Etsomnia™ Volume XXIX: What Time Is It?

February 12, 2015 by Donna from MyOBT 17 Comments

Those cherubs are looking suspiciously booby. Vintage porcelain eyesore sold by LoveAndLegacies

Those cherubs are looking suspiciously buxom, and their gold lamé boy shorts are reminding me of Peter Hinwood’s Rocky Horror costume. That’s too much irony, even for me.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

This week’s Etsomnia post is about timepieces: clocks, watches, sundials (not really). I love watches and clocks. I own more unusual watches than I’m willing to admit, and we have an arrangement of some of my favorite vintage (and vintage-looking) clocks atop a cabinet in the living room. (Can you guess which one is right? Me neither! But look! Clocks!) I even purchased one of those from Etsy, though I don’t recall which one.

Of course, those crazy Etsy sellers have to put their own spin on things, so brace yourself. It’s going to be a bumpy post!

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

For example, here's a busy, busy, busy clock face available for download from MaBellePapeterie. Yuck.

Busy, busy, busy faux-Victorian clock face available for download. Even the horse looks disappointed.

On the other hand, I find this "Deco Candy Bubbles" clock by DecoBoxRo to be thoroughly adorable

Refreshingly appealing super chic “Deco Candy Bubbles” clock by DecoBoxRo

No. Just no. Vintage Woodland Clock sold by MeshuMaSH

No. Just no. More depressed horses.

This one really confuses me. It looks like a kitchen clock, but instead of numbers, it has sexual positions from the Karma Sutra. So where exactly do you hang this thing? By Clocks Galore

This one really confuses me. It looks like a kitchen clock, but instead of numbers, it has sexual positions from the Karma Sutra. Can you imagine popping by for coffee and being faced with this thing?

This is described as a workout watch. I assume the rest of that workout ensemble would look like this.*
*Next time you’re having a bad day, do a Google image search for “eighties aerobics.” I promise your mood will improve.

Interesting idea, crap execution. War of the Worlds Cassette Clock by WhenTheMusicsOver

Interesting idea, total crap execution. War of the Worlds Cassette Clock.

I could definitely make room on my clock shelf for this beauty! Sold by PinstripeVintage

I could definitely make room in my clock collection for this Art Deco beauty! Sold by PinstripeVintage

Weird clock with miniature elephants and I don't know what else. By MarusyaKacharizkina

Shudder-inspiring clock featuring miniature elephants (who inexplicably live in a tree) and I don’t know what else.

What time is it? Time to pick cat hair off your clothes. And your furniture. And your food. By SalvadorKitti

I’m just guessing, but I suspect it’s time to change the litter box.

Hey, kids, what time is it? Time to throw this clock into a wood chipper, that’s what damned time it is.

I don’t know what to say about this clock except that waking up to this thing would not be good for my sanity. That is if I could get to sleep at all.

Demented, seizure-inducing”Tribal Tropical Forest” clock.

Look. A clock made out of an actual douche bag. The description includes this sentence, "Or give it to that one person you know." By IMOTime

After years of browsing Etsy for the worst items imaginable, I have been rewarded. The site has finally coughed up something made out of an actual douche bag. I am a little bummed, however, that there’s no hose. It would have made a neat pendulum. Don’t miss the description, “Or give it to that one person you know.”