A mere $6,279.04 will put this “upcycled” entry mirror near your door. I’m guessing it’s intended to scare away visitors.
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
Happy New Year! It’s time for the first Etsomnia of 2015!
I hope everyone is recovering nicely from whatever New Year’s Eve shenanigans they got up to. Here’s a little something to help you on the road to recovery.
No matter what I am searching for, the word “upcycled” always turns up, and it nearly always translates to something kooky. So since it’s a new year and everything old is new again, it’s upcycled week here at Etsomnia!
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.
Now, that’s what I call upcycled! New York City clock by GeoArtCrafts who have many other fascinating record clocks, too!
Nothing to wear to your clown college reunion? Have no fear. Etsy has got you covered.
Steps to financial success:
1. Go garbage picking.
2. Locate discarded footwear and objects to cover them in (belts, feathers, old hairpieces, animal droppings, etc.).
3. Wrap “found objects” around boots (Tip: Don’t forget to wear gloves! You don’t know where those found objects have been!)
4. Charge $225 per pair
5. You’re rich!
$760 upcycled “wedding” dress which looks like it smells of old ladies and sadness. Perfect if you’re marrying a homeless person.
Sweater coats are a huge thing among the upcycled community. As far as I can tell, you tear off bits of other people’s ugly clothes and run away, then sew them all together into an even less attractive garment.
Beautiful bracelets made from champagne bottles! I want everything in ReVetro‘s store, but I’m way too klutzy and am guaranteed to end up accidentally slashing my wrists and having some ‘splaining to do
“50,000,000 fans can’t be wrong” painted Elvis chair by FendosArt who might have been thinking of Rock Hudson instead of Elvis. (His Beatles chairs are awesome and I want them.)
While I’m fairly certain this is a fire hazard, I have to give the seller points for creative problem solving.
These wine cork earrings are “made to order.” Usually, they take a couple of days, but since it’s the holidays, this seller can have them ready to ship out in a couple of hours. (Hic!)
Not only is this dress good for the environment, it’s also got a handy little diagram of your reproductive system! Do you think the seller wonders what everyone is laughing and pointing at?
Who wouldn’t love to carry around a purse made of doilies and strangers’ used unmentionables?
And speaking of previously-owned underwear, here’s the “Junk in Your Trunk Purse.”. The less I say about these, the better.
“The Mancave Essential.” Oh, alright, but it comes upstairs over my dead body!
It used to be a birdcage. What it is now is anyone’s guess. B
Wow! We saw a few beautiful chalk-painted antique pieces like this in Massachusetts over the summer, and they still haunt me! By FilthyRichDesigns
Per the description, this piece of upcycled art is “Sure to get some looks!” This seller is overdue for a hot glue gun intervention
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My OBT 
January 1, 2015 at 11:00 am
But for the fire hazard and the painted chest (which I can’t help but kind of like), this is quite the melange of atrocrities. Way to go!
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January 1, 2015 at 11:38 am
Thank yuu! In case it wasn’t clear, I am in love with the chest!
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January 1, 2015 at 5:03 pm
I think I’ve become addicted to these more for your spot-on verbalizations of what my shocked mind is thinking when I see some of these things. You rock. 🙂
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January 1, 2015 at 5:41 pm
Aw, shucks. . . Thank you!
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January 2, 2015 at 4:26 pm
The bracelets are beautiful, the chest is lovely, the clock is cool. The rest, I’m glad you go looking so I don’t have to. As for the clown college reunion, not if you paid me would I attend.
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January 2, 2015 at 4:36 pm
I am very happily imagining you in that sweater.
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