What if you spent every day looking for One Beautiful Thing?

Etsomnia™ Volume 68: Hostess With the Mostess


Is this hostess apron ugly? Sure. But you have to admire its commitment to the bit. By WearsAndWares

Is this hostess apron ugly? Sure. But at least no one will be looking at your holiday weight gain

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

We entertain all year, but around the holidays, it feels like there’s a constant parade of guests in our kitchen. If we’re not cooking for people, we’re headed to someone’s house for a dinner party. This put me in mind of hostess- and entertaining-related items.

There were certainly lots of very suitable hostess presents in my gift guide, but this week, I’m more focused on the significantly-less-appropriate hostess items for sale.

As usual, links to the items for sale appear below each picture. For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts. Follow me on Bloglovin!

These are 1960's hostess pajamas. You were meant to wear them while entertaining. I suspect they put many people off their feed. By RockStreetVintage

These are 1960’s hostess pajamas. I assume they were intended to repel romantic advances, and I’ll bet they were very, very successful

An elephant with its trunk raised is said to be good luck, so this origami under glass would be a perfect gift! By FlorigamiShop

An elephant with its trunk raised is said to be good luck, which makes this origami elephant under glass an extra great hostess gift! By FlorigamiShop

Etsy sellers have some crazy ideas about hostess gifts. Can you imagine opening the door to this? By WFrancisDesign

Etsy sellers have some crazy ideas about hostess gifts. This pillow looks to me like the Shroud of Turin meets “Home Alone”

The best thing I can say about this "whimsical hostess gift" is that because it is mostly head, it should be a lot easier to fend off when it comes for you in the night. By TwentyFourCrowns

It’s a shame this “whimsical hostess gift” is one-of-a-kind. I’m bummed that I can’t buy two and throw them both away

Inexplicably-embroidered kitchen towel. Because this definitely says "Thanks for the invite." By LulusLoft

Nothing says “thanks for the invite” like a tastefully-embroidered kitchen towel. This is not one of those

Vintage mermaid coasters, on the other hand, will definitely get you an invitation back! By DearlyBeloveds

These mermaid coasters will definitely get you another invitation, at least to my house! By DearlyBeloveds

You'd better confirm the size of the hostess's husband before showing up bearing this memorable item. By ImpoliteHandmadeGift

Sugar tits; not just for breakfast anymore. Believe it or not, this is ImpoliteHandmadeGift‘s most tasteful item

I would be unsure how to take getting this as a gift. You know who doesn't give parties? Hermits. Also crabs. By SandeesVillageShop

“Perfect hostess gift” hermit crab. She’s no Marcel the Shell, that’s for sure

Never a collector of junk, my mom nonetheless had an entire wardrobe of useless organza hostess aprons like this one. Her reasons are a complete mystery. By TheTableSetting

I was very excited to find that the cat people and the felters are finally working together! By OldWorldPrimitives

I was very excited to find that the cat people and the felters are finally working together, and the combination is everything I hoped for!

I would turn away at the door anyone bearing these shot glasses as a gift. By BazketMakr

Be warned: I will turn away anyone who tries to walk into my house with these repulsive shot glasses

This wine bag would go directly in to the garbage. Of course, I'd take out the wine first. I'm not an animal. By NicoleAshmore

In my house, this awful, overly-fussy wine bag would go directly into the garbage. Of course, I’d take out the wine first. I wasn’t raised in a barn

Beautiful serving trays made of reclaimed cabinet doors. Yes, please! By DandMTrends

Yes, please! Beautiful and very affordable serving trays made of reclaimed cabinet doors. By DandMTrends

And the winner in the worst holiday hostess gift of all time . . . this Wize Crunchy Cheez Doodles® nativity scene. By CheeseCurlArt

This Wize Crunchy Cheez Doodles® nativity scene is one of the strongest contenders for the title of most offensive hostess gift. You’d think this is as bad as it gets, but it’s snot

Author: Donna from MyOBT

I have committed to spending part of every day looking for at least one beautiful thing, and sharing what I find with you lovelies!

18 thoughts on “Etsomnia™ Volume 68: Hostess With the Mostess

  1. I like the Hostess Apron. Wearing it, I might be able to pass as an extrovert.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The shot glasses remind me of the pottery ashtrays we made in grammar school. I was fascinated by the process, but man those ashtrays looked like absolute crap.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love the cabinet door serving trays…what a great way to repurpose. I think if they made a smaller one (remove one of the 4 long pieces of wood, and trim the two bottom pieces to fit ) that it would be a great cheeseboard (probably would have to keep that one natural unless you wanted paint flecks in your Brie). It would look beautiful on a long table with grapes, cheeses, and nuts.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. P.S. I forgot to say “Congrats” on your new blog account, and thanks for the silly and funny as we all are searching for some stress-free moments.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I ❤ the mermaid coasters. And I kind of want a hostess apron although it is too hard to choose just the right one.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I literally laughed out loud at the nativity scene. What on earth? At least now my youngest son would be accurate in calling the child in the manger “Baby Cheeses”. I would be totally happy and cool with receiving those door trays or the origami in a jar but, of course, I would have to learn to be a proper hostess first and apparently I have been doing that wrong since I don’t own a hostess apron, have never even heard of such a thing in fact. I learn so much from you.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Your comment about the pillow looking like the Shroud of Turin meeting home alone made me laugh so much it set my cough off again. You owe me a glass of wine.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Cats. Felting. Creepy just took on a whole new meaning. Your bylines had me snickering. Thank you for that!

    Liked by 1 person

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