Etsomnia™ Volume XXXIV: Dress For “Success”

March 26, 2015 by Donna from MyOBT 25 Comments

Plaid flannel “Power Business Suit.” Maybe if you worked here.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

Spring has sprung, temperatures are warming (sort of), the birds are singing, the ice has mostly disappeared, and tiny hints of green are making themselves known among the dead things. This all puts me in mind of . . . work clothes. It’s time to stow away the sweaters and heavy suits and coats, and look for a few key items to update my spring business wardrobe. Enter Etsy. You’d be surprised at the very respectable work wear I have managed to score there over the years, but, of course, being Etsy, there’s a fair share of WTF wear as well.

Below are some of Etsy’s wackier business suit and work apparel offerings (for women). In some cases, I’ve included the job for which I think they would be best suited, too. (See what I did there?)

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

I know the eighties are experiencing a revival, but unless you hail taxis and carry luggage for a living, this one is a business no no. By EmotionalOutletShop

I know the eighties are experiencing a revival, but unless you hail taxis and open doors for a living, this one is a business no no.

From the Mrs. Santa Spring collection.

If you are U.S.O. bound, this little number would be just the thing! By

If you are U.S.O. bound, this sassy little number would be just the thing!

“One Piece Jumpsuit Power Suit” Maybe if you are the Director of Admissions here.

FINALLY! The perfect power suit. I’m intimidated just looking at it. By LauraGalic, who makes the fiercest jackets and coats on all of Etsy

Let’s see. This “power suit” is too short, too tight, shows way too much cleavage, and it’s neon orange. Perfect if your dream job is receptionist at Hustler Magazine.

Just because it's Bill Blass doesn't mean it doesn't suck. Vintage or not, there was never a time when this would be considered a power suit. By VintageChinchilla

Just because it’s Bill Blass doesn’t mean it’s not complete crap. Vintage or not, there was never a time when this 4F sewing failure would be considered a power suit.

Sometimes, the softer side of Sears is too soft. By CoolClobber

Sometimes, the softer side of Sears is still pretty scratchy. I’m fairly certain this fabric is made of 100% petroleum products.

Whew! Thanks, Anne Klein. That’s better. By NaturalPondVintage

This might work if you’re trying to get into the music business. In Japan.

Maybe this could be considered a power suit if you work with the Sugarbakers.

And speaking of things the eighties coughed up . . . By TagHagVintage

Hey, look what the eighties coughed up! Yet another polyester “power suit.”

This actually would have been a power suit in the eighties. I like it, even if it does draw the eye to one’s crotch.

Yike. No wonder women had to fight so hard in the sixties to be respected in the workplace. They were dressed like ugly sofas. By TopangaHiddenT

In the sixties, women in the workplace were walked all over by their male colleagues. I assume whoever wore this was instead sat upon. Velvet suit presumably made of old sofa slipcovers.

Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Stunning exaggerated-lapel suit from the forties. By HouseOfCircumstance

I need a time machine so I can go back in time and punch the

Somebody please get me a time machine so I can go back in time and punch the “designer” of this right in the throat. By a seller whose store is full of mind-blowingly awful vintage crap

Confession time. I came across this in a different search and couldn't resist including it.

Confession time. This turned up in a different search, but it was so hilarious, I couldn’t resist including it. Listed as “Unisex” jacket. I’m not so sure about that. By CarnivalOfTheManiac