That’s better! By Hurstvonberg from Beaverton, OR!
Ugly Christmas sweaters too subtle for you? Well why not pair them with these leggings? This seller has gone so hard with the hipster irony, not even she knows if she’s joking
These $538* made-to-order bison boots are so ugly, they should come with blindfolds to prevent corneal damage in anyone you’re going to be around for more than a minute. *By the way, $538 is only the base price for the 3-button variety. Does that mean these foot offenses cost triple that amount?
As bad as these are, they’re still not as bad as those bison things.
I’m not sure the message these are sending is romantic, exactly, but heart-shaped knee pads would certainly get you asked out A LOT
These are a cute idea, but they could lead to some really awkward situations with lost tourists on the subway. By colinedesign
Kids, these are called Moon Boots, and people used to pay a small fortune for them! Aren’t they awful? Sold by HarlowGirls
Outside of Japan where crazy fashion is alive and well, these light-up disasters have never been in fashion, and presumably never will be.
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December 23, 2014 at 10:01 am
This is a fantastic mix of horrid and fabulous! Now if you’ll excuse me I must go order the police tape leggings…cop hubby may enjoy! 🙂
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December 23, 2014 at 10:42 am
Exactly!
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December 23, 2014 at 9:31 pm
I am going to have nightmares about those “Gorgeous Designer” boots. Thank you. Holy mother of god, what was that “designer” thinking?
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December 23, 2014 at 10:40 pm
Here’s what I’m imagining was going through her head, step by step:
?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$……..
The end.
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December 24, 2014 at 10:38 am
i want the fringe pants. but i know only someone tall can pull them off. i think i would look like a Shetland pony.
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December 24, 2014 at 10:57 am
Give it a shot! Who doesn’t like a pony?
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