Etsomnia™ Volume 65: Cats, Now and Forever

November 12, 2015 by Donna from MyOBT 19 Comments

This elevates the ugly Christmas sweater to a new level. By Thecostumestop

This ugly Christmas sweater is so aggressively ironic, it’s no longer sure if it’s joking.

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

I have made lots of fun of the cat people over the years. Not because I don’t like cats. In fact, I love them. It’s just that so much of the cat merchandise is so hilariously tragic. But now, the feral cat we sometimes feed has had kittens. Not just regular, everyday cute kittens. No, these are the most unbearably adorable kittens ever. Fuckers. We are committed to resisting pets until after our house has been raised (which could be at least a year away), but these little bastards aren’t making it easy. I’ve started to go squee in my sleep. Light a candle for me.

So to keep my feline maternal instincts in check, here’s a parade of cat-related awfuls. Enjoy!

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Catpunzel. I kid you not. By IHeartNeedlework

To get any of the cats I’ve know into a getup like this, you would first have to slip them a rufie

Having this giant, judgy-looking cat headboard staring at me would definitely affect my performance in the bedroom. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

Sphynx cat head sculpture that will definitely not murder you in your sleep.

Oh, cut that out. This is serious business. I have no time for your cuteness. By NeighborKitty

Oh, cut that out. This is serious business. I have no time for your fluffy adorableness. Be gone. By NeighborKitty

I wanted to include the closeup of the purse, but the whole outfit was so hilarious, I couldn't make myself deprive you of it. By BarbaraPaigeKnits

I wanted to instead show you the closeup of this “party girl” purse, but it didn’t seem right to deprive you of the rest of the outfit

Arguably the funniest thing I found during this week's Etsomnia search. By MEOWconcept, who has a few doozies

Arguably the funniest thing I found during this week’s Etsomnia search. By MEOWconcept, who likes dogs, too

Okay, maybe the cat will like it, but do you really want to look at this thing every day? By PattyMara

Okay, maybe the cat will like it, but do you really want to look at this thing every day? In its defense, as cat beds go, it is marginally less frightening than whatever this is

Oh, hell, no. If anyone can tell me what animated movie character this is reminding me of, I’ll give you a kitten. I’m thinking “Yellow Submarine?”

Nervous-looking cat nesting dolls. Considering where they're headed, I guess it makes sense that the biggest one looks the most anxious. By SersonArt

Nervous-looking cat nesting dolls. Considering where they’re all headed, I guess it makes sense that the biggest one looks the most anxious

There is a distinct possibility that someone on my list may get this for Christmas this year. By DeadlyPotionNo7

Murder is imminent. By PamperedWhiskers, whose cats would beg to differ

Murder is imminent. By Pampered Whiskers, whose cats don’t feel pampered at all

The love that dare not speak its name. By JuliaPott

What is it, you ask? It's cat butt ear warmers, thank you for asking! By TheCrochetAnything

What is it, you ask? A breast wearing a cape? A sperm with a pimple? Why no! It’s cat butt ear warmers, thank you for asking! By a seller who is frankly, a little too into feline posteriors for comfort

If you see someone wearing these earrings, run. They're going to talk to you about their cats, and nobody needs that. By JEWELRYandPLEASURE

If you see someone wearing these earrings, walk briskly the other way. They clearly baby-talk to their animals, and you don’t need that kind of crazy in your life