Etsomnia™ Volume XXXIII: Put a Ring on It

March 12, 2015 by Donna from MyOBT 15 Comments

You know some asshole is going to use this to propose to his girl. THIS DOES NOT COUNT AS A TWO CARAT RING!!! By BlueberryHeadShop, who should be ashamed of themselves.

You know some bone-head is going to use this to propose to his girl. A proposal is no time to make a bad joke, and THIS DOES NOT COUNT AS A TWO CARAT RING!!!

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

DEAR PORN HUNTERS: Don’t let the “XXX” in the title fool you. Unless you are planning on proposing to some lucky* girl, you have come to the wrong place. Sorry for the confusion. Happy hunting!
*individual results may vary

-The Management

Since my Etsomnia Statement Necklace post was such a hit, I thought it was worth exploring engagement rings, promise rings, and all manner of finger adornments signifying relationships. The moral of this story is this: if you like it, I don’t recommend you put any of these rings on it.

IF YOU ARE ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR AN ENGAGEMENT RING (and don’t have deep pockets): Not everyone has a traditional engagement ring budget, and not every bride wants a traditional ring. However, if you exercise a little good taste and shop thoughtfully, you can find the perfect thing within your budget. For example, instead of diamonds, you could consider a less pricey gemstone or semi-precious stone. There are lots of options. I personally like colored stones, but if you’re looking for something more traditional looking, you could try morganite, white sapphire, CZ, or even created stones. They come in all styles from antique to clean and simple to to rustic to hyper modern. All of the above should be taken off when working in water or washing hands, by the way. If those suggestions aren’t speaking to you, you could go more symbolic like an infinity ring or a Claddagh ring. Just remember, a good gemstone is going to make a much better impression than an ugly diamond.

Okay, back to our regularly-scheduled snark!

Links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

"Pretty Bird Ring" which is listed as suitable for an engagement to a bird lover. Also, I'm pretty sure that's the Crypt Keeper modeling it. Yike on all fronts. By CathysCraftWorld

“Pretty Bird Ring” which is listed as suitable for an engagement to a bird lover. How’s it going to end? Like this.

Perhaps the ugliest emerald/diamond ring in the history of finger adornments. Thats quite an achievement when you think about it. By HandmadeVictorian

Perhaps the ugliest emerald/diamond ring in the history of fingers. That’s quite an achievement when you think about how long fingers have been around.

Would I wear an engagement ring with skulls on it? No, I would not. However, try as I might, I cannot help but be in love with the design of this ring. By AdamFosterJewelry, who might get his very own OBT post if the rest of his jewelry is anything like this one

Would I wear an engagement ring with skulls on it? No, I would not. But try as I might, I cannot help but be in love with the design of this ring. By AdamFosterJewelry, whose work is so sinister and beautiful, it might earn its very own OBT post

This is listed as "Geek Engagement Ring." By Siarh

This is listed as “Geek Engagement Ring.” I know geeks. We have much, much better taste than that.

Deer antler and rhinestone engagement ring. By Chymiera

And while were on the subject of engagement rings made of awkward things, what bride wouldn’t say “yes” to a suitor who presenter her with a deer antler and rhinestone engagement ring? Especially if he’s carrying his rifle when he proposes!

And while were on the subject of engagement rings made of dead things, heres a very tasteful crystal and rat tooth ring. Rat. Tooth. Ring. Theres an ROUS out there missing a tooth. By ScientificSpirits

Very tasteful crystal and rat tooth ring. Rat. Tooth. Ring. Somewhere out there is an ROUS out there with a slight lisp right now.

This hideous thing would leave a very distinctive mark when you punched people with it. Actual diamond ring by DiamondViolet (I initially read the store name as Diamond Violent, which I thought made much more sense.)

This behemoth would leave a very distinctive mark when you punched people with it. I’m assuming that’s what it’s for. Ugly diamond ring with teeth by DiamondViolet (I initially read the store name as Diamond Violent, which I thought made much more sense.)

This alexandrite/diamond ring set in black gold (is that actually a thing?) made me feel all tingly. Yum. By WinterFineJewelry

This alexandrite/diamond ring set in black gold (is that actually a thing?) made me go all tingly. By WinterFineJewelry

If this dainty little bunny ear ring is exactly what your intended wants, I'm pretty sure she needs parental consent to get married. By SFBF

If this dainty little bunny ear ring is exactly what your intended wants, I’m pretty sure she needs parental consent to get married. Of course, if your engagement ring budget is $4.99, your parents will probably have to get involved, too.

Of course, spending real money isn't any guarantee of good taste, either. $33K will get you this gewgaw that looks like you bought it at the Hallmark Store. By JenniferYiJewelry

Of course, spending big money isn’t any guarantee of good taste, either. $33K will get you this gewgaw that looks like you bought it at Claire’s Accessories.

And as further proof that spending money is no guarantee of quality, here is a rough diamond engagement ring that looks exactly like a clump of dirty snow. And I live in New York, which makes me something of a dirty snow expert. By EnzoLuccati, who I feel like I've mocked before

And as further proof that spending money is no indicator of quality, here is a rough diamond engagement ring that looks exactly like a clump of dirty snow. And I live in New York, which makes me something of a dirty snow expert.