Is this hostess apron ugly? Sure. But at least no one will be looking at your holiday weight gain
Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)
We entertain all year, but around the holidays, it feels like there’s a constant parade of guests in our kitchen. If we’re not cooking for people, we’re headed to someone’s house for a dinner party. This put me in mind of hostess- and entertaining-related items.
There were certainly lots of very suitable hostess presents in my gift guide, but this week, I’m more focused on the significantly-less-appropriate hostess items for sale.
As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts. Follow me on Bloglovin!
These are 1960’s hostess pajamas. I assume they were intended to repel romantic advances, and I’ll bet they were very, very successful
An elephant with its trunk raised is said to be good luck, which makes this origami elephant under glass an extra great hostess gift! By FlorigamiShop
Etsy sellers have some crazy ideas about hostess gifts. This pillow looks to me like the Shroud of Turin meets “Home Alone”
It’s a shame this “whimsical hostess gift” is one-of-a-kind. I’m bummed that I can’t buy two and throw them both away
Nothing says “thanks for the invite” like a tastefully-embroidered kitchen towel. This is not one of those
These mermaid coasters will definitely get you another invitation, at least to my house! By DearlyBeloveds
Sugar tits; not just for breakfast anymore. Believe it or not, this is ImpoliteHandmadeGift‘s most tasteful item
“Perfect hostess gift” hermit crab. She’s no Marcel the Shell, that’s for sure
Never a collector of junk, my mom nonetheless had an entire wardrobe of useless organza hostess aprons like this one. Her reasons are a complete mystery. By TheTableSetting
I was very excited to find that the cat people and the felters are finally working together, and the combination is everything I hoped for!
Be warned: I will turn away anyone who tries to walk into my house with these repulsive shot glasses
In my house, this awful, overly-fussy wine bag would go directly into the garbage. Of course, I’d take out the wine first. I wasn’t raised in a barn
Yes, please! Beautiful and very affordable serving trays made of reclaimed cabinet doors. By DandMTrends
This Wize Crunchy Cheez Doodles® nativity scene is one of the strongest contenders for the title of most offensive hostess gift. You’d think this is as bad as it gets, but it’s snot
Share:
My OBT 
December 3, 2015 at 8:30 am
I like the Hostess Apron. Wearing it, I might be able to pass as an extrovert.
LikeLiked by 2 people
December 3, 2015 at 9:10 am
Reverse camouflage!
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 3, 2015 at 10:51 am
LOL!
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 3, 2015 at 1:24 pm
Thanks!
LikeLike
December 3, 2015 at 11:35 am
The shot glasses remind me of the pottery ashtrays we made in grammar school. I was fascinated by the process, but man those ashtrays looked like absolute crap.
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 3, 2015 at 1:25 pm
I’ll bet you were the first in your class to fill yours, too!
LikeLike
December 3, 2015 at 11:59 am
I love the cabinet door serving trays…what a great way to repurpose. I think if they made a smaller one (remove one of the 4 long pieces of wood, and trim the two bottom pieces to fit ) that it would be a great cheeseboard (probably would have to keep that one natural unless you wanted paint flecks in your Brie). It would look beautiful on a long table with grapes, cheeses, and nuts.
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 3, 2015 at 1:28 pm
Brie with lead paint flecks is all the rage this year.
LikeLiked by 2 people
December 3, 2015 at 12:02 pm
P.S. I forgot to say “Congrats” on your new blog account, and thanks for the silly and funny as we all are searching for some stress-free moments.
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 3, 2015 at 1:28 pm
Thank you, darlin!
LikeLike
December 3, 2015 at 12:40 pm
I ❤ the mermaid coasters. And I kind of want a hostess apron although it is too hard to choose just the right one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 3, 2015 at 1:29 pm
I stand by my position that hostess aprons are stupid unless you’re wearing them with heels, pearls, lingerie, and lipstick only. I’m certainly with you on the mermaid coasters, though!
LikeLike
December 3, 2015 at 2:43 pm
I literally laughed out loud at the nativity scene. What on earth? At least now my youngest son would be accurate in calling the child in the manger “Baby Cheeses”. I would be totally happy and cool with receiving those door trays or the origami in a jar but, of course, I would have to learn to be a proper hostess first and apparently I have been doing that wrong since I don’t own a hostess apron, have never even heard of such a thing in fact. I learn so much from you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 3, 2015 at 4:02 pm
Please don’t ever stop commenting on my Etsomnia posts. I would miss you terribly.
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 3, 2015 at 3:49 pm
Your comment about the pillow looking like the Shroud of Turin meeting home alone made me laugh so much it set my cough off again. You owe me a glass of wine.
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 3, 2015 at 4:04 pm
Sorry about the cough. Will buy you the glass of wine when I see you (in August?). Also, thanks for making my day.
LikeLike
December 3, 2015 at 11:37 pm
Cats. Felting. Creepy just took on a whole new meaning. Your bylines had me snickering. Thank you for that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
December 4, 2015 at 12:14 am
Thank you! Hope you’re well. Think of you often.
LikeLiked by 1 person