Etsomnia™ Volume 74: Panic at the Disco

January 21, 2016 by Donna from MyOBT 23 Comments

As with most other categories I've explored, it seems the key to Etsy style is just sticking things to other things. "Bodycon" dress by IncogneetoVintage

As with most other categories I’ve explored, it seems the key to Etsy style is just sticking things to other things. This winner is described as a “Body con” dress

Et·som·ni·a (/etˈsämnēə/), noun, 1. a sleep disorder caused by obsessive Etsy browsing. 2. the surprising arrival of weird handmade merchandise ordered when one is only half conscious. (True story.)

I have done my share of clubbing over the years, sporting styles that I thought were fabulous at the time, but which would be fairly hilarious today. We wore all kinds of nutty stuff, but I have to say that the current selection of clubwear is every bit as ridiculous as the crap we went out in. An Etsy search for club clothes turns up quite a range of options from lame to lavish, and from unfortunate to downright scary.

For more Etsy fun, check out all my weekly Etsomnia™ posts.

So cute! Dragon scale hoodie and mini set by CoquetryClothing

So cute! And perfect for parties on the island of Berk. By CoquetryClothing

Just in case you were worried someone would miss your super-cool rave shoes, these light up! By DulcetSoul

It took me a minute, but I finally figured out who would wear these clubbing!

You know we can tell you're wearing a baseball cap, right? by UTHAhats

You know we can still tell you’re wearing a baseball cap, right?

No, Nana. For the last time, you are not going clubbing with us! By MBReinventionCouture

No, Nana, you cannot come clubbing with us!

Main features: 1. easy for friends to locate you, 2. built-in fanny pack. By HighTribe

Main features: 1. easy for friends to locate you in the dark, 2. built-in fanny pack to safeguard your virginity.

You can call this a”Fairy rave costume” all you want. I know a lot of fairies, and they would hate it.

The listing is for the bird’s nest wig, but I find the whole thing equally awful.

Dear Millennials, No. Love, Me. By Sunnylizard

Maybe you should stop trying to look up that bird girl’s skirt and reconsider what you’re wearing.

Well, this is going to make trips to the bathroom awkward.

If your friends let you leave the house like this, you need new friends.

Warning: if you are not the tallest girl in the room, there will be torts. By RMQuintiroli

Warning: if you are not the tallest one in the room, there will be torts. By RMQuintiroli

Go back inside, Nana! I told you I’m going out with my friends. You can’t come.

As bad as the current selections are, I couldn't resist including a few from my day, like this bit of sequined derpery. By Braxae

As bad as the current selections are, I couldn’t resist including this bit of sequined derpery from my day. F.Y.I., I would have found it funny then, too.

As with most other categories I've explored, it seems the key to Etsy style is just sticking things to other things. By IncogneetoVintage

Dressed in this thing, you are free to spill your drink, drop your chili dog, even throw up on yourself! Who’ll know? Or care?

Fluffy leg warmers are a very poor choice when your plans include public urination.

Club shoes have taken a turn for the weird! By ShoesbyDianaHill

Try as she might, the designer doesn’t seem to be able to get decorative leg braces to catch on with the club kids

Oh, hell yeah! I might buy one of these just because! By RawkhawksMohawks

For those muppet-themed raves. By RaveBraQueen

Perfect for those Dr. Seuss-themed raves. By RaveBraQueen

Would you call this a boob cosy?

I would recommend steering clear of the genius who wears a bath mat to the club. You know after about an hour, he smells like old goat and Axe Body Spray. By SHOKRALA

I would recommend steering clear of the guy who wears Muppet chic to the club. You know after about an hour, he is going to smell like old goat and Axe Body Spray.

Oh, alright, Nana! You can come, too. By MarinaFINI

Alright, alright! You can come. But don’t forget your ID this time! Fantastic earrings by MarinaFINI
(This comment is unfortunately autobiographical, and now my nephew is laughing at me. Again.)